Nothing too top of the range, but I became quite fond of Geoffrey Beene’s slim fit shirt offerings and paired them with some fitted Taro Cash trousers. Cheap enough to be affordable and decent quality enough to look good.

Upon arriving in Taiwan I’ve thus far been disappointed with the local clothing options. Shirts are ill fitted and baggy, or worse still offered in a short sleeve option and pants come in a range of styles from slightly boxy to Spongebob Squarepants boxy and everything inbetween.

I short, I’ve been dreading the decisions that will need to be made as my local supply of clothing gives in to wear and tear.

Thankfully thus far, despite three buttons coming out in the wash and a shirt collar wearing through – everything Taiwan has thrown at my clothes has been repairable.

…well everything until now.

A few months ago I was in the middle of a class when one of my students started to point at my chest and exclaim something in Chinese. It wasn’t long before the rest of the class picked it up and before I knew it I was staring down the barrel of three distinct red blots on previously white shirt.

Somehow my whiteout marker had managed to not just streak my shirt with a stray flick of the nib, but to actually leave blobs of ink on it.

Immediately I wanted to go home and do everything I could to save the shirt but then I realised I had no idea. After battling through the rest of the class I finally managed to get home and hit the internet in search of answers.

Armed with several methods to try I set about putting them into action…

…a few hours later I hung my head in shame and resigned to the fact that I was never going to have a clean shirt again. This in itself didn’t bother me, except for the prominent position of the red blots leaving my shirt virtually unwearable without a tie.

Baby wipes had absolutely no affect on the stains, even when rubbed gently with a toothbrush and rag held underneath to transfer the stain.

Rubbing alcohol had no affect on the stain.

I did have some limited success with applying dry eraser cleaning fluid directly to the spots and gently rubbing with a toothbrush, but it was nowhere near enough to remove the stain; just to gradually lighten it up to a certain point at which no more could by transferred over to the towel underneath.

A lot of the suggestions on the internet refer to Colgate’s Murphy’s Oil Soap, which seems to be some sort of wood cleaner. Unfortunately outside of the US I’m not sure if it’s available and by all accounts it’s not available locally here in Taiwan.

With one shirt down and four remaining I became more then slightly annoyed when the exact same thing happened just last week but this time in green. Once again I looked down and was disheartened to see that my stupid green whiteboard marker had managed to leave two blobs of ink on the front of my shirt.

This time the stains are off to one side on the front so even a freaking tie won’t hide them. For all occasions but the classroom, my shirt is ruined.

The culprit it seems appears to be my refill technique for my whiteboard markers. Even slightly too much marker fluid back into the marker pens can appear to cause a buildup of fluid that sprays itself onto anything nearby when you take off the marker lid.

In the meantime whilst I fiddle around with my refill technique, anyone got any ideas on how to get these bloody stains out. I’m well aware the white shirt’s stain has set ages ago but maybe I can still save the blue one?

As I continue teaching I can see this being a recurring problem. If it’s not blotches of ink it’s only a matter of time before some kid runs past with a marker in hand not paying attention that’s going to leave a mark.

I’m down to three clean shirts now and would rather not lose all my much loved office gear to the perils of teaching English abroad.

…little help?


If you want to experience the worst of a culture, forget travelling off the beaten track, forget booking holidays to places you’ve never heard of and forget moving there and hoping a country’s real culture eventually exposes itself to you.

All these methods might work, but if you really want to get down to the nitty gritty of certain aspects of some cultures – just do what I did.

Start dating the locals.

I’d just finished work on Tuesday night when I decided to give the girlfriend’s phone a call again. Despite feeling kind of hopeless about it I’d been trying her number every 6 hours or so in the off chance I’d get through to her.

After three days of either being cut off or hearing ‘the number you have called is unavailable’ message, this time it rang through.

This gave me a little hope so I hit redial and patiently waited…

…this time she picked up the phone. It was the first time I’d heard her voice since Saturday night and I had a million questions, of which the most important ones were;

‘hey! are you alright?! where are you!’

‘i’m…ok. I’m on the MRT’

The MRT is Taiwan’s subway system and I could hear a lot of noise in the background. This kind of made it difficult to talk.

‘what happ-actually don’t worry. Just are you sure you’re alright? I’ve been worried out of my mind the last three days.’

‘I’m ok. not really, but I’m alive’.

‘I’m going to come see you. I’ll be over in a bit’

‘now?! wait… that’s probably…I don’t think that’s a good thing for you.’

‘what? why?! Seriously I’ve eaten like one Snickers bar over 2 days and haven’t been able to concentrate on anything else.’

‘I….I have bruise and cuts. I’m not good looking.’

As she finished her last sentence she started to cry.

‘I don’t want see you. ok? I don’t think it’s a good plan for you.’

I don’t cope very well when girls start crying as it’s not something I like to see, so I didn’t offer any argument.

‘bruise and cuts? Are you sure you’re ok though. That’s all I care about.’

‘Yes I am ok now.’

I was still at work and desperately wanted to talk to her longer so I confirmed she was heading home and told her I’d call her again when I got home.

I still had a million other questions but for now wasn’t convinced she was ok.

The cycle home gave me a few minutes to think and after the relief that at least she was contactable again washed over me my mind drifted back to Saturday night.

Despite my gut feeling I’d listened to her sister and cousins and let events transpire as they did. Here I was about to do it all over again. My gut told me everything wasn’t ok and hearing her cry and talk about cuts and bruises only fuelled my wanting to see her.

When I got home I called her up and told her I was coming around. I didn’t care if she was cut up, after 3 days of worry I just wanted to see her again.

By the time I got there she was having a coffee with her sister and cousins from Saturday – who all live nearby.

Clearly they’d all gotten the details of the past three days out of the way and were now doing the supportive ‘chatting about other stuff to take your mind of it’ thing – but I still knew practically nothing.

When I arrived I must have had worry written all over my face as even though her sister’s English isn’t so good she still managed to fumble out ‘you look so worried!’ when she saw me.

I thought about giving an obvious answer but let her statement slide unanswered.

I could see a little bruising around one of my girlfriend’s eyes but I couldn’t see any cuts. I immediately hoped this didn’t mean he’d gone to work on her body, but I didn’t think it the right place to ask.

After a quick hot chocolate her sister and cousins left us alone and we went off together. I had so many questions but was aware the last thing you want after an ordeal is to be interrogated.

Over the course of the night we spent alot of time talking, she cried and I listened in disbelief.

The guy was someone she’d known for seven years but they’d only started dating late last year. They broke up early this year (thinking about it now I forgot to ask why).

Whatever the reason she was done with him but this explains why she went outside and the casualness of her sister and cousins over it. They’d known this guy for a long time and thought it was just going to be your standard ‘waaah I love you get back together with me sentiment’.

They didn’t think he was capable of what went down.

After coming in and giving me the death stare my girlfriend had left with him because he’d threatened to start a fight with me. That’s what all the death staring was about as my girlfriend collected her bag.

Apparently for Taiwanese guys death stares are something akin to a peacock showing off it’s feathers in an attempt to woo females. You know you could just talk to the guy, but hey… easier to death stare and pretend you’re the man.

