I was sitting there at my desk lost in my own writer’s world and furiously typing away, when the front door burst open.

‘OMG LOOK WHAT I HAVE!’

My girlfriend slammed down what appeared to be an A3 cardboard design of some sorts and I looked down at it, slightly confused.

‘So uh… what’s that?’

‘It’s a dragon lantern, duh.’

Looking harder I began to make out the design, no mean feat considering the array of distracting rainbow colors. There was a small image in one of the corners of the packaging depicting what looked to be a some kind of dragon lantern.

Although how that sheet of A3 turned into the dragon lantern depicted, I had no idea.

‘So uh… good luck with that’, secretly hoping that assembling seemingly impossibly complex models of paper dragons was something my girlfriend was passionate about.

Of course she wasn’t…

‘What?! Don’t just sit there, you’re going to make it for me! Do you know how long I had to wait in line to get this?!’

Realising my writing efforts for the day were done I put the laptop into standby and took a closer look at the lantern.

‘Alright Oz, what have you gotten yourself into this time…‘

Designed by Taipei City government, the instructions for the dragon lantern were mostly useless (to me).

Written in Chinese and with the diagram not really making much sense, I set the instructions aside and began to carefully start punching out whatever bits of cardboard came free.

I was under immense pressure seeing as fucking this lantern up would bring down a wrath I wouldn’t hear the end of for weeks to come. Only adding to the pressure was the fact that the entire lantern, barring the included LED (which I had no idea what to do with) was made of paper.

One mistake, one tear, one incorrect fold… and it was all over red rover.

Thankfully my girlfriend left me on my own and as I became satisfied that I’d unfolded as much of the cardboard as I could, I started to assemble the various flaps.

Thankfully these were numbered in English and weren’t too difficult to work out. Although along the way I kept finding bits of cardboard that had to be popped out which I’d missed earlier.

Eventually I had something that vaguely resembled the body of a dragon.

Although I still had no idea how the head and what I thought were wings attached to the body.

Carefully pressing on, I then learnt that thankfully there wasn’t all that much to folding the head (2 flaps) and that it was only a single flap that attached it to the body.

Getting all the bits on the head to stick out (whiskers, eyes etc.) was a bit of a challenge. And it wasn’t until I’d sat there staring at my rather flat head for 5 minutes that I realised there was a bit at the back that needed to be folded in order for the head to stand upright.

After looking at what I thought was originally some kind of wings for the back of the dragon and wondering how they attached, I then  realised that they weren’t wings at all but rather a handle to hold the lantern from.

Carefully folding the handle I finally began to have  something that resembled a pretty decent looking attempt at a dragon lantern, well at least I thought so.

Attaching the handle was simply a matter of pushing an additional two flaps through and before I knew it, I was done.

Well, except that I still had no idea where the LED was supposed to go. Originally figuring it was supposed to go behind the head somewhere, I finally gave up on that idea and it was then that I spotted a square flap on the underside of the dragon that I hadn’t popped out.

Pushing the little LED light through my dragon’s bumhole… we then had liftoff.

Marching triumphantly into the bedroom I woke my girlfriend up from her nap and declared the deed done.

Take that Taipei City Government. Thought you could confuse me with your complex dragon lantern designs and lack of English instructions?

JOKE’S ON YOU SUCKERS!

‘So… what now?’

‘Now we take it out to the lantern festival celebrations tonight…’

My heart froze.

‘…what?’

‘Don’t you know anything? Tonight we’ll take it out and see the big dragon lanterns they’ve set up!’

‘Wait, you’re going to make me take out my crappy little attempt at a paper dragon and show it off with all the Taiwanese made paper dragons!?

‘Yup.’

‘EVERYONE IS GOING TO LAUGH AT ME!’

As images of my dragon being laughed into the nearest trash can when it went up against custom dragon lanterns fitted with CPU fans (to make them fly) and programmable LED light displays (because the included LED just wasn’t enough) flashing through my mind… I trundled back into the lounge room to go over the lantern one last time to make sure there was nothing I’d forgotten to pop out or secure properly.

About an hour and a half spent on it in total, the dragon lantern is now sitting calmly on my TV stand… tonight it goes into battle.

Although I suppose it’s still not too late to have a last-minute accident. Maybe Leela can somehow manage to drag it off the stand and rip it to shreds… or perhaps I can have an “accident”, falling over and squashing it.

I’ve still got a few hours up my sleeve…

What Ximending is to young adults and fashion in Taipei, Shida Nightmarket is to food. There’s plenty to eat here and it’s priced for university students. Unfortunately the same can’t be said about most of the shopfronts there, with a lack of vendors in favour of more traditional boutique shopfronts slowly taking over.

Away from the main strip that serves as the main nightmarket area, you’ve also got a bunch of side streets offering a more cafe/restaurant environment for those wishing to escape the nightmarket crowds.

That said, the nightmarket area retains most of its urban culture and is one of the “warmest” nightmarkets I’ve been to in Taiwan.

Well, not if the Taipei City Government and cranky residents of the surrounding area have their way.

Citing some bullshit Taiwanese law that states ‘restaurants are not allowed within a radius of 8 meters from residential buildings‘ (that makes what, nearly every eatery in Taiwan illegal?), the residents of Lane 13 Pucheng Street in the Shida Night Market area petitioned the local government do so something about the noise Lane 13 was generating.

Shortly before the turn of the year, the city government, at the request of long-suffering local residents who organized themselves into a “self-relief association, medium-sized demolition vehicles struck down the signs, neon or otherwise, of the “exotic” eateries lining (Lane 13 Pucheng St).

The lane, which has over time become a hub of international cuisine (Korean, Indian, Malaysian, Thai, Tibetan are just some of the countries represented), is now under threat as the government has hinted that removing the signs is only the first step in the complete removal of business there.

The signs are the first to go, and the evictions of the businesses cannot be ruled out, the owners of the eateries were told.

Whilst the eateries sit on the borders of what can be constituted Shida Nightmarket, it appears the government is escalating a growing desire to eradicate Shida Nightmarket altogether.

Following a protest by residents of the area in October last year , Taipei Mayor Hau Lung-bin (郝龍斌) announced that ‘no further expansion of the Shida Night Market would be permitted‘.

Recently however the first shots appear to have been fired with Taipei City Government removing the words ‘Shida Night Market’ altogether from the nearby Taipower Building MRT station (the main public transport entry/exit point for the nightmarket).

The ‘Longquan Market’ that Shida Nightmarket has been replaced with, is from what I understand a regular run-of-the-mill Taiwanese daytime grocery market. These markets are a dime-a-dozen in Taiwan and why this needs a mention as a local attraction escapes me.

It’s a bit like listing Walmart in a tourist guide.

The removal of Shida Night Market from the TaiPower MRT station signage was apparently done in response to yet another petition filed by locals. In addition the petition requests that the government

remove the name ‘Shida Night Market’ from all official bulletin boards, road navigations (signs), tourist brochures and  even bus stops.

All traces of Shida Nightmarket have also apparently been removed from the Taipei City Government Tourism website.

This appears to have been done in response to yet another petition filed by local residents. In addition to the removal of ‘Shida Night Market’ from the MRT signs,

Because yeah… pretending the nightmarket doesn’t exist will fix it. I imagine once the local’s demands have been met, they’ll simply launch new petitions requesting the government take more action towards the eventual close of Shida Nightmarket altogether.

Clearly this appears to be the ultimate end-goal for local residents.

Shida Nightmarket appears to have its origins dating back to 1987 but didn’t really develop into a fully fledged nightmarket until the early 1990s.

Roughly twenty years old give or take, Shida Nightmarket is currently one of Taipei’s busiest tourist attractions, generating ‘NT$12.3 billion (US$408.6 million) in 2009, rising to NT$14.7 billion last year‘.

It’d be a shame to see Shida Nightmarket disappear just because some locals can’t play Mahjong in peace…


Additional source used: UDN (English)

Footnote: This news story uses a Chinese new source that  has not been published in English and as such I’ve done my best to translate. I’m not a fluent in Mandarin so my translations might be slightly off.

Any corrections are welcome and can be published below as a comment.

During this time I like to take in my surroundings. The people around me, all stuffing their faces or ignoring eachother with their smart phones all offer a few moments relief from the meal at hand.

A look over at the food area rekindles any forgotten ‘oh I have to try that’ memories and a surveying of the decor itself often reveals little gems I might otherwise have missed.

Sitting in Greenness Hotpot in Banciao one night, it was there that I discovered ‘The Art of Food’:

Spring, the sweet spring, is the year’s pleasant king,
Then blooms each thing, then maids dance in a ring,
Cold doth not sting, the pretty birds do sing:
Cuckoo, jug-jug, pu-we, to-witta-woo!

The palm and may make country houses gay,
Lambs frisk and play, the shepherds pipe all day,
And we hear aye birds tune this merry lay:
Cuckoo, jug-jug, pu-we, to-witta-woo!