After leaving they did talk a bit but then things got nasty. He dragged her off and took her to his house.

Immediately my reaction was this is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.

‘Why didn’t you scream and call out? You were in the middle of a busy area! How does one guy force a girl to his house?!’

Turns out she did scream and put up protest, but nobody listened. She said some people stopped and looked but then pretended like they didn’t see anything.

Apparently getting involved in what looks like a couple’s argument isn’t the done thing in Taiwan. No matter how abusive it might appear or the fact that the two people involved aren’t a couple to begin with.

Meanwhile back at his house he boarded her up and began to question her.

He wanted to know why we were holding hands… to which she replied we were a couple.

This answer resulted in a king hit to her face, cutting her upper lip and causing it to swell and bleed.

He then went off drinking, leaving her trapped inside behind locked doors. His father who was originally home fled the scene, apparently scared of his own son.

Upon returning the questioning resumed… which at some point lead to the bruising of her eye.

As I listened to her experience my mind headed in a direction I didn’t want it to. It was something I’d been dreading the past three days and despite not being a religious person was the one thing I prayed didn’t happen to her.

It was the hardest question I’ve ever had to ask someone.

‘Did… did he force you to have sex with him?’

‘…’

‘…yes. But I didn’t want to tell you.’

I began to shut down emotionally at this point. I remember just lying on my bed staring at the roof… trying to let my emotions configure themselves so I knew what it was I was supposed to be feeling.

I didn’t feel angry or outraged, which surprised me. After three days of hoping the worst didn’t happen to hear it did, left me stonewalled.

‘Do you think I’m a dirty girl? Do you want to break up with me?’ She eventually asked inbetween tears.

I tried to think but my mind had shut itself off. A tsunami of sadness washed over me as I began to feel tinges of responsibility. Someone else had put themselves through this ordeal so that I wouldn’t have to enter a potentially physical confrontation.

Despite not knowing what was going on at the time and failing to read the situation without any backstory, this was something I was going to have to live with the rest of my life.

‘No. I just feel sad. Sad for you and what you had to go through. I am so sorry.’

The rest of the night was spent reconciling her as best I could.

The other two days of her ordeal were spent mostly talking. Upon waking the next day the guy saw the blood on her face and claimed he didn’t remember anything. He got her a cold egg to ease the lip swelling and told her he was sorry.

He then began to punch himself in the face… hard enough apparently to draw blood.

What was supposed to be an act of regret obviously at that point came too late. The damage had been done.

Following that came suicide threats with knives and in general, what seemed like the outpouring of pent up emotion that is the sad end result of an overly repressed society.

He finally let her go after pleading she wouldn’t leave him and she agreed they’d remain friends.

I’ve been in this relationship a few months now and I’m still processing what went down over the past three nights. We spent a good few hours discussing why nobody had gone to the police over any of this and she said they are like the people on the street.

The police simply don’t want to get involved in what they see as couple disputes, regardless of whether rape is involved or the couple aren’t even together anymore. She said they don’t take that sort of thing seriously.

I wasn’t happy with this answer as I’m sure if I went down there and kicked up a fuss then at least still if nothing was done, in my own mind I’d be settled that I’d tried.

Regardless I don’t know what was going through her mind. It was the first time that anything like this had happened to her and I didn’t want to put her through anything else.

After a long sleep the next day I took her to get a massage to try and relax a bit and I think we’re going to be ok from here.

She’s agreed to be more careful and wants nothing more to do with the guy. Thankfully I didn’t have to convince her that she didn’t owe him anything to begin with, let alone after what he’s done.

For me personally I think I’m going to chalk this up to the tapestry that makes us who we are. I’m still not entirely happy with the outcome, that is some guy kidnaps a girl for three days, punches her, has his way with her and then receives no punishment, but this isn’t my culture.

As much as I’d love to run amok treading on toes, with my own minor experience with the police here and from what I’ve heard, my girlfriend’s sentiment on the matter is probably right. As much as I hate admitting it.

Coming from a culture where domestic violence is taken seriously and rape even more seriously, Taiwan’s apparent tolerance of both doesn’t and probably never will sit right with me.

I have a gut feeling that despite my girlfriend not having any further contact with this guy, that we haven’t seen the last of him. I hope it happens later rather then sooner as I really don’t know what I’m capable of.

I don’t know if I’ve suppressed any anger I have knowing that showing any of it now is useless or just how much of it there might be.

For now though at least she’s safe and that’s all that matters.

This isn’t the Taiwan you’ll read about in travel guides, holiday planning books or experiences people are likely to share with you. But it’s there… tucked away in what tries to present itself as a progressive society.

When I left Australia I’d hoped to leave behind what had been a turbulent year in some aspects of my life and I looked forward to sharing with people life in Taiwan from the ground level.

Turns out turbulence was already waiting for me when I got here, tenfold worse then anything I’d ever experienced back home.

It’s almost as if for most of the Taiwanese, religion is more of a superstitious convenience. It’s easier to attribute luck, Buddha, ghosts or something else for anything good or bad event that happens I guess.

That said, quite like the west you have the token religious populations but then you also have the die hards.

A few months ago now I was cycling through Hsinchu county and came across a place called Emei lake. As I cycled through Emei lake, out of the blue and seemingly in the middle of nowhere, popped up the biggest freaking Buddha statue I’ve ever seen.

My first glimpse of the statue was along an adjacent mountain. Piqued with curiosity as to what this statue was doing amongst random countryside I got closer and discovered the statue was deceptively gargantuan from afar.

Massive is a bloody understatement. This gargantuan Buddha statue comes in at 72 meters or 236 feet tall. Standing as close as I could get to the statue you really get a sense of being dwarfed by its size.

After I got home I hit the net for some further answers and turns out it’s a Maitreya Buddha; otherwise known as a future Buddha. From what I can gather he’s set to return at some point and well share his enlightenment with us or whatever it is Buddhas do when they return.

Next to the statue there’s some construction work for what I can only assume is going to be some sort of massive accompanying temple. I managed to convince the security guys watching over to let me on site for a quick photo and hopefully you can get a sense of the epic construction being undertaken here.

The building site is freakishly massive and quite impressive. Meanwhile I’m wondering how many millions a project like this costs and where the money comes in. Surely you need a bit more then random donations to erect something as massive as this.

As I cycled away with a newfound respect for Taiwanese architectural skills I couldn’t help but wonder the carnage should the statue ever fall over. Unlikely due to it’s weight I know, but cmon…. that things just begging to be toppled over by a typhoon.

Imagine the carnage if it fell onto the temple building!

When I came to Taiwan I’d heard a few stories about Taiwanese girls and their sometimes crazyness. Stories about extreme jealousy, being bombarded with phone calls and SMS messages and wanting marriage commitment after a few months were all in the back of my mind upon arriving.

Thus far my journey into Taiwan’s dating scene has been hit and miss. I’ve been yelled at, watched girls fight over me, been dropped like a hot potato for no apparent reason, had some girls try the subtle ‘buy me this!’ hints dropped at every opportunity they get and so on and so forth.

Mind you I’ve also had some wonderful times too, but thus far the negatives far outweight the positives. Well, almost. I guess the positive of feeling connected with someone overrides the negatives while it lasts.

Anyway, I digress. When I arrived in Taiwan I believed I was more then prepared to face the challenge of the local dating scene. Conscious of the cultural differences and aware that I’d be fighting stereotypes at every turn I thought I had a good shot.

Nothing though, not anything I’d read or heard about prepared me for the crazy ex-boyfriends though. I guess I’ve just been lucky thus far in that regard as it’s never come up. Until now.

Here’s how it went down.

My current girlfriend, who I’ve been seeing for nearly two months now, has started to get pretty serious. I definitely care for her and we’ve moved well beyond the casual dating stage.

Like any other weekend we were at dinner on Saturday night with her cousins and sister. Enjoying the food and chatting away I was initially oblivious at first but later recalled seeing a guy walk in, tap my girlfriend on the shoulder and walk out. His movements were abrupt so I hadn’t noticed it at first but later recalled seeing it out of the corner of my eye.

After a few seconds of what seemed like confusion. My girlfriend got up and went outside.

I got up to go and see what the fuss was about but her cousins and sister told me not to worry.

‘This guy is a joke, don’t worry will be over soon.’

Not knowing who he was or what he wanted I decided not to kick up a fuss and just let whatever was going on play out.  In hindsight, that was the biggest mistake I’ve made yet in dating girls here.

After about five minutes of him standing there with his hands on his hips and my girlfriend looking increasingly uncomfortable, they finally came inside. At this point the guy didn’t say anything to me but was clearly giving me the deathstare.

Again, a few seconds of awkwardness (I remained seated as her cousins and sister told me not to worry), my girlfriend grabbed her bag and left with him. Not a word to me.

‘Alright, I’ve been patient – can someone tell me what the hell just happened?’

‘It’s ok. That guy is a joke, he’s jealous of you. Don’t worry, they’re just over there talking. We’ll go to the night market and she’ll join us later.’

This made me extremely uncomfortable.

‘Who is that guy and how did he know we were here?’

I’d recalled my girlfriend telling me about one of her sister’s crazy exes. He’d routinely stalk her house till all hours of the morning and track her down if she went out. Any guy that dated her he’d try to fight.

Y’know, to show her he still cared or something, regardless of the fact she wanted nothing to do with him.

He’d also held her hostage a few times threatening to beat her up if she left… and he’d broken her phone in a fit of rage recently. My girlfriend’s sister was prone to disappearing once every few weeks when this guy would abduct her.

When I asked why they didn’t do anything about it, I was told that the police don’t like to get involved in this sort of stuff as they see it as not important.

Turns out this ex knew the guy who’d interrupted our dinner and my girlfriend’s cousins decided the sister’s ex must have followed us here and called the other guy up, just to shit stir.

Anyway, I sat there anxiously and we continued dinner. I wanted to go outside but decided this was something my girlfriend would probably be best to handle. She’s a strong girl so I figured it’d be ok.

This was the second biggest mistake I made that evening.

When the time came to leave for the nightmarket and still I hadn’t seen any sign of her I pleaded with her sister and cousins.

‘Look I’ll stay here so there’s no fights but please go and get her. This is ridiculous and I’m hugely uncomfortable not knowing what exactly is going on.’

Finally agreeing, they went out to get her and returned about ten minutes later…

…my girlfriend wasn’t with them.

‘Um…she’s gone. We don’t know where they went.’

Now I was ready to panic.

‘but it’s ok, I think she is safe. Let me call her.’

…no answer.

‘Safe? If she’s safe then where is she?’

‘…I don’t know.’

‘Who was that guy?!’

‘just some guy… he’s jealous of you.’

‘so he’s taken her away?!’

‘Yes.’

‘Why doesn’t (name removed) just leave?!!’

‘If she does… he’ll beat her up. He probably take her phone too. She left with him so he wouldn’t fight you.’

‘And you think she is SAFE?!?!’

The complete blaiseness of the trio left me gobsmacked. Meanwhile I had uncomfortable knots in my stomach forming with horrible images of rape, assault and god knows what else forming in my mind.

I knew that if something like this happened back home the outcome probably wouldn’t be good for those involved. If my girlfriend was willing to leave with this guy after he supposedly threatened her he’d have a punch on, what else would he be able to convince her to do?

What followed has easily been the worst 24 hours of my time here in Taiwan.

I stayed with the cousins and sister for the rest of the night glancing at my watch and hoping that my girlfriend would call one of us at any moment to say she was ok and would be joining us – she did call once and spoke briefly to her sister but the call got cut off.

‘He take the phone,’ she explained showing me vivid hand action re-enactments.

I should point out at this point that the cousins and her sister had very little English ability so my information was scarce. I got the feeling much more was going on from the outbursts of rapid talking between them from time to time but nothing was explained to me.

Finally midnight rolled around and we decided to call it a night. By this point I was beyond panic and the deep onset of worry had well and truly encapsulated my thought train.

I’d thought about going to the police but knew all I had for them was ‘some guy ran off with my girlfriend and might be beating her to a bloody pulp or worse’.

I knew nothing more and figured there was little they could do.

With a crushingly overwhelming sense of hopelessness I parted from the trio and went home. Still, I hoped against hope that I’d get that phone call saying she was ok.

I tried to sleep at home with my phone next to me ear so I’d hear it… but it was hopeless. I was worried sick at this point.

At around 3am my phone started to ring and I was relieved to see it was her number.

‘Finally!’ I thought to myself.

I answered the phone and my what little hope I had left sunk from my throat to the pit of my stomach. It was a guy on the phone and I presumed the same guy from the restaurant.

‘Hey you. Fuck you. Yeah… fuck you!’

‘sorry what?’

‘I am (name removed)’s boyfriend. Fuck you. I want to kill you! Where are you?’

‘Where are you? Where is (name removed)?’

‘Where are you? Fuck you… I am (name removed)’s boyfriend.’

The conversation went around in circles in this manner. I sensed this guy didn’t know much English and was doing his best to sound agressive over the phone.

I eventually hung up but for about thirty minutes he kept calling back. I had to pick it up incase my girlfriend managed to get the phone (I never heard her in the background), but I put it on speakerphone and each time it was him calling.

The rest of the night was uneventful, save for my not sleeping at all well due to complete fullblown worry. There had been times I’d felt hopeless in Taiwan what with the language barrier and everything but it’d never been this bad.

When I woke up from a troubled sleep at around 8am, my girlfriends phone had been switched off, run out of battery or worse still, destroyed. It went straight to the ‘this number is unavailable’ message.

It’s been over 24 hours now since I last saw my girlfriend and I’m still a worrying wreck. What exactly has/is happened/happening I have no idea and it’s killing me.

I just hope she’s ok.

So that’s been the last 24 hours of my life. In a country where it’s seemingly normal for ex-boyfriends to hold their exes hostage, beat them and destroy their phones I feel slightly out of place. I don’t know what to think. I’m trying hard not to jump to any conclusions and the wave of emotions and thoughts I’ve had has been overwhelming.

I’ve been angry at myself for not stepping in, angry at her for leaving without saying anything or explaining, angry at her cousins and sister for not being able to fill me in properly… worried to death that he’s done something to her, that she’s hurt or worse, I don’t know. But most of all it’s not knowing. That’s a deep worrying sadness that’s underneath any other thoughts I’ve had.