Quite obviously not even in the slightest way connected food, let alone the art of it, I snapped a photo and made a mental note to investigate Greenness’ Art of Food when I got home.

A short Google search later revealed that indeed the Art of Food had nothing to do with food. Turns out Greenness’ the Art of Food was incorrectly titled and consisted of the first two verses of ‘Spring, the Sweet Spring’.

Spring, the Sweet Spring being poetic lyrics written Thomas Nashe around the year 1592 as part of the play ‘Summer’s Last Will and Testament‘.

Performed below by the Infinito Nightingales back in 2008:


With Greenness Hotpot not exactly priced to attract the patronage of the creme de la creme of Taiwanese high society, I’ll forever wonder if the appearance of Nashe’s play was intentionally included by the owner of Greenness, or merely the result of some an interior designer’s random whim.

‘A bit of high-brow English poetry with your hotpot, sir?’

‘Why thankyou*munchmunchmunch*that’d be*munchmunchmunch*splendid*munch*!’

If you’re out and about during Chinese New Year in Taiwan, chances are you’re probably going to notice an unusually greater amount of non-Taiwanese guys out and about trying to keep themselves occupied, but still looking like they’ve got nothing better to do.

For hundreds (thousands?) of Taiwanese girls every Chinese New Year heralds the difficult decision of being split between spending time with their boyfriends and family.

With the Chinese New Year banquets ranking as the most important family time on the Chinese lunar calendar, the decision on how to spend CNY weekend often boils down to

• do I spend it with my family and worry in the back of my mind that my boyfriend might get a bit lonely and have nothing to do… or
• do I spend it with my boyfriend, totally piss off my family and just deal with the repercussions later?


It’s not an easy choice any way you cut it and inherently stems from a culture that largely refuses to acknowledge or just flat out ignore the fact that young Taiwanese females have a social life.

One of the darker aspects of Taiwanese society is also the torrential undercurrent of racism, in that for some families it’s not so much that their daughter is seeing someone – but rather that they’re not Taiwanese.

‘My daughter? Together with some foreign white dog who’s only here to bang her brains out? What a slut, get out!’

Sexism also plays its part too in that almost universally should any sons of the family bring partners home (Taiwanese or otherwise), this is perfectly acceptable and nobody bats an eyelid.

In this sense it’s hard to relate the ‘foreigner boyfriend’ experience to ‘foreigner girlfriends’. They simply don’t have to jump through the same hoops we do.

No doubt there are Taiwanese couples who themselves go through something similar (albeit without the racial prejudice undertones) but the primary difference here is that both parties, barring any unusual circumstances, have families to go home to and enjoy that sense of belonging.

That’s where the species of “foreigner boyfriend” are at a complete loss.

Most of us are out here flying solo and for those first few days of Chinese New Year we can either abandon ship and go for a holiday overseas (which just makes our girlfriends feel worse), or stick around Taiwan and visit the deserted local tourist attractions (usually impossible due to the traditional rain Taiwan gets during Chinese New Year), or just bum around locally with nothing much to do (read: hang out with other temporarily dumped foreign boyfriends).

However staying in Taiwan during Chinese New Year only drives home the loneliness feeling as you get to walk around and see families everywhere spending the time together.

And if you really want it rubbed in just walk around during the evening and see everybody enjoying nice lavish family dinners together.

The smells of these feasts wafting in from the streets is intoxicatingly torturous.

There is of course one loophole, a backdoor if you will if you want to gain acceptance and experience a true family orientated Chinese New Year:

Marry your girlfriend.

For those only here for the short-term this usually isn’t an option and for those of us trying to make it for the long haul, getting married just so your girlfriend’s family decided to acknowledge you exist seems kinda silly.

Especially when you’re talking full grown adults who have well and truly left their teenage years behind them.

Still, chances are this is the game you’ll play every Chinese New Year should you find yourself dating a Taiwanese girl.

Me personally? I refuse to play the game and instead suck it up and compromise. I don’t want to be the reason (scapegoat) my girlfriend’s family decide to get pissed off at her for, nor do I let them interfere with our plans for the rest of the week.

Usually it’s the first three days that are most important to Taiwanese people (Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights) so if I don’t have plans I just try to occupy myself during this time.

The tradeoff is that after Sunday we’ve then got the whole week to do stuff together.

It is overwhelmingly tempting to kick up a big fuss and challenge the status quo, and Lord knows when you’re sitting at home eating McDonalds infront of the TV hearing all the families living around you partying it up, you often wonder why you didn’t – but ultimately (and as hard as it can be to accept) it’s out of your hands.

Unless of course you’re the ‘ultimatum giving’ type of guy – in which case you might be in for a rude sense of shock when you attempt to go up against thousands of years of cultural tradition all guns blazing.

With it currently pouring down with rain I’m seriously doubting we’ll even get to go ahead with our later in the week plans, but for now I’m busy writing up a few articles to schedule during the week so that I’m not tied up worrying about the blog while I’m out exploring.

So long as you’ve felt your voice is heard (and I do) the rest pretty much is up to your girlfriend and their family. If you’re one of the lucky ones to be going out with a girl whose family isn’t stuck in the dark ages then more power to you.

For the rest of us foreign boyfriends well, I guess there’s always next year.

Happy Chinese New Year, I guess.

Although I find them nice to look at, my public enemy #1 during Chinese New Year in Taiwan is always going to be the excessive and constant use of fireworks by the locals.

Two years ago in a guide to surviving Chinese New Year in Taiwan I wrote,

With the exception of the whistling fireworks which give you some warning the firework of choice here seems to be ones that let off a massive earth rumbling boom. This variety is followed closely in popularity by the ‘rata-tata-tata’ type which sounds like machine gun fire going off for about 20-30 seconds.

The worst part of it is that Chinese New Year goes for a week and you literally have fireworks going off at all hours every day of the week.

Rain, hail or shine and any hour of the day – outside of Taiwan’s cities fireworks will become a staple of your environment for the week that Chinese New Year occupies.

And even then, with counties bordering all of Taiwan’s cities if you live on the outskirts it’s not all that uncommon to be woken up in the middle of the night by titanic magnitude sonic booms.

Naturally when it comes to fireworks and Chinese New Year the official government line is ‘it’s bad for the environment so please don’t do it (but we don’t really care if  you do)’ and on some level, I sympathise. I mean yeah, when it comes to fireworks the reality of the situation is that trying to change this local tradition would be like trying to police a ban on using chopsticks to eat.

Not gunna happen anytime soon.

So, faced with wanting to look like they’re doing something to curb the noise, air and litter pollution the excessive use of fireworks during Chinese New Year causes each year, what do the Taipei City government come up with?

A firecracker sound effects CD.

What else?

Available free of charge, the firecracker CD has been made available by the EPA’s Noise Control department of Taipei City government. The Noise Control department hopes that the CD will allow

people living in crowded urban areas to have a festive atmosphere without disturbing their neighbors or polluting their communities.

Just a quick question guys, how does replacing the noise of real firecrackers with an audio CD of the same firecracker noises reduce noise pollution?

And who the hell sits around their living rooms ‘in crowded urban areas’  letting off firecrackers anyhow?

Y’know what this Chinese New Year banquet is missing?

Good food?

‘Nah… FIRECRACKER NOISES! QUICK, someone get me a CD player!’

On the other hand I was planning to travel a bit this Chinese New Year and maybe a CD of firecracker noises would make for a good thief deterrent if played 24/7 on a loop.

Bugger the sanity and mental state of your neighbours this Chinese New Year, get yourself a government sanctioned firecracker CD today AND CRANK IT UP!

Ask any guy who’s entered the dating scene in Taiwan about ‘Princess Syndrome’, and chances are you’ll get that all too familiar slow nodding and appreciative but weak smile of understanding.

Taiwanese and western guys alike in Taiwan’s dating scene often run headfirst into Princess Syndrome, the scenario at times feeling like being armed with a toothpick trying to tear down a towering brick wall of culturally ingrained entitlement.

But where does it come from?

Crappy parenting.

Thankfully my current girlfriend only reverts back into her princess ways on the odd occasion, but every now and then I’m reminded of just how ingrained this concept is into Taiwanese culture.

My latest Princess Syndrome episode involved our landlord, a guy who at the time we’d barely known for a month.

Surprised at the fact we were living together, after a night of drinks at his place (he owns a factory nearby and we go around for drinks every so often as he’s quite a social chap), he took me aside and half jokingly, half seriously in so many words conveyed that he’d decided my girlfriend was top shelf and that if I dared to mess things up or hurt her, there’d be trouble.

He’d decided that the fact we lived together effectively meant my girlfriend’s family (specifically her father) must have abandoned her, and consequently there was as such some sort of guardian role he saw the  need to fill.

Far be it from me to let some other guy dictate the terms of my relationships, but it was all I could do to insist that just because I wasn’t from Taiwan didn’t mean I was about to just abandon ship and run off with the next vagina that caught my fancy.

Well, that’s not quite how I put it but between his grasp of English and that of mine with Chinese, I’d like to think that’s the message that was conveyed in reply.

With four daughters of his own, I kinda feel sorry for the poor schmuck who starts to date them.

As awkward as my little exchange might have been at the time, the topic hasn’t been re-visted and we all get along fine.

…just another day in the life of a guy going out with a Taiwanese woman.

Looking forward, it’d be nice to think that this was just an older generation thing that would eventually die out. But with an island choc-a-bloc full of these princess types, and father figures seemingly only all to willing to step in and encourage the behaviour – that seems unlikely.

Just ask one thirteen year old student from Feng-Lin Junior High School in Hualian.

After exchanging flirty SMS messages and what not, a thirteen year old boy decided to reject the advances of a fellow female student.

Outraged, the girl ran home and began to start cutting herself.

Upon seeing his daughter’s injuries and asking her about it, the father decided to investigate on his own and upon finding prior SMS exchanges between the two students on his daughter’s phone, jumped to the only logical conclusion he could muster.

This heartless teenage demon had assaulted his innocent precious. And his daughter, being the psychotically deranged princess he’d raised her to be, completely went along with it.

Doing what any father would do given the circumstances, he called up the school to complain – and eventually his concerns found their way to Director of Academic Affairs Shen Wen-jun (沈文俊).

This clown, instead of investigating himself and passing on the incident to the relevant authorities, abducted the male teenager (presumably abusing his position of authority) and took him to the girl’s house, where of course ‘her parents and several other cousins had gathered‘.

What happened next?

Furious at the loss of face this kid had caused his princess,

the girl’s father, reportedly intoxicated, started shouting and beating the teenaged boy. Soon, three cousins joined in while four others stood around and watched.

Wonderful.

Realising his complete and utter cock-up, Shen claims he ‘shielded Chiang from the blows initially (but was) soon swatted aside‘.

After beating the kid senseless, the father then held him hostage until his mother arrived. Upon arrival the mother, along with her son, were then held hostage until she signed a  ’NT$200,000 promissory note for the emotional distress the son allegedly inflicted on the perpetrator’s daughter’.

$200,000 TWD ($6,592 USD) and a bashing just for rejecting his daughter? Jesus Christ, just how exactly freaking fugly is this girl?!

Upon being released by their captors, the mother promptly presented herself and her battered son to the nearest police station, where ‘their claims were not taken seriously‘.

Feng-Lin Junior High School refused to report anything and police were happy to pretend the attack never happened. Finally, it was ‘only when they sought the help of legislator Yang De-ching did the horrifying confrontation come to light‘.

For his part in the fiasco, Shen was fired and as it stands, ‘formal charges on all parties are pending investigation‘.

Seriously, does messed up even begin to describe this incident? Forget the actions of the school administrator for a second – how messed up is the father’s daughter?

She gets rejected at school and then proceeds to start cutting herself – WTF? Why the hell isn’t she seeing a psychologist!

I well and truly pity the poor bastard who winds up dating this girl over the next few years.

‘Whaaaaaat? He looked at you funny?!

THAT’S IT! Call a family reunion, WE’RE GOING TO GO BURN DOWN HIS FUCKING HOUSE AND HANG HIM!’

I appreciate the parental instinct to protect your kids… but there’s being a responsible and caring parent, there’s taking that idea a little bit too far, there’s even being a completely overzealous control freak about it… and then there’s this guy.

Note to Taiwanese fathers: Having a daughter is not a license for crazy.

We’ve all got our fetishes in bed and undoubtedly from person to person what is acceptable, what is pleasurable, what is desirable and perhaps most importantly what is tolerable, is going to differ.

Not so if you’re a Taiwanese wife however. When it comes to the bedroom in Taiwan, it’s either ‘my way… or time to see a doctor‘.

So the story goes, around a year ago a Chiayi City based couple decided to get married and that’s when their bedroom problems began.

Obviously one of those Taiwanese couples who think holding hands is enough to decide whether you want to marry someone or not, shortly after getting married the husband, a car salesman, decided to profess his love of blowjobs to his wife.

This love affair with blowjobs had stemmed from hubbies obsession of watching oral sex porn… in what appears to be yet another case in Taiwan of ‘lolwut, y’mean porn isn’t a dating guide!?’

Whilst at first his wife was happy to play her part in the ‘husband and wife friendship‘, she soon became suspicious that her husband was ‘greater than the love of foreplay‘ and the very act of sex itself.

This for some reason this brought about a ‘sense of disgust‘ and with increasingly ‘higher frequencies‘ the couple ‘quarreled in bed’ over the husband’s clearly disgusting fetish.

Still wanting to have sex though, the husband compromised and agreed to just do it missionary style… on the proviso that his wife apply lipstick to her hoohaa so that he ‘could still feel the pleasure of oral sex‘.

This went on for a while and all seemed well, until one day the wife looked down, ‘saw the lipstick’ and started ‘to feel sick‘.

Y’see, ‘normal’ sex and no blowjobs wasn’t enough, it had to be clean wholesome sex… and lipstick on her vagina compromised that. Totally reasonable.

Ultimately when the arguments started up again, the couple began to start sleeping in separate beds.

Having squashed her husband’s bedroom fetish and gripping his balls firmly in her hands by now abstaining from sex altogether, the wife then decided to try to ‘fix’ her husband by demanding that he go and see a Psychosomatic Doctor to address his problems.

Turns out liking blowjobs means you’ve got a mental illness here in Taiwan.

Anyhow, our clearly depraved and mentally ill husband pays a visit to Wang Jialin, Director of Psychosomatic Medicine at Yangming Hospital.

His assessment?

This man has ‘feelings of guilt, cannot resist his inner impulses (and is) very troubled. Dr. Yang then promptly gave the husband a ‘dose of drugs‘ to address his “problems”.

Thus far hubbie has been back to Yang’s clinic twice and with drugs treating the husband’s ‘I enjoy blowjobs’ mental illness, Dr. Yang professes that his treatment is ‘alleviating pressure‘ in the marriage and is proof that things ‘can improve‘ in such situations.

And so, what should have been just another ‘hey look we would have found this out if we bothered to date properly and get jiggy with it before we got married’ divorce case, with all parties involved seeking more suitable sexual partners, has now resulted in some poor schmuck taking mind altering drugs for the rest of his life to “cure” his love of blowjobs.

What the fuck is wrong with these people?

More worryingly, given that a Director of Psychosomatic Medicine has signed off  on this treatment, how many wives and girlfriends around Taiwan are going to read this and now think they’re boyfriends/husbands have a similar problem and need to get ‘treated’.

Jesus Christ people it’s not rocket science, if you like one thing in bed and your partner doesn’t… if it’s really that important to you move on and find someone who does!

One day this moron is going to wake up and realise he’s spent his whole life on mind altering drugs because of a sexual preference.

…what’s next Taiwan, drug treatments for being gay?

Source: Apple Daily (English)

Notoriously whimsical, parents the world over face the tough decision of bringing a family pet into the home knowing that after a few months, or even weeks once the novelty has worn off,  they might well be the ones taking responsibility for it full-time.

Here in Taiwan where adults commonly stay at home with their parents till… well, forever, this problem only increases in magnitude.

Faced with the prospect looking after her granddaughters unwanted pet that had been dumped on her, one Taiwanese grandmother decided to finally do something about it.

She filed a lawsuit and took her granddaughter to court.

So the story goes, a spoilt brat of a granddaughter kept her obviously unwanted dog at her grandmother’s place in Taipei.

The grandmother (surnamed Tsai) claims that her granddaughter ‘(never took) care of it, usually left the dog in the kitchen, almost never showered it and did not restrain the pet when it barked‘.

The dog, named Cookie, was a present given to granddaughter Luo Peng Yu (駱芃伃) five years ago by her father, from the looks of it appears to spend most of its time locked in a small cage;

Of course rather than just y’know, talking to her granddaughter about it and sorting it out and if that didn’t work telling her to sod off or take the dog to the pound herself if it was unwanted, Tsai instead ran off to court filing a suit against her granddaughter claiming that

the dog had traumatized her health and mental state, had intruded into her living quarters, compromised her of ownership of the house, and had broken the peace of her family.

In addition to grandma Tsai’s lawsuit, five of her mates

also petitioned in disapproval of the dog, claiming that in addition to regular barking, it would act up when there we re visitors, and had seriously disrupted their peaceful living space.

In what appears to be yet another case of avoiding direct confrontation and saving face, instead of throwing out the case for wasting everybody’s time it was heard and a judge ruled yesterday that ‘the granddaughter should remove the dog from the household to maintain the grandmother’s physical and mental health, according to the 767th article of the Civil Code‘.