Meanwhile, I’m stuck waiting for a phonecall, email or something to tell me she’s ok. For now that’s all I’m worried about. What exactly went down and who he is can come later.

Apologies if I don’t write over the next few days – I’m  not in the right headspace for it.

With the sun down and the mercury still at a pleasant 28-29, a walk along the beach seemed the perfect way to end the night.

So we thought.

Walking along the boardwalk at a casual pace enjoying the atmosphere, being Taiwan most people were either still working or had family business to attend to. Save for a few lonely teenagers we pretty much had the boardwalk to ourselves.

As we discussed life in general just did the happy couple thing, out of the corner of my eye I suddenly realised we weren’t alone.

Mere meters away from the boardwalk was this guy. Watching us with his hate filled, accusing eyes.

Yes, that’s a fullsized lamppost in the background holding up his massive spider web too.

To give you an indication of size  this guy was about the size of a small tea saucer and about an inch and a half tall or thick.

Here’s a closer shot;

And a closer shot again,

At this point I was trembling and taking photos was kinda useless. I’m one of those arachnophobic people who’s first reaction is to squash it dead any time I see an insect. Getting so close to such a large spider where I could see him moving about his little tendon things around his mouth had me breaking out in a cold sweat.

I felt like he was going to jump onto me at anytime and give me an Aliens face sucking moment.

After picking up our hearts off the pavement and continuing, it wasn’t long before we got to another stretch of the boardwalk that wasn’t too well lit. By this stage I was wide eyed and peering in all directions to make sure I didn’t walk into a giant spiderweb that this time wouldn’t be so thoughtfully placed to the side.

‘we should probably turn back,’ she said.

‘why?’

‘I don’t like the lighting here, it’s too dark.’

‘but there’s nobody around, what’s going to happen?’

‘that’s what I don’t like. There’s nobody around and it’s dark over there.’

‘relax it’ll be fine. This is Taiwan it’s safe to walk anywhere.’

Reluctantly I persuaded her to continue as I felt I needed to wind down a bit after the giant spider ordeal.

As we ventured out into the dark part of the path I started to relax a bit. I mean I’d been here for over six months now and that was the first giant spider I’d seen in Taiwan. Clearly it wasn’t an everyday occurrence and arachnophobia or not… I decided I had nothing to worry about.

The conversation picked up again and we started to discuss our spider histories. You know, ‘so what’s the biggest spider you’ve ever seen’ type stuff.

‘well, the biggest spider I’ve seen was back ho-OMG WHAT WAS THAT?!’

Somewhere over the bushes, amongst the pitch black beyond what either of us could make out came the sudden angry sounding howling of wild dogs, and they seemed way to close for comfort.

Again the howling sounded and although it might have just been a spur of the moment thing, they definitely sounded like they were getting closer.

We took one look at eachother and instinctively turned and ran. Back into the well lit area of the boardwalk , past the giant spider (who was still there) and onto the safety of the scooter.

As we raced away from the horrors of the beach in silence, I made a mental note that Taiwan’s beaches were off my list for places to go for a romantic evening stroll. Permanently.

Between wild dogs hunting us down and arachnophobia inducing giant freaking spiders I think it’ll be a while yet before I return for even a daytime swim.

It’s only when you want to feed a large group of people, such as a family, that the cost of eating in becomes comparable to eating out.

I was recently at one such family dinner and following the mountain of a banquet the rare opportunity arose to participate in some dish washing. Needless to say when a family sits down to eat a ton of food the dish count is quite high and takes a while.

After we’d finished washing up, one of the family members began to start stacking the dishes in what looked like a wine chiller.

‘Oh cmon, surely you guys aren’t that desperate for chilled bowls and plates?!’

Turns out it wasn’t a wine chiller but rather an electric dish dryer.

I’m not entirely sure but I believe the blue light is also a sterilizer, but I had trouble explaining that concept in broken English/Chinese so I can’t say for certain.

Regardless an electric dish dryer migth be ok if you live in Antartica, or Iceland, or Alaska… when it comes to Taiwan however we’re talking average temperatures of 28 degrees C in summer and 18 degrees C in winter (it varies a bit north to south but it’s anything but cold).

I don’t sweat much as it is but in the heat of summer if I stray too far away from a fan it’s not long before the waterworks turn on and I’m reaching for a bubble tea or slurpee.

Yet somehow in this climate someone has not only managed to make available an electric dish dryer but also convinced people that they need one.

Worse still people are actually buying them!

I mean why wait for nature to dry your dishes when you can just nuke them. Working 85 hours a day, cleaning your house 8 times a week, washing your clothes in the bathtub every night, putting electrical appliances that are used daily back in their box after every use… all that’s fine, but don’t expect us to waste time drying dishes.

Psh, that’s crazy talk.

Having been seeing a girl steadily for about a month now and completely missing February’s Valentines day due to being single, this time around I had no excuse.

When you live in a country where you can barely read anything and you’re at the stage where speaking to people is still mostly a chore due to language barriers, trying to organise anything remotely romantic is an uphill battle.

Asking other guys for help seems a bit weird, asking other single girls is a no-no because you leave them feeling depressed and asking taken girls is a waste of time as you either make them insanely jealous and cop flak from their boyfriends, or they’re too busy organising their own day.

In the end I settled for some good old fashion flowers. On the day however I realised I had no idea where to buy any. My foolproof plan on relying on roadside vendors to pop up over the weekend fell through due to the utter lack of aforementioned roadside vendors.

No shit, when Chinese New Year rolls around every guy with a blue truck is out there peddling fireworks. The rest of the year you can buy edible organs from animals you’ve never even heard of prepared for you out the back of a truck, but try find roadside flowers on Valentines day weekend?

That’s crazy talk.

With time running out I launched plan B. We’d agreed that due to my complete lack of knowledge of what to do in Taiwan romance wise (and the personal acknowledgement of still very much learning the Taiwanese girl psyche, romantic or otherwise), she’d organise the bulk of the day. I later found out she’d already gone ahead and organised what we were doing before I suggested it, so at least we seemed to be on the same wavelength about what the limitations of my planning skills were.

Still, manners wise I had to contribute something and Plan B was a post dinner bubble bath. I’d originally wanted to do it with candles but couldn’t find any nice smelly scented ones. That and I’m not exactly sure how our fire alarm system works… but I’m pretty sure that setting it off wouldn’t be romantic.

You can burn half a forest of lucky money outside your door, that’s cool – but burning anything inside your house in Taiwan is generally frowned upon.

Her side of the day went quite well. We had a late start to the day due to sleeping in, dinner was awesome, we shared some great views of Taipei from way up in the mountains somewhere and then finished up with a stroll through one of the nightmarkets (I forget which one).

After we got home I surprised her with my idea and it seemed to go down really well. She’d never had a bubble bath before and got all excited.

Whilst she munched on some of the fruit we’d bought from the nightmarket I began to prepare the bath. Fifteen minutes later or so it was done.

At this point I called out it was ready and did what any normal person would do, I started to undress.

About halfway into getting my clothes off she came bursting into the bathroom with a horrified look on her face.

‘WAIT WAIT WAIT, you haven’t taken a shower yet!’ she blurted out in an accusing tone.

‘uh… what?’

‘a shower, a shower! You can’t get in the bath you’re all dirty!’

‘what do you mean dirty, we didn’t do anything today. We just had dinner and went up to the mountains!’

‘doesn’t matter, you went outside. Have to have a shower! You can’t have a bath dirty!’

‘The bath is supposed to replace a shower! That’s the whole point!’

‘No no no, the bath is clean. You have to have a shower first!’

At this point she started to undress in front of me and for a moment I stood there next to the bath, silently weighing up my options.

…with the smallest of sighs I reached for the portable shower head and began to wash myself down. Despite the absurdity of her logic, standing there naked infront of me was a pretty convincing argument.

The park itself is quite large with a lot of attractions to see, mostly in the form of animal and plant exhibits. Fortunately (or unfortunately) the park is aimed at kids, so Green World doesn’t really pass as a zoo but there are enough animals on site to keep you interested for a few hours.

On a recent trip to Green World, here’s what I found.

Walking through the front gate I was pleasantly surprised to run into our Australian friend the emu.

Proudly displayed at the front of the park it was a bit of a national pride kick for me, they even had the Australian coat of arms out.

Before we got to far into the park, the next major item on our itenary was the parrots.

I’m not too familiar with the different parrot breeds out there but from what I gathered most were from Africa or South America (?). In any case there was a whole bunch of parrots in different colors and the show they put on was quite amusing to watch.

I’ve never seen a parrot ride a bicycle, skateboard or use rollerskates before so I got my moneys worth.


I was a bit worried about the animal welfare side of things but to their credit the parrots at Green World looked healthy and happy. They appeared to well trained and there didn’t look to be any forcing of them going on.

Next up was a giant enclosure for tropical type creatures. As you walked in you went past some giant python type snakes.

I’m not really a fan of the creepy crawlies (yes snakes are creepy crawlies to me), so even walking past was a bit of an effort.

Inside the enclosure you had all sorts of animals running about, predominantly the monkeys who were given free roam along the open treetops of the enclosure.

My favourites in this enclosure were probably these turtles, who looked like something straight out of the World of Warcraft;

and the flamingos;

I’d never actually seen flamingos up close in real life so it was quite interesting to observe them. They look every bit as cartoon like as they are portrayed!

Some of the exhibits at Green World were a little strange, take for example this place;

I know succulent and cactus go together but as it’s written all I could think about was the fact I’d never seen a tasty looking park.

Most of the other plant and animal exhibits weren’t all that interesting to me but I can see the appeal to kids. In Taiwan it’s not like there’s copious amounts of wildlife to see so the novelty of seeing animals up close would be quite appealing.

Some other random things of interest were these giant fish;

No idea on what species they were but they were freaking huge. Unfortunately the tank they were in seemed a bit small though… hopefully the filtration was up to scratch.

The last thing I saw as we left Green World was a little bit of geographical trivia. On display just before you exit the park is a neat little signpost showing the supposed distance between Green World and some of the world’s major cities.

Of particular note was the inclusion of Sydney.

No idea how accurate it was but 7,441 km sounds about right and is enough to kick in the homesickness for a while.

Green World is a park definitely aimed at kids but it is interesting enough for adults to breeze through, just don’t expect to spend an entire day there.

It’s probably not worth travelling down from Taipei to see but definitely worth a pop in if you’re travelling through the area.

Like everywhere else though, there’s also those that appear to not give a crap about the welfare of those dependent on them.

In Taiwan the major difference to me seems to be the complete blatantness of it all.

Yesterday I shared with you an alternative approach to taking your dog with you whilst you cycle. Sure it’s not exactly the securest or safest way to cycle with your dog but it was nothing compared to the total discard of animal welfare this had;

What you’re looking at there are some idiots riding a tandem bicycle on a hugely busy bicycle path with their dog running tethered to a leash!

I followed this couple for a short time and observed so many near disasters it wasn’t funny.

Like I said most people I’ve encountered in Taiwan are positvely passionate about their pets, this couple on the otherhand couldn’t care less. How could you not be aware of the huge danger you’re not only putting your pet in but other riders as well!

If you’re going to carry your dog with you on a bicycle please do it properly with a dog trailer, chair or basket if your dog is small enough. Tethering your dog on a leash like that in the middle of a busy bicycle path is madness and should not be attempted by anyone.

Even if it’s a giant Golden Retriever or Labrador. Just make sure you stick your foot out so the dog can rest it’s tail on it and avoid contact with the road (yes I’ve seen people doing this).

If your dog is small enough, it’s also perfectly normal for your girlfriend or wife to hold it whilst balancing on the back of your scooter. Also, in the case of you owning an extremely talented dog you can also get them to perch up on the backseat and balance precariously for the duration of your trip; but I’ve only seen one such dog pull off this feat.

God knows how many years of practice that took.

When it comes to bicycles thankfully most people are restricted in carrying their pets around. Most dogs are too restless to be content riding in a pannier bag and for the most part people are restricted to dog baskets (I haven’t seen a dog trailer out here yet).

Of course as with carrying dogs on scooters, bicycle riders also have a cross section of hardcore pet owners who refuse to follow convention.

I ran into this dog (who looks happy enough) and his owner on a bicycle trail a few months back.

What you’re looking at their is a dog sitting on presumably a child’s seat in the middle of a two seater tandem bicycle. The dog does have a harness on but it’s for a leash and has nothing to do with the dog’s safety.

Despite looking awkward the dog happily perched up there sitting like that whilst the owners puttered along.

I’ve got no idea what the tolerance level for a dog is riding along on a bicycle like that or what effect it has on the handling but kudos to the owners for being persistent.

Personally, I’d just leave the dog at home…

Unfortunately importing my mini to Taiwan is off the cards due to Taiwan’s regulations on not allowing car imports on cars older then ten years (my car turned 50 this year!).

ThusiIn an effort to stave off the homesickness pangs that rise every time I see a mini here in Taiwan I’ve decided to catalogue the minis I run across in my travels.

Most of the minis here in Taiwan appear to be Japanese Rover imports. Here’s a lovely maintained red example I found on a bicycle ride through Hsinchu Science Park;

For now I’m happy with my scooter but I can see I’m going to have to buy myself another mini sooner or later.

Accompanying these two trucks is an all to familiar ice cream tune they blast out of onboard speaker systems. A sound that, if you stay in Taiwan for more then a month, becomes forever associated with garbage collection.

So important is this garbage collection that it really doesn’t matter what you’re doing. You could be reading a book, watching a movie, in the shower or whatever, it really doesn’t matter. When the garbage truck melody pierces through your windows you stop what you’re doing and weigh up whether or not you need to take out the trash.

‘Oh that feels so good… keep going, harder… harder… HAR-…’

‘…’

‘…HEY. Why did you stop?!?!’

‘Ssh! The music… I’m trying to think whether I took the trash out last time or not.’

‘that’s what you think about during sex?!?’

‘…it’s the music. I…I can’t help it.’

‘we’re done here, don’t call me.’