So this is what family relations have been reduced to in Taiwan, people dragging eachother to court because of an unwanted pet dog left in a kitchen.

I mean really, if her granddaugher (photo right) wouldn’t remove the dog and your too old to confront her directly is it that hard to just call the police and let them deal with it. Obviously if you’ve got enough time to be running off to court and attend cases then you’re easily able to deal with this matter yourself in a more appropriate way.

Not surprisingly, Tsai’s granddaughter didn’t bother rocking up to court and the judgement was given ex-parte.

Further more it was was only an order to remove the dog… $10 says she doesn’t and these idiots will find themselves back in court because

whether or not the granddaughter were to give up on her ownership of the pet dog would be another issue, so the court turned down the grandmother’s request to have the dog sent to an animal protection center.

Well that and the case has already been appealed by Luo, who now appears to have decided it’s worth fighting to keep Cookie locked up in a cage in the family kitchen.

Come on guys, obviously Luo doesn’t want the dog and is a horrible pet owner unsuitable for ownership. At least give this poor dog a fighting chance.

And while we’re at it, since it’s been dragged to court, why not fine the daughter for cruelty to animals.

I bet she’s not feeding it too much either too, so why not send a message to the neglectful princesses of Taiwan?

Hilariously in handing down the judgement, it was reasoned that

it is an individual’s right that he or she should not endure external disturbances such as random noises, therefore such noise pollution created by the dog would be deemed illegal.

Noise pollution is illegal in Taiwan? I can only assume at the end of every working day this judge hops on a spaceship and flies to the moon… as he or she has clearly never actually tried living here.

Even in a sound proof sterile box environment Taiwan would still find a way to introduce noise pollution into your life. If it’s not the stupid blue trucks with giant speakers strapped on them, it’s the school kids running around, or the vendors with their electronic sales pitches blaring at maximum volume, or the freaking lounge room KTV systems and god awful singing… or any one of the hundreds of random noise pollution sources living in Taiwan harbours.

Seriously, the way things are going one day someone in Taiwan is going to sue someone for just looking at them the wrong way. Or because they don’t like the color of their hair. Or because they didn’t put the toilet seat down…

Do Taiwanese courts have a ‘we will not throw any case out of court for being ridiculous’ policy or something? Why the hell aren’t cases like this not just thrown out?!

Try talking to your families people! It’s not rocket science.

Additional footage from Apple Daily (English)

Despite the recent arctic chill that has engulfed Taiwan these last few days, I found myself walking along Tamsui’s Ferry Pier last night.

As I walked along the Tamsui (also known as Danshui) Pier, which has been newly renovated since my last visit, I began to hear an out of place sound.

Walking past the ferries, a small sandpit and Starbucks, I got closer to the sound until I turned a corner and it was right there infront of me.

Turns out it was singing.

Specifically, the singing of Christmas carols.

I’m not entirely sure what the event was for (still early for Christmas!), but on stage you had a choir singing to an eager audience of a few hundred – all wearing Santa hats!

Quite the spectacle considering the low-key ho-hum public Christmas spirit I’ve encountered in Taiwan these last two years.

After taking a boat ride up the Fisherman’s Wharf and seeing some sights, we passed back along the same spot only to see that the concert was over and everyone had cleared out.

They did leave the giant Christmas tree they had up though and it gave a nice Christmassy atmospheric touch to the space.

My girlfriend suggested it was some kind of rehearsal concert so I guess come Christmas, weather permitting, these guys will put on a carols by candlelight type concert or some such.

As you can see they’ve left the tents up the audience stood under so the theory seems to fit.

If you want to see the tree yourself, head over to the Tamsui Ferry Pier;

I’ve marked the spot on the map (click for actual Google Maps) because for some reason the park area isn’t listed… meanwhile the local Starbucks is – go figure.

Looking for somewhere to eat and taking the town my eyes were on the prowl and out of the corner of my eye I spotted what looked like a sweet cream-colored Mini.

Pulling up, I got my phone out and jumped off the bicycle. The building the mini was in seemed to house some kind of car rental place.

Out front you had a line up of shiny and cleanly maintained sedans, presumably ready to be hired out. The mini I was interested in was tucked away at the back so I had to walk up to the building to get a closer look.

And that’s when I stopped dead in my tracks.

Proudly displayed on the wall of this establishment, was a Nazi flag.

Now I’m aware of the whole Buddhist symbology thing but for starters their symbol (or the Hindu one it’s based on) goes counter-clockwise, whereas this swastika is clearly going clockwise.

That and it’s unmistakably a Nazi flag. This wasn’t some case of ‘aww that looks cute…’, it’s a fullblown freaking Nazi flag!

Snapping a quick shot of the flag on the wall, I cautiously approached the storefront, peering out from the cars parked outside.

Inside was pretty nondescript. It was immaculately clean and large open space that was covered in large cream-colored tiles. There was a desk up the back and next to it the Mini I was interested in.

Nobody seemed around so I slowly made my way between two of the cars out front and got down on one knee to line up a shot of the mini.

At this point a door burst open and a big fat bald guy burst out, looking directly at me.

I froze.

As I knelt there on what passed for a footpath and this guy stood infront of the door he’d just crashed through, I tried to process what his intentions were.

Not taking his eyes off me, he began to march in my direction. I still had nothing to go on but my whilst my mind continued to try to process the situation, my body decided that even though I didn’t look jewish,  a fat bald guy with a frown on his face and Nazi flag on the wall probably wasn’t going to offer me a cup of bubble tea and a chat.

My knees launched my body upwards into the standing position and I nearly dropped my phone as I shoved it into my pocket. Racing a few buildings down to where I’d parked it,  I mounted the Long Haul Trucker in the same way a rider mounts a horse in motion, feeling my back tire spray up a cloud of gravel as I jammed my foot down on the pedal and sped off.

Forcing myself to sneak a quick glance over my shoulder a few hundred meters down the road, I saw the big fat bald guy standing cross-armed where my bike had been parked moments before.

He just stood there,  staring me down until I was out of sight…

I was sitting at a table for two on a first date. We’d just ordered dinner and the conversation had turned into the usual exploratory chit-chat.

Our drinks arrived, momentarily interrupting the conversation and it was at this point she whipped out her digital camera.

‘Do you always carry a camera around in your handbag?’ I naively asked,

‘Sure. I like to take lots of photos’.

I say naively as I’ve come to accept that not having a camera with you at all times is a criminal offense in Taiwan, punishable with hard time.

Hell, always carrying my trusty Nokia N8 around even I’m guilty of it.

As I sat there I watched as I, along with the restaurant and indeed the whole world faded into obscurity. As she clicked away I watched her slip away into her own private world.

‘Hello…?’

…

‘….no really come now, what exactly are you doing?’

Honestly at that point I could have stripped down naked, jerked off into her drink and still not gotten a reaction…

…nothing else mattered except the camera and her duckface.

Ten minutes or so later she was done, and as if nothing had happened the conversation resumed.

‘Oh yeah, so you were telling me how pretty I am…?’

Yeah, it was a long night.

For those not in the know, ‘duckface’ is the act of pouting your lips together in such a way as to expose the underside of your top lip whilst simultaneously pushing your bottom lip up to stretch your jawline.

It’s kind of like striking a goldfish mouth pose, and then trying to smile so that the ends of your mouth curl up forming a sort of ‘W’ wave type effect.

Oh, and the bigger you make your eyes appear the more duckface street cred you get.

Universally, duckface is used exclusively as a photo pose and can be used to equal effect in a self-portrait,

or group shot

As to the origins of duckface, like all stupid Asian things it seems to have originated out of Japan. RocketNews24 credit the origin of duckface to the Japanese singer Ami Suzuki (photo right), who they claim ‘often used the expression in photo shoots… after (her) 1998 debut‘.

For some reason duckface caught on like wildfire in Japan (‘duck-mouth’ was officially entered into Japanese dictionaries in 2005) and has since spread to the rest of the world.

Fitting duckface into the Hello Kitty cutesy culture that thrives in Asian countries is a no-brainer.

After all, duckface takes a whole two seconds to do and instantly rolls stupidity, innocence, that ‘i’d do anything for you…anything (even though I’m probably a virgin)’ and ‘how can you be mad at me?’ look into one single facial expression.

Perfect for manipulating people, perfect for getting what you want and perfect for looking like a cute ditzy dumbfuck. Yes, duckface and Asia are a match made in heaven.

Despite having spread outside of Asia though, these origins seem to have been lost in translation;

Evidently no matter how much of an ugly duckling you might be, in the west duckface is open to everybody.

Even guys…

More a novelty than the lifestyle apparent it is in Asia, duckface seemingly carries with it no particular purpose or meaning in the west. You kind of get the feeling there’s a bit of ‘me-too, me-too!’ syndrome going on.

Here in Taiwan duckface is well into plague proportions and quite frankly I’m surprised the Centre for Disease Control hasn’t put out a memo about it yet.