For all the rabid garbage collection diligence the inhabitants of Taiwan foster though, there still exists somewhat of a dilemma with respect to recycling.

Sure, recycling facilities are available and abundant in Taiwan but instead of solving any waste problems, recycling here feels more like applying a bandaid to a gushing axe wound.

If you’ve ever walked into an Asian grocery store in the west and been appalled at the amount of packaging everything has, the bad news is that this isn’t some sort of food export policy. Here in Asia the packaging waste is infinitely worse.

Virtually everything comes with copious amounts of plastic packaging. Lollies come individually packaged, packed in an even larger bag. Two minute noodles bowls are made out of foam and contain 3-4 plastic sachets each.

Night markets are huge offenders with nearly every foodstuff that you buy being served up in a plastic bag. Some cafes are no better either, serving food on plates covered with a plastic bag; the idea being that it’s cheaper to just throw out the plastic bag rather than hiring someone to wash dishes.

Coming from a culture on the verge of outlawing plastic bag use altogether, it really is a shock to the system experiencing Taiwan’s blatant addiction to the things. Every shop, from the milk tea stalls to the supermarkets, to the little eateries that exist everywhere are all to willing to place your tiny consumable into a plastic bag and hand it to you before you’ve even had a chance to protest.

As far as drinks and food goes the culture seems to have something to do with everyone being on the run all the time. Drinks and food are pegged up on scooter hooks to be eaten later as people fly about their daily business.

Day to day I decide to start saving my plastic bags at work and after a few months of saving my 5 day a week lunch bags, along with some dinner bags this is what my drawer looked like.

That’s the bottom draw that’s about 40cm deep and about 60cm long absolutely stuffed full of plastic bags. Multiply this by twenty something million people and you really get a sense of banning plastic bags back home being nothing more then a token gesture.

If you really want to avoid a sense of environmental hopelessness, try not to think about how much plastic Taiwan’s neighbour China uses daily. I’m sure the rampant plastic bag culture is no different there.

Another area of waste is chopsticks. Knives and forks for the most part don’t exist here and given that it’s cheaper to eat out than to cook at home, 99.9% of the time you’re eating at a place that’ll hand you over disposable wooden chopsticks.

Where the wood for these chopsticks comes from I have no idea. At three meals a day that’s 6 chopsticks alone for me personally, let alone the millions of other people that use a few pairs a day and then have no other option but to throw them out.

Again, try not to think of China’s billion plus population burning through god knows how many millions or even billions of disposable wooden chopsticks daily.

Somewhere out there are forests must be getting ripped apart in the name of culinary convenience.

As I said earlier while the recycling facilities do exist, one would think it’d be more productive to curb the extraordinarily high levels of waste per capita that are produced here. From packaging to dining habits to general day to day consumables.

Yet the Taiwanese on the whole appear to be largely indifferent to it.

The other day my boss walked in with a wooden box. Inside was her lunch.

‘You’re kidding… they’re serving lunch in freaking wooden boxes now?’

‘Yah.’

‘What do you do when you’re finished, take it back?’

‘No. Just throw out.’

‘Wait you throw out a wooden box? There’s a cafe out there serving food in wooden boxes that people just throw away?!’

‘Yah. Is normal in Taiwan.’

I try not to act all culturally superior here but sometimes it’s really hard.

It’s not all doom and gloom though. Scattered across the island are copious amounts of solar powered road lights offsetting the drain on Taiwan’s electricity grid. A brilliant public transport system also helps to reduce energy consumption by the nation.

One scheme in particular that I was very pleased to see was the adoption of wind power. Scattered along the coast are giant wind turbines, presumably used to help with the local power grids. To give you an idea of just how massive these things are, yes those are full sized street lights in the photo.

They’re quite large and impressive to stand near, you really get a sense of the power needed to turn the blades as they whoosh past. One thing I’m appreciative of is the acceptance of functionality over aesthetic. Good luck trying to get these things erected back home.

‘Oh but they ruin our coastline views!’

There’s also the brilliant use of rooftop space to store hot water tanks so as to make the most out of the suns heat to keep water warm.

For the most part I guess I should be happy that it isn’t a lot worse in Taiwan. Evidently steps are being made to try and integrate with the environment as evidenced with solar and wind power facilities.

Still, as a whole I think there’s a hell of a long way to go before actual residents start to give a damn about the environmental impact they and the products they use are having. Until that’s addressed and consumer demand shifts from acceptance to more environmentally friendly options, I think nothing much is going to change.

Meanwhile I’ll continue to feel like I’m putting in the tokenest of efforts as I run down the stairs to drop my one bag of recycling off each week.

Despite a general understanding of English I could probably walk down a street and ask ten random Taiwanese people if they’d seen my douchebag and not get a reaction. To fault their kindness I could probably get a few of them to even help me look for it.

But I’m not that cruel.

The other week I was walking through a supermarket looking for some shampoo when I spotted Gel Douche. Sitting there on the shelf in plain view like it was an everyday item.

If anything’s going to bring out your inner ten year old, it’s Gel Douche in a supermarket and it took everything I had to not spurt my tea out in laughter. Worst still when I pulled out my N95 to take a photo my boss came up and asked what I was doing.

Standing there camera in hand trying to take a photo of Gel Douche I looked into her eyes and hoped her English wasn’t as good as I thought it was.

‘uh…I’ve been looking for this everywhere. So glad I finally found it…’

I’d hoped that was the end of it but then she picked up a bottle of the shelf for examination. As I stood there silently praying the question wouldn’t be asked, deep down I already knew what was coming;

‘hmm, what…is… do-…. dou-che? Douche? How do you say douche?’

Now I’m not much of an actor, but I’d like to think I put in an award winning performance that afternoon.

Meanwhile I’m not sure what disturbs me more, my boss going overseas at some point and walking into a store naively asking for gel douche, that it came in three varieties or the fact that it was on sale for just over a dollar.

So proud was I of the fact that I’d managed to delegate the car to just ‘going out at night’ trips on the weekend or getting around with a girlfriend, that I decided to bring my bicycle with me to Taiwan.

The aim of course being to replicate my self reliance and lack of dependency on petrol to get around.

For the first few months of living in Taiwan this idea worked well. I cycled around everywhere and had little reliance on public transport or having to buy petrol.

Fast forward a few months later and I’ve delegated the Trucker to the sole purpose of fitness runs during the week and bought myself a scooter. Not only that but I’ve come to the conclusion that bicycle commuting in Taiwan by and large just doesn’t work.

Here’s why.

1. The heat

Whilst most of the world is under the illusion that Australian’s are used to living in the middle of the desert, the reality is those of us down south are most accustomed to cooler weather.

That’s not to say of course that some of us Melbournians don’t like the warmer weather. I myself love it and living in a warmer climate was one of the main things I was looking forward to when moving to Taiwan.

This past week alone the weather has topped 30 degrees daily and overnight hasn’t dropped below 25. It’s been this way for what feels like months now.

Don’t get me wrong, I still love the weather and sunny lifestyle it brings but for bicycle commuting it’s entirely way too hot. There’s nothing less motivating then stepping outside your apartment to jump on the bicycle to go somewhere in 30 degree heat.

Not to mention the sweat accumulated by attempting to cycle in day to day clothes as any regular commuter does. I myself don’t sweat that much but even I found it impossible to cycle from A to B without working up a ridiculous sweat. Even travelling painfully slow at around 15km/h didn’t help!

2. Unsafe roads

Back in the day the bicycle ruled supreme in Taiwan, but those days are long over. These days it’s the scooter who’s king of the road in the cities and trucks who rule everywhere else.

The bicycle has well and truly been delegated to weekend fitness toy in Taiwan and as such has absolutely no road presence whatsoever.

For me this wasn’t so much a big deal but I can see it being a massive turn off for those without road confidence. Years of driving my mini and commuting by bicycle in Melbourne mean there’s not too much I’m worried about when out on the road. I’m comfortable tackling trucks on the highways and flowing with massively congested urban city traffic.

For someone not accustomed to this though you’re probably going to want to forget bicycle commuting altogether. Bicycle lanes don’t exist here and for the most part you’re sharing with scooters who’ll rip past you from all directions. Other times you’re simply sharing wide lanes with whoever else decides to use the lane… and to them you don’t exist.

I love the chaos of Taiwan’s roads but you really don’t appreciate the order we have back home on Australian roads until you’ve experienced something completely different firsthand.

With the abundance of scooters everywhere on the island and their use seen as economic progression, I don’t think the Taiwanese government is going to start building bike lanes for commuters anytime soon.

3. Rain and humidity

Along with the hot days comes soaking humidity and the all to frequent rain. Tolerable on a scooter due to the lack of movement needed to ride one, riding through torrential tropical rain and humidity fast deters you from relying too heavily on your bicycle to get around.

Also there’s none of the 10 minute Melbourne rain either, when it rains in Taiwan it rains hard and can go on for a few days.

I’ve made a few trips holding an umbrella just to test out how effective it is. Whilst I stayed dry the combination of having to change arms due to numbness and only having one hand on the bars trying to navigate Taiwan’s traffic is enough for me not to recommend it.

4. Complete lack of parking areas

One thing that’s sorely missing in Taiwan are street poles to lock your bicycle to. Outside of Taipei City bicycle parking facilities are virtually non existant. Meanwhile the bicycle parking facilities in Taipei usually consist of open parking spaces where you’re more of then then not just locking your bicycle to itself.

This of course means you’re going to constantly be worried about your bicycle being stolen if you ride anything more upmarket then a discarded shopping trolley around.

Not much point having a big beefy U-lock if someone can just walk off with your bike hey.

5. No shower facilities

This is more of a work commuting problem where more often then not it’s quite feasible to slap on some bicycle clothing, cycle to work and then have a quick shower and change.

Not so in Taiwan.

For the Taiwanese by and large the time to shower is in the evening, thus the need for shower facilities at work is practically non existent.

Coupled with the heat, humidity and more often then not rain… getting to work sweat or water soaked and having to change without a shower is massively prohibitive.

I couldn’t think of anything worse then changing straight into my clean shirt and slacks after a sweaty cycle commute into work.

6. The cheapness of petrol

Petrol in Taiwan is like stepping back into the 80′s in Australia. Remember when petrol was consistently less then $1 a litre?

Welcome to modern day Taiwan.

My scooter has a 5L tank and currently I’m getting about 1.5-2 weeks out of it using it fulltime to get around. This equates to roughly $5 AUD every 10-14 days or so. Unbelievably cheap and unbelievable hard to justify cycling around in sweat everywhere you want to go.

There’s a reason the scooter reigns supreme in Taiwan, it’s just so damn convenient – even a once proud bicycle commuter such as myself can admit it.

7. You can’t carry a girl around on a bicycle

This for me was something I learnt very quickly. If you want to get around fast in Taiwan with a girl you need to have a scooter. No ifs and buts.

Back home I relied on the mini for this task but owning a car in Taiwan seems kind of pointless when zipping around on a scooter is so much faster and convenient.

There’s something about having a pair of long silky smooth bare legs sitting up close behind you as you ride around on a scooter… something that sadly can’t be achieved on a bicycle.

All in all I was initially disappointed that I couldn’t replicate my bicycle commuter lifestyle back home here in Taiwan but I’ve since learnt to live with it. I still get out there a few times a week for fitness but by and large the bicycle is useless for getting around on a fulltime basis.

It’s a shame really as this is the exact task my Long Haul Trucker has been purposefully customised towards over the years. Ah well, I guess there’s always touring…

Knowing that half of Asia is lactose intolerant I wasn’t exactly sure what I’d find here and for my first few months I ran around in despair as nobody in Taiwan seemed to stock Milo.

After trying numerous random supermarkets, Carrefour, A-Mart, Ryan’s supermarkets, Wellcome and Costco I finally had a breakthrough one afternoon when I ventured into an A-Mart store.

Ladies and gentlemen, behold Milo in Taiwan!

Price wise it was nothing special coming in at $119 TWD ($4 AUD) for 500g. Infact from memory it seems to be about on par with what Milo costs back in Australia, needless to say I was kind of disappointed. Guess it could have been worse, at least it wasn’t double or triple the price.

Walking into a supermarket the other day and seeing bog standard beef for $30 AUD a kilogram was a bit of a shock to the system.

Luckily A-Marts are dotted all over the island of Taiwan so finding one shouldn’t be a problem if you’re living here or even just visiting.

Additionally, Nestle in Taiwan seem to be going out of their way to highlight the fact that Milo here has something called ‘Actigen-E’ in it. I’d never seen this red circle advertising Actigen-E back home so I had no idea what it was.

Turns out it’s more then likely already in the Australian Milo formula as this Zoot review mentions Actigen-E in their marketing spiel for Australian Milo;

And now MILO is better than ever. It has been fortified with ACTIGEN-E, a unique combination of “energy-releasing” micronutrients, that help promote the optimal release of energy from food containing proteins, fats and carbohydrates.

The energy-releasing mixture contains essential nutrients such as water soluble B-vitamins, vitamin C, Iron and minerals.

All that’s very well but I hope it doesn’t change the taste, texture or the nice layer of crunchy Milo you get on top of your milk in any way. Buggered if I drink Milo for it’s nutrient properties…

Unfortunately cheap milk still proves to be the elusive missing key to my daily morning Milo equation. Well, that and the fact that I don’t have any glasses nor a kitchen to wash them in here even if I bought some.

Milk isn’t too bad but with me going through nearly a litre a day (probably more in Taiwan’s summer heat) spending $2+ a litre or so would add up very quickly.

First things first though, I need to find myself a kitchen sink…

It was Chinese New Year and I found myself staying at my boss’ family home. One morning we were up early to visit the local temple when I was handed a juice box (or prima if you’re from Australia) of milk tea.

After reading the brand Assam, which I’d never heard of before, I realised something was bugging me and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. After further intense concentration and staring at the Assam packaging design however, I finally realised just what it was my subconscious had picked up on.

I wasn’t just holding any milk tea, I was holding ass milk tea.

Yes I was kinda bored at the time but I mean really… surely somebody at Assam saw that coming when they decided to print Assam next to milk tea on their packaging.