Walk down any remotely photogenic area in Taiwan and your bound to be swamped by hordes of girls either on their own posing and taking photos with duckface, or enslaving their suffering boyfriends professional photographers to spend hours clicking away while they pose.

Stop and ask anyone why they do it here, and in chorus the reply you’ll always get is ‘it’s cute!‘.

Little attention seems to be paid to the fact that pulling duckface makes you look like a duck sure, but a duck with downs syndrome.

Sadly whilst duckface might yet prove to be just a fad in the greater world outside of Asia, here in Taiwan it’s pretty much become obligatory. Sort of like the equally stupid ‘V for victory’ sign people can’t help but pull in photos either.

Pretty soon we’re going to have a generation growing up in Taiwan who know duckface as something their brothers and sisters did for no apparent reason and they themselves now do out of nothing more than instinctive compulsion.

Yay for looking like a retard.

Underneath all the bitching and complaining you hear from Taiwan’s white-collar workers (primarily teachers), there lies a far more severe environment of silent suffering.

Imported into Taiwan like cattle, blue-collar foreign labor from South East Asia far outnumbers their white-collar counterparts. Unforunately though, with little social standing due to their darker skin color and an almost universal lack of English, or education – these workers are at the mercy of their Taiwanese employers.

Thus not at all uncommon to hear stories of how these workers are treated like slaves. Passports are confiscated upon entry to Taiwan, workers are demanded to work hectic schedules with 6-7 day work weeks all too common.

The larger employers keep tabs on their workers by locking them up in large compounds with curfews and strict rules on entry and exit to the compound. A boyfriend or girlfriend does get you some leniency with your employer (I’ve heard one additional day off a fortnight or month), but you need to submit photographic proof they exist.

Oh and miss curfew, and you’re locked out until the next morning – at which point you need to submit a detailed explanation to your employer pleading for forgiveness.

Punishment could be anything from a loss of holidays to pay cut to even temporarily tighter curfew conditions.

This isn’t some unusual abnormality in Taiwan either, this is the swept under the carpet and not talked about norm. And the blue-collar workers in these conditions are the lucky ones.

All over Taiwan hired maids are treated like garbage under the threat of deportation by their employers. Working pretty much as 24/7 on call caregivers with their employers, these maids work like dogs and are pretty much treated like slaves.

Ask any local and whilst they’ll readily admit it happens (and no doubt have stories of their own to tell you, as occasionally the more horrendous abuses of house staff make it into the Chinese news), but then they’ll also admit there’s nothing much that can be done.

These workers fear being deported and sent back to South East Asia more than they do being beaten and treated like crap.

The authorities in Taiwan largely turn a blind eye to these practices and regulation is low. It would seem that so long as nobody overstays a visa whatever happens to these people is unimportant.

Take this attitude towards South East Asian labour that has been hardwired into Taiwanese society over the past few decades overseas however, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.

Such is the case of Jacqueline Liu (劉姍姍), the Director General of the Taipei Economic and Cultural Office in Kansas, who made the mistake of treating her Filipino maid overseas the way maids are largely treated in Taiwan.

After her arrest, last Friday Liu appeared before a US court charged with violating US Federal law because she

forced her housekeeper to work long hours and paid her far less than promised in her employment contract.

Liu also allegedly took the woman’s visa and passport, and threatened her with deportation if she did not do as she was told.

This wouldn’t raise anyone’s eyebrows in Taiwan, but in the US basic human rights aren’t dependent on which Asian country you were born in.

Liu was arrested after the Filipino worker

arrived in Kansas City in March to work for Liu but later found herself underpaid and overworked. She complained to a compatriot who later helped her escape Liu’s house in August.

The Philippine man also reported the case to the FBI and ultimately led to Liu’s arrest.

Liu is accused of violating the law that covers the recruitment of foreign workers and their transport into the United States on fraudulent terms.

So how did Taiwan respond to the arrest?

Well, with Liu being a diplomat the Taiwanese government was furious. Not because Liu brought disgrace to the country by inadvertently drawing attention to the rampant foreign labor abuse in Taiwan, but because they claim Liu had diplomatic immunity.

How dare the US arrest Liu when all she was doing was carrying out ‘authorized functions‘.

Citing a an agreement signed in 1980 that offers immunity to Taiwanese diplomats from ’lawsuits and legal process relating to acts performed within the scope of their authorized functions‘, the Taiwanese government has been fiercely lobbying the US ‘demanding her (immediate) release’.

Apparently the social standing and human rights of South East Asian foreign labor in Taiwan has plummeted to such depths that abusing your maid is now an ‘authorized function‘ of Taiwanese diplomats.

Taipei’s Premier,  Wu Den-yih (吳敦義), even went as far as to label the defending foreign labor abuse as a matter of ‘safeguard(ing) Taiwan’s sovereignty and dignity‘.

It would appear that the Taiwanese government are completely oblivious to the fact that the rest of the world largely doesn’t see Filipinos as dark-skinned slaves with the social standing of a severed toenail…

Didn’t they get that memo?

The charge of fraud in foreign labor contracting carries a maximum sentence of up to five years in federal prison and Liu is expected to make another court appearance on Wednesday.

Hopefully in the meantime someone can pass along to the Taiwanese government that it’s probably not a good idea to broadcast to the world that abusing foreign labor is all official part and package of being a Taiwanese diplomat.

Ironically, just last week  Chui Jui-chuan and Chan Wan-ju, two Radio Taiwan international broadcasters, were awarded ‘Best Current Affairs Documentary’ at the Association of International Broadcasting (AIB) International Media Excellence Awards.

The award-winning radio program?

‘They’re Not for Sale —Investigating Taiwan’s Modern Slavery’.

The series is aimed at helping people to understand how migrant workers try to escape from traffickers, illustrates the inhumane treatment workers endure in Taiwan and the efforts government and society are taking to prevent human trafficking.

“Through our reports, we tried our best to unveil the truth behind Taiwan’s modern slavery, and hope people will face the issue, “ Chan said.

“When people can view foreign workers in the same light as Taiwanese workers, it means Taiwan has finally developed into a country governed by human rights”.

Perhaps they could do a follow-up show and interview all the government officials who think abusing foreign labor comes under authorised government activity for a diplomat…


Update 29th January 2012 – Liu has been sentenced in a US Federal court to ‘a time-served prison sentence, US$80,000 in fines, and deportation‘.

The $80,000 USD fine is ‘restitution to the two women‘ Liu effectively enslaved whilst she employed them.

As far as the Taiwanese government’s ongoing response to the Liu case goes, it’s great to hear that upon returning to Taiwan, ‘prosecutors will start investigations into the case immediately’.

Unfortunately though,

Taiwan prosecutors said that if they find no evidence that Liu had committed a crime in the U.S., the case will be dropped.

Under Taiwan law, Taiwanese citizens and civil servants are not subject to indictment for crimes committed in other countries, except in cases where the infractions are related to rebellion, piracy, drug crimes, corruption, forgery or other offenses that carry a prison term of more than three years.

With half of Taiwan mistreating their foreign maids and housekeepers, I’m pretty sure abusing foreign labour doesn’t carry a prison sentence over three years… so it looks like Liu is goign to walk free when she returns.

From all appearances, it seems the Taiwanese government still wholly support Liu and her actions. Instead of condemning Liu’s actions, which clearly are not within the scope of her ‘authorised functions’ as a Taiwanese diplomat, the Taiwanese Ministry of Foreign Affairs announced that they’ve

proposed a comprehensive review of the privileges, exemptions and immunities in the treaty so that Taiwanese diplomats in the U.S. will be guaranteed better rights in the future.

In the case of Liu, this would be the right to abuse foreign labour and treat people like slaves without any legal or criminal repercussions.

A dissapointing viewpoint from the Taiwanese government to say the least.

I could not just stand by and watch my country, Taiwan, get bullied internationally. I want people to know that there is a country called Taiwan and what an amazing place it is.

I believe that Taiwan deserves more recognition (on) the international stage (so) I decided to use this unique and interesting method to showcase Taiwan.

Why do I love Taiwan so much?

Its people are kind, its students are full of creativity and its natural scenery rivals those found anywhere else in the world.

Certain political figures may control immense capital, but they cannot dictate our morals.

Our education system may be deeply flawed and restrictive towards our children but it cannot deter their desire to succeed, nor block their hope for the future.

- ‘Ed’ Jianheng Wu (吳建衡), Sometimes Taiwan


Living the day to life of Taiwan under the grind of the relentlessly fast paced lifestyle here, it’s sometimes easy to dismiss the entire population as wandering aimlessly, lost in the whirlpool of the modern-day economic machine.

Occasionally though, people break through the surface and lift your spirits. Ed Wu is one of them.

Taiwan’s third prince, Lord Nezha is usually someone you see in full religious regalia being paraded around in a god awfully annoying temple procession in the early hours of the morning.