If only they’d thought to hire me as an English consultant. 20 seconds alone with a box of their tea and I could’ve saved Assam from years of taunting and embarrassment.

By no means a quantitative addict instead I get horribly attached to shows I really like and watch them religiously. I miss them when they’re on break and I count down the days before I can watch them again.

Since moving to Taiwan I’ve had to make some minor adjustments in my television viewing habits. What with everything on cable television here being subtitled and shown completely at random, I’ve found myself relying on the internet more then ever.

From time to time though I do still find myself aimlessly drifting through the one hundred or so cable television channels available from practically any television in Taiwan. Coupled with your staple movies and American tv shows is a strange assortment of Asian oriented programming that is unique to say the least.

On a recent afternoon it was this endless curiosity with Asian television that proved to be my downfall.

I’d just checked into a random hotel and had plonked my belongings on the bed. Tired from the long trip in I contemplated having a nap but decided it against it. I only had an hour till my date.

Not willing to risk sleep and not really knowing the area I was staying in I decided to call up my date and see if we might kick things off earlier. Pulling my phone out of my bag I punched in her number and waited.

No answer.

Shrugging it off I decided to plonk myself infront of the television and hope she was just in the shower or something.

Normally I’d settle for watching HBO, Star Movies, Hollywood, National Geographic, Discovery Channel or one of the other few channels broadcast in English. From time to time however none of these channels have anything of interest on. It’s then that I resort to mindless channel surfing the non english channels in the hope I find something interesting.

This was one of those times.

The upper end of the channel spectrum is usually filled with garbage shopping and finance channels so I usually start my odyssey at the lower end.

The first few channels are usually the local CTV networks followed by the news and then a few American sports feeds. With nothing grabbing me I continued on, ready to speed flick through the cartoon channels in the hope that something worthwhile had popped up on the English channels that followed.

To my surprise however as I flicked over to channel 15 I was met with an unfamiliar sight,

…as channel 15 came into focus my brain took a few seconds to process what I was looking at. As the sense of shock wore off, the gravity of what I was watching hit me.

Hardcore Asian pornography.

Now the visuals in themselves weren’t all that bad but I’m the kind of guy that likes to watch television with the volume quite loud. My penchant for totally immersing myself in whatever I’m watching has landed me in trouble with the neighbours on more then a few occasions.

With that, the realisation of where I was kicked in and I scrambled for the off button. I sat there for a few seconds on the bed wondering if anyone outside had heard. Being in a new hotel I was more then a little self conscious of giving off the impression that I’d checked in during the early hours of the afternoon to settle in for a marathon porn session.

As I sat there and pondered whether or not is was worth checking out, my phone rang. My date was ready.

Leaving my keys at the front desk, ready to bolt at any sign of a smirk I was relieved that my channel surfing adventures appeared to have gone unnoticed. In the clear I set out ready to enjoy a sunny afternoon.

The date went well, we had a late lunch and spent a lot of time chatting as we walked around enjoying the sights. The date went so good infact that after dinner we wound up back at my hotel room.

We’d brought back some food to eat and after finishing that wound up talking on the bed. I knew where things were heading and decided to enjoy the company for a while before we got down to business.

I’m not exactly sure how it happened but at some point during our conversation she instinctively reached for the television remote and flicked on the tv, presumably for some background noise.

Of course being the product of modern technological excellence the television had stored the last channel I’d watched in it’s memory, along with the volume level I’d watched it at.

I sat there in absolute horror wishing I’d thought to change the channel before turning the television off before. The minutes seem to drag into hours and I waited for her to turn it off or at the very least change the channel. But almost as if she was punishing me she kept the TV on.

Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore and I reached over for the remote grabbing it from her hands. As the porn noises finally subsided from the room she turned and looked me in the eye. I looked back but I already knew no explanation was going to be good enough.

She told me it was probably best if she left. I haven’t turned on a hotel television since and I never saw her again.

Western born retards running around with all manner of colors, gravity defying spikes and ridiculous slanted fringes pretending their hair was a throwback to their Asian cultural heritage never made sense to me. I mean it’s not like western teenagers run around with teletubby haircuts or whatever.

When I came to Taiwan part of me was curious as to whether or not the crazy hairstyle culture was homegrown or whether it was simply a product of Asians and a cultural identity crisis.

Thankfully crazy anime hairstyles appeared to be kept at a minimum in Asia itself, well at least in Taiwan anyway. This appearance continued for a few months after I first arrived. Everywhere I looked guys sported boring parted haircuts and occasionally I’d see a young guy with borderline emo ‘I’d love to know what exactly what the hell you told your hairdresser to get them to do that‘ look. And then of course there were the random androgynous guys running around too.

Still, nothing as a bad as some of the crap I’d seen back home. Well, that is until I ran into this guy.

What you’re looking at there ladies and gentlemen is not a wig and the guy isn’t sporting hair extensions either. It’s a bonafide dyed tips and all anime haircut making him look like something out of Dragonball Z.

Worst of all I’d put his age at somewhere in his twenties.

Up until the point I saw this guy I’d had a good run. Sadly this random Taiwanese guy not only made the haircuts I’d seen back home obsolete… but he set the bar for stupid haircut so ridiculously high that I fear nobody anywhere at any time in the future will ever be able to top it.

Seriously I don’t even want to know how many hours it takes to do that to your hair every freaking morning.

Thankfully for most Taiwanese guys the necessity of riding scooters around and having to wear a helmet means stupid crazy hair is kept to a minimum. No point dolling yourself up if you’re going to arrive with flattened hair anyway.

Since buying my scooter I myself have had to resort to a near crew cut out of functional practicality.

Unfortunately the same applies to girls and while there are some sexy haircuts out there, most girls go opt for keeping their hair naturally dead straight and scooter helmet friendly.

Not that there’s anything wrong with dead straight Asian hair on girls, just that sometimes some variety would be nice.

Anyway, getting back to Asian guys hair… I’m hoping this is the worst I see but it’s still early days yet. Here’s to you Mr. random Taiwanese guy – As judged by myself, for now you’ve officially got the worst guys haircut in Taiwan.

Located in central Taiwan, Hsinchu county the restaurant serves Chinese food but in an authentically inspired Japanese setting.

As you walk in the front arch the atmosphere instantly takes you away and it’s easy to forget you’re in the middle of a city.

Instead of your traditional ‘everyone sits under one roof’ model, the folks at Golden Mountain (no I’m not typing out their ridiculously long name every time), have employed a booth style setting.

Each table is housed in it’s own booth and you have the privacy of Japanese looking sliding doors to eat your meal. Great in a big group but definitely not somewhere you’d want to go on your own.

Food wise Golden Mountain is pretty decent and the servings are quite large.

From top to bottom, we had some type of chicken, some tofu type stuff with duck, random vegetables and a platter of jellyfish and some other weird stuff.

The platter scared me and apart from the jellyfish nobody could really tell me what the other stuff was… either way I didn’t go near it.

Brought out after I took the photo was also some more chicken dishes and a massive pot of beef curry. By the end of the night the table was covered in pots of food.

Dessert was a little on the strange side;

Sprinkles I can understand but I can’t say I’ve ever had cornflakes with my ice cream before. It wasn’t bad