Armed with his silver circle With bagpipe sounding music accompanying him, Lord Nezha is known for his childishness but still remains a princely general.

Studying his fourth year at National Taiwan University, Wu decided that Lord Nezha would be the perfect vessel to showcase Taiwan to the world.

At a cost of $300,000 TWD ($9,950) Wu and his mate flew to Egypt and Kenya on a journey of cultural exploration and to share his country with anyone who would listen.

The end result is quite an interesting journey to watch. Wu embarked on a 27 day trip through Egypt and Kenya dancing his way inside a 14kg Lord Nezha costume.

He even got to dance on stage at an AIESEC (the world’s largest youth-run organization) conference in Kenya.

All in the name of promoting Taiwan because Wu feels that the world has ‘not heard of the situation in Taiwan‘.

Interestingly enough, the journey was not without its problems;

 Particularly unusual is vulnerable to challenge Egyptian businessmen will call you fuck u , or I will kill you like.

There are many traders want to lie to you this site can not take pictures with him before the trip can take pictures of the class, disputes occur, quarrel.

Then the police will co-citizens (co-operate?) to blackmail me.


Wu also visited Thailand but of this leg of the trip states

In Thailand not to act rashly, because the Thai police power is relatively large, but also be trifled with, so the shot must flash, Erawan dare shoot, afraid of something happening.

As a result, the only thing they shot in Thailand was the photo with Ronald McDonalds (or ‘Uncle McDonalds’ as I believe he’s called here).

A rather stark reminder of perhaps for all its faults, Taiwan is relatively an easy place to get by in.

It’s not often you see someone from Taiwan doing something like this and although I’m a bit late to the party, I only heard about Wu’s story today but still thought it was worth sharing.


Almost out of university now, I hope Wu doesn’t ever lose his spirit. Keep dancing mate, Taiwan needs more people like you.

For the most part Toufen is a sleepy town and doesn’t really lay claim to any tourist attractions in central Taiwan.

Well… not unless you count what is easily the biggest brothel area I’ve seen anywhere in Taiwan.

Coming in at 165,000m², the brothel area of Toufen is situated within easy walking distance of neighbouring Jhunan Township’s train station and is a short drive from both of Taiwan’s major highways 1 and 3.

Toufen’s brothel district is bordered by Gongyuan, Yongzhen, Bade 1st and Zhongyang roads.

Note that there’s Xinnan elementary school sits practically next door to the brothel area, also that big blue area is Jhunan Park, where lots of children play on a daily basis.

During the day, Toufen’s brothel district looks innocent enough.

Essentially the brothel area looks like a desolate wasteland with huge wide streets that don’t particularly seem to go anywhere, or service anything.

Dig a little deeper though and it soon becomes obvious why. Toufen’s brothel district does its best not to draw attention to itself. It’s bleak, uninviting and appears designed to look like an undeveloped industrial zone.

However it’s not all that hard to find traces of what the area’s actual purpose is though…

The above building even had a discreet backdoor entrance, complete with what appeared to be signage indicating the cost per woman.

1 whore for $3000 TWD ($100 USD) or 4 for $5000 ($166 USD)… a tough choice.

On the outskirts of the area, attempts seem to be underway to clean up the area but largely the actual seedy part of the district remains untouched.

I’m not exactly sure what the epic construction project above was, but when we asked we were told it was some government building.

Perhaps government officials needed easier access to…Jhunan Park?

For all its attempts at inconspicuous innocence though, when the lights go out, Toufen’s brothel district turns into a neon blazing whorehouse extravaganza.

You’ll of course have to excuse the quality of the shots as they all had to be taken from a distance. Each of these reputable establishments has an army of black suit wearing ‘security’ out front. More than once I had to make a quick escape as they began to approach me once they noticed I was taking photos.

Peeking inside as I went past them though, it was much of the same. You usually had a reception desk with a guy sitting there waiting to take… ‘orders’. The more bar type ones had lounges with women sitting inside either bored or entertaining customers with drinks.

And the dodgier looking ones yet were blacked out completely, who know what was going on inside.

Well actually, probably this:


What you’re looking at there is a news story from Apple Daily (English) claiming that Toufen’s police force deliberately ignore the township’s brothel area.

Having gone past the area a few times myself, I’d have to agree. It’s not all that uncommon to see the police sitting on the outskirts of the brothel area trying to catch drunk patrons leaving the brothels.

Meanwhile they’d have to be complete morons to not know what’s going on… and what with prostitution being illegal in Taiwan, yet they seem to blatantly be turning a blind eye to this hot spot.

Despite the relative openness of the brothel district however, Toufen’s police insist that

Our colleagues are doing the best they can [to clamp down on any illegal establishments].

Ongoing efforts to control the area had resulted in a reduction in the number of nightclubs and gaming arcades from 60 in 2000 to 18 this year. Those that remain all have proper licenses.


Proper licenses? That’s funny, considering that it was only a few days ago Taiwan officially approved the designation of legal red light districts and that to date, none have been established.

Toufen’s local brothel licensed business owners apparently have approached local government about making Toufen’s brothel district Taiwan’s first designated legal red light district, but they were shot down.

Miaoli County Commissioner Liu Cheng-hung (劉政鴻) said: “Miaoli is a rustic and simple place. We won’t consider the idea.”


Rustic and simple? Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

In a conversation we had with a Toufen local, they stated that the brothel area was ‘famous in Taiwan’ and that people from all around the country came there for cheap sex.

Most notably about ten to fifteen minutes north of the brothel area you’ve got the sprawling Hsinchu Science Park. Stuffed full of lonely single engineers it’s a no brainer that the park provides a strong continuous stream of clients.

An employee working the brothel area comments

We particularly like the Hsinchu Science Park engineers, because they give tips very generous.

There are engineers enjoy a night light tip hit more than thirty thousand yuan ($1000 USD).


Indeed, situated on the Jhunan Park south border of the area sits the glorious looking ‘Maison de Chine’ Hotel.

Sticking out like a sore thumb, with nothing else to see or do in the immediate area, it would appear the hotel’s sole purpose is to provide the brothel area’s wealthier clients with a place to crash.

My own visit to the brothel are revealed that when the lights went out, parked outside the Maison de Chine were tons of huge tour buses.

Shipped in from Hsinchu Science Park or wherever, it’s pretty clear that some of these brothels are obviously offering group discounts…bunga bunga for everyone!

Meanwhile Why the Miaoli government doesn’t just accept the fact that Miaoli County and Toufen are home to Taiwan’s largest brothel district and legalize it is beyond me.

I think we’re clearly well past the point of pretending it’s not there to save face… don’t you think?

Ah Asian Penis Syndrome… is there any limit to the amount of hilarity the stereotype of Asian men and tiny penises can provide us?

Whereas usually this syndrome involves the rest of the world laughing at Asians, turns out here in Taiwan the locals have discovered the joys of ridiculing other men over their penis size.

Well, not quite. Combine Asian Penis Syndrome with good old-fashioned Taiwanese adult immaturity and you wind up with a bunch of guys in a room measuring themselves and taking photographs of eachother.

Yeah, I wish I was kidding too.

A mens sauna on Linsen North Road  in Taipei noticed that business was on the decline and decided to spice things up with theme nights.

The sauna introduced various themes such as ‘tattoo night’, ‘beard night’, ‘nude night’, ‘fashion night’ (WTF?) but most famous… or infamous became the sauna’s ‘Eagle of the Night’ theme.

On an ‘Eagle of the Night’ night, patrons at the sauna would go into a room together, start masturbating and then measure themselves.

In search of the ‘eagle’, if you had a penis longer than 18 cm (7 inches) or greater than 5 cm (2 inches) in width, the sauna awarded you with a ‘VIP Eagle card’.

Holders of a VIP Eagle card were rewarded with free entry to the sauna.

Photographic evidence of VIP Eagle’s was also placed in ’a certified photo archive‘ and those who qualified were bestowed with ‘infinite honor‘.

At this point your probably wondering what the hell kind of sauna this is… situated on Linsen North Road I’ve actually walked around this area and it’s quite a well-known brothel area in Taipei City.

A quick stroll through the area reveals countless old Taiwanese men with hookers on their arms, armies of gangster black BMWs and every second business has two or three goons out front in suits eyeing everyone suspiciously.

Despite the owner assuring an undercover reporter that they indeed had ‘set the threshold so large, so that (they) do not lose money on it‘, I think it’s a safe bet that this establishment provided other ‘services’ to clients beyond sauna facilities.

But I digress, I mean imagine walking into this place on an ‘eagle’ night completely unprepared and then sitting there in the locker room minding your own business when a bunch of guys start furiously masturbating and measuring up… WITH PHOTOS!

And exactly what the hell does a ‘fashion night’ at a sauna involve?!

It’s rare that a news story leaves me with more questions than answers but… Taiwan, you’ve done it again.

Below is Next Media Animation’s video take on the story. Unfortunately there’s no English on this one but after reading the above… it’d be a stretch for you not to get the long and short of it.


Source: Apple Daily (English).

A few months ago I had a conversation with the girlfriend that went something like this…

‘hey, you busy?’

‘Writing… what’s up?’

‘This weekend my friend is having an engagement party, wanna go?’

‘Sure sounds good. What time?’

‘Around 10′ish’.

‘That’s a bit late to start the party isn’t it?’

’10am in the morning’.

‘…’

‘that ok?’

‘who has an engagement party at 10am on a Sunday morning?!’

…but it was no use. That Sunday we dragged ourselves out of bed half asleep and headed down to Taoyuan for an early morning engagement party.

I remember walking through the door and being hit in the face with the surreal experience of feeling like I was at an evening dinner, but with the stale ash taste in my mouth from the night before reminding me that it was indeed quite early in the morning.

As we sat down at our table I near cringed at the red wine offered me, but in the spirit of politeness graciously accepted the glass.

Here’s how an engagement party in Taiwan at 10am or so on a Sunday goes down.

After being seated and sipping on your wine, everyone has to wait a bit before the grand entrance of the engaged couple.

This pretty much works in much the same manner as a normal wedding reception. Red carpet, lights dimmed and everybody goes a little bit crazy as they enter. There was a pretty large crowd so I struggled to get a clear shot of the couple.

Shortly after the couple are seated at their table, out with the food!

It was a banquet meal (extremely early lunch by my time) that just coming and coming. Served up by the folks at ‘Fuli Sichuan Banquet’ in Taoyuan City up in Taiwan’s north, I must say despite the time the engagement party was held, they did a pretty superb job.

And although I wasn’t all that hungry, here’s the banquet in all its photographic glory;

Hot Sour Soup

Ham (I think) Salad

Lamb Chops

disgusting Sea Cucumber

Fried Fish

Duck Soup

Mushrooms with Abalone

Lobster with Prawns

and Curry Puff baked things

Throughout the meal, as they do at the wedding reception the parents of the engaged couple had to walk around to each table toasting everyone.

Unlike the wedding reception though this seemed to be a parents only affair. I’m not sure if that was a family decision or a notable difference between the engagement party and actual reception.

Bellies full, the clock barely touching on 1pm and we were finished.

As with the wedding reception, there’s the obligatory cookie box present for the guests along with lollies and photos with the engaged couple.

Not quite all that different to a Taiwanese wedding reception but seriously, 10am in the morning guys?

If I ever do get married in Taiwan I think I’m going to put my foot down and opt for a more traditional evening party. Banquets are nice and all… but after sitting through an eighty four million course meal first thing in the morning it’s not like you really feel like doing anything for the rest of the day.

For those interested, Fuli Sichuan Banquet is located in the heart of Taoyuan City not too far from Taoyuan train station, so access is relatively easy.



View Larger Map


Street address: 3rd Floor, Number 6, Minquan Road, Taoyuan City, Taoyuan County, Taiwan 330 (Chinese address: 桃園市民權路6號3F).

Prices for banquets are per table and range from $5,000 to $10,000 TWD ($165 – $330 USD) per table (unfortunately the Fuli Sichuan Banquet website is in Chinese so I have no idea which banquet it was we had).

On more than one occasion now, I’ve had a visit to Xinyi District in Taipei’s east interrupted by god awful music and turning to the source of the noise pollution always reveals the same culprit;

A white Toyota car driving around waving Chinese flags blaring ‘Cultural Revolution’ style music.

The latest sighting of this blight on Xinyi District was last Saturday when I attended the ‘Occupy Taipei’ protest. Circling Taipei 101, the driver feebly attempted to detract attention away from the protest and focus it on Chinese propaganda.

You can see him here trying to park right outside Taipei 101, before being shooed away;


Reaction wise he got a few ‘go back to China calls’ in English everytime he drove past (he drove past a lot), but for the most part I think the locals were pretty tolerant.

I wanted a good shot of the car (including license plate) so I positioned myself at some traffic lights and shot some closeup footage of the nuisance;


When the car stopped, I actually thought the driver was going to jump out and do something… but he thought better of it and continued on his way.

Speaking of the driver, I wanted to see who was idiotic enough to be driving such a car around Taiwan, so when he stopped near the protest I walked up to his window;

Looks like it’s some pathetically deluded old man stuck in last century… no idea if he’s a local, but given he’s making a political statement, I imagine he must be.

Otherwise the laws on politics and non-Taiwanese nationals should have caught up with him a long time ago.

What irritates me isn’t so much the fact that he’s advertising Chinese propaganda (around Taiwan’s most famous landmark nonetheless), but that public nuisance and noise pollution like this is seemingly legal in Taiwan.

There were a lot of police patrolling around that day in particular, because of the Occupy Taipei protest – so really, there was no excuse not to tell him to turn off his speakers and/or issue a citation.

Any type of loud speaker blaring completely ruins the outdoor atmosphere and whilst you kind of expect it at the nightmarkets, do you really need to have your ears assaulted walking around tourist spots?

Not to mention it must drive the locals nuts (I’ve seen this car patrolling Xinyi a few times now).

By all means drive your silly Chinese propaganda car around Taipei as you’re free to express your misguided patriotism… but enough with the annoying music already. I don’t want to hear your shitty sounding Chinese songs from the 50′s and I’m pretty sure I can’t be the only one.

And as far as China goes… this guy probably does more harm than good.

Apart from sincerly doubting that anyone who sees or hears the car is all of a sudden going to drop down to their knees and pledge allegiance to China, it’s hard to kick the thought that the driver is only able to spread his nonsense due to the personal freedoms cherished by the people of Taiwan.

Try drive a car around China with a Taiwanese flag and songs and after about twenty seconds you’d either dissappear or be shot dead by the government.

Yet one more reason for Taiwan to maintain its idependance and reject Chinese occupation.


Footnote: The car’s license plate is ‘CL-5553′, which doesn’t look to be a standard registration number for Taiwan, anyone know what that’s about?

Earlier this week I came across ‘Occupy Taipei’ in the local news. As a solidarity protest alongside occupying Wall Street in the US, Occupy Taipei sought to peacefully protest against the rich/poor divide in Taiwan.

Of course this is a generalisation, as there were a number of other reasons protestors attended too. Things such as unpaid overtime, long working hours, 99% of people not having enough to get by, tax rates, living standards, the Taiwanese pension being to low etc.

Basically if you had a gripe with society that was in some way related to finance, Occupy Taiwan was a chance to get your cause heard.

Take these guys for example, they were obviously fed up of being in the 1% of Taiwan who apparently don’t get any sex…

Waking up at 8′ish this morning, I had a quick shower before jumping on the Long Haul Trucker and rode over to Taipei 101 see what went down.

Getting there, the crowds were initially thin, probably less than a 100 (at times it felt like there were more media there than protestors).

Things did start to pickup as time went on, and the crowd did eventually grow to a decent enough size;

Even businessmen were stopping to get in on the action;

For some reason though, and I’ve got no idea why, the protestors decided to sparsely spread out around the outside of the Taipei 101 plaza area.

You had these guys on the front steps, who had decided to call themselves ‘Angry Birds’

These guys were singing some songs;

Somebody brought a tent;

And these guys were giving megaphone speeches;

Later on these guys came and sat down right outside the plaza entrance leading into Taipei 101.


I thought security wouldn’t have let them but they didn’t seem to mind (too much).

This guy (who I think is the head of security) though did seem to get a bit irate and started to order people around.


Speaking of security, they (along with the police) were out in full force;

The media were also out in abundance, although this reporter was having trouble convincing random members of the public to do a quick interview;

At around 12:30 or so, the protests outside moved to march around Taipei 101.

I think the idea was to form a link around the building, but there wasn’t nearly enough people at the protest to do it.

These two marchers were the only two ‘anonymous’ mask wearing protestors I saw the entire day;

Here’s some video footage of the march around Taipei 101 that I shot. Note the Chinese propaganda car gatecrashing the protest towards the end of the second video!


This idiot was driving around blasting pro-Chinese propaganda out of loudspeakers. He was being a bit of a nuisance, stopping where he could attempting to drown everyone out with his ‘music’.

I wonder if the irony was lost on him that if we were doing an Occupy China protest, everyone attending would no doubt have been shot dead by now.

What a wonderful reason to accept a Chinese invasion!

At one point the Angry Birds protestors took it upon themselves to block the Taipei 101 carpark;

Once back at the plaza, protestors tried to enter Taipei 101 itself.

After a bit of confusion with a gazillion news cameras blocking the way, police and security began to let some but not all people in. I think the deciding factor may have been if people appeared to be in organised groups or not. For example once inside, I didn’t see any Angry Birds protestors…

Seeing a protest in Taipei 101 was quite interesting. The protestors literally just interrupted a trade day and walked around singing songs and giving speeches.

As you can see, it got pretty chaotic.


Some shops (Chanel and Dior) shat themselves and scrambled to lower their security doors.

Meanwhile other stores stayed open, but placed staff at the entrance like security guards.

Other staff just gave up and decided to play with their phones.

Once the walking was done, the procession eventually made its way to a foyer area near Xinyi Road and protestors began to literally occupy Taipei 101 by sitting themselves down in this area.

Once seated the protestors sang some more songs;


This old guy didn’t seem too impressed. I’m not exactly sure what he was saying, but it looked like he was scolding this reporter for bothering to cover the protest;

This guy brought his guitar and did a song;


I also spotted this 921 Earthquake jacket which I thought was interesting…

Meanwhile some random white guy (photo right) thought it’d be a good idea to say something in English. He brought his friend up to the mic and started… but then I’m not sure what happened.

He seemed to have to finish what he was saying mid-speech and then a bunch of old guys (Taipei 101 managers I think) decided to speak.

Maybe the guy’s friend had trouble translating…


I was running low on battery and space on my N8 at this point so I decided to call it a day. From what I can gather some more speeches were given before the protest ended and everyone went on their way.

Although not something I fully understood (everything was in Chinese) it was definitely interesting to see a protest put on inside Taipei 101. Pretty much as far as Taiwan goes, Taipei 101 is the absolute symbol of capitalism and wealth… and to have it occupied by randoms protesting is something I doubt I’ll ever see again.

Occupy Taipei might have had smallish numbers compared to other protests worldwide today but it was always going to be a hard sell with Taiwan’s relatively low unemployment rate. Still, I enjoyed the day and a part of Taiwanese culture (although they were protesting in solidarity with American Wall Street protestors, the protest definitely had a Taiwanese spin on it) I wouldn’t normally get to see.

Whether anything actually comes from the protest other than filler for the daily news is another thing entirely. Personally, I wouldn’t be holding my breath.

After waking up at 4:25am and experience the complete and utter frustration of trying to be a part of Taiwan’s Double Day celebrations (and watch the military parade and aircraft convoy), I came away quite annoyed and was ready to pack it in call the rest of the day a loss.

Coming home following the dissapointment and having a short nap though, I woke to the sun shining through my window and decided to hit the Long Haul Trucker and take a ride to relax.

50km and a Starbucks Chocolate Frappacino (fancy name for slurpee) later, I found myself heading down to Dadaocheng Wharf in Taipei City’s east to watch the celebratory 10/10 fireworks.

After the smallish turnout in the morning, it was refreshing to see some huge crowds down at the wharf.

Unfortunately there was only a tiny gap to get into the wharf so this bottlenecked pretty quickly. That said, getting in wasn’t too bad.

Once inside Dadaocheng Wharf we trampled through the crowds until we found a spot that had a decent enough view of where we thought the fireworks were going to be. Deduced of course by the very scientific method of looking at the direction everyone else was facing.

Then, at around 8:30pm following half the crowd standing up, 20 minutes of Double Day fireworks began;

Note that Youtube don’t me upload over fifteen minutes of video a pop so I had to split the footage (there was a 5-10 second pause during the show anyway so it worked out nicely.

The second part of the fireworks show kicks off with Zhongxiao Bridge being lit up beautifully!

I think 20 minutes is the longest I’ve ever seen in a fireworks show and despite still having somewhat of a bitter taste in my mouth, the crowd atmosphere and fireworks kinda made up for the morning.

Again with the bottleneck at the entrance to Dadaocheng Wharf the only way out, we had a huge stampede of a crowd slowly edge its way through till we were all out.

If I can give some advice to anyone wondering what Double Ten Day is about in Taiwan, skip the morning government-only with a sleep in, ignore the afternoon shopping stalls and just go to the evening fireworks.

On the way home I went through Ketagalan Boulevard (where I’d been denied entry earlier in the morning) and stopped by the Presidential Palace.

Ketagalan Boulevard was looking particularly pretty with the 100th ROC anniversary gate and Christmas style tree decorations all lit up;

And the Presidential Palace was looking pretty fancy too.

I had to run out onto the middle of Ketagalan Boulevard to snap that last photo before being yelled at by the local police and Taiwan’s secret service… so hopefully it was worth it and somebody enjoys the photo!

Having missed Taiwan’s 10/10 Day last year (known as ‘Double Ten Day’), months ago I decided to cover it locally and write a big giant blog post about it with tons of photos and pictures.

For me, 10/10 day started yesterday evening when I set my alarm clock for 4:25am and tried to sleep.

The plan was to get up at 4:25am, have a quick shower, take Leela for a walk, jump on the scooter and head to Chiang Kai Shek Memorial Hall, find a park and cover the whole day of celebration as best I could.

Despite going to bed ridiculously early, I managed to get a decent enough nights sleep having woken up only once around midnight. When my alarm kicked in at 4:25, whereas usually I’d be dead tired… this morning I was actually excited.

Four hours later, here I am back home with a bitter taste in my mouth. Despite my planning and best of intentions to celebrate Taiwan’s national day with the locals and feel some Taiwanese pride… Double Ten Day couldn’t have been a bigger waste of my time.

After getting ready we jumped on the scooter and touched down at Chiang Kai Shek around 6am. The crowd had only just started to build on the back side of Ketagalan Boulevard and we weren’t entirely sure what was going on.

Apparently there was a flag supposed to be raised at 6am and we figured the crowd was there to watch it.

Joining the crowd it didn’t take much to get towards the front and from there it was evident nothing much was going on.

There were military police everywhere and between 6:15 and around 7am or so they let us advance forward twice, each time about 50 meters.

While we waited the crowd entertained themselves with cheers as various people put up and waved Taiwanese flags they’d brought with them. At one point a whole bunch of scouts rocked up and a path was made through the crowd to let them in.

Then, out of the blue people started being herded back towards Chiang Kai Shek Hall, away from the Presidential Palace.

We eventually heard a police officer on a portable megaphone repeating to just follow everyone as they were all heading towards the parade area.

So that’s what we did.

Walking down ZongShan South Road, we weren’t exactly sure where we were going so we asked a policeman (there were tons of them everywhere). He told us there’d be some stuff to watch at Chiang Kai Shek Hall across the road… and that he wasn’t sure where everyone else was going.

Coming to the intersection of AiGuo West Road, we crossed ZongShan South Road to see what was happening at Chiang Kai Shek Hall.

After we crossed the road, I noticed that most of the crowd were heading down AiGuo West Road;

Again not sure what we were doing we asked another policeman what where they were going only to be told they were heading to the Presidential Palace to watch the morning show.

That show (or parade or whatever it was) being exactly what I’d come to see, we waited for the traffic lights to turn before crossing over ZongShan South Road.

As we crossed this convoy of army trucks rolled past;

Initially we were in the big swell of the crowd but it had thinned out a bit now. Still following it though, we walked down AiGuo West Road and were then stopped at the first set of traffic lights.

Apparently they’d reached their quota (a few hundred people) and were now letting nobody through.

What?!

Apparently, unless we had some badge that you had to organise earlier, no more members of the general public were being allowed through. All this because we stopped to talk to a policeman for 2 minutes and crossed a road.

We stood there for a few minutes trying to reason with the guy (‘but we were told to come here by the guys over there!’) but it was no use. Even after us there were still people streaming down the same foothpath obviously directed there by the same police who told us to ‘follow the crowd’.

Turning back towards Chiang Kai Shek Hall we then heard the same story all the way back. Unless we had those passes we weren’t getting in.

I wasn’t going to create a scene at this point… but I was fucking furious at the general lack of communication and government incompetance which had subsequently ruined my plans.

A few hundred people out of  a city of over 2 million get to watch the National Day celebrations, are you fucking kidding me Taiwan?

Apparently there was some parade starting at 9 or 9:30… but having missed out on the early morning stuff, I figured ‘fuck it’ and headed home. I wasn’t in any mood to sit around for two hours doing nothing.

As a final kick in the teeth, walking back to the scooter along Chiang Kai Shek Hall we saw hordes of tourist bus groups walking past us. Apparently they were overseas visitors who all had passes.

It appears that National Day in Taiwan is more about putting on a show for foreign visitors to the country rather than the locals. Apart from a few hundred people in the crowd we were in, nobody else in Taiwan got to see anything.

Coming home we flicked on the television and ironically there was a report about other locals complaining about not being let in and standing around barriers.

They also stated that 20,000 or so international visitors were attending… a huge contrast to the few hundred locals let in. Seriously, this has got to be the biggest joke of a national day in any country I’ve ever heard of.

I know there’s supposed to be some parade on about 1pm or so and fireworks tonight, but after the complete fuck up of a morning… I’m not sure I can be bothered going to cover it.

10/10 Day in Taiwan: What a fat fucking waste of time that turned out to be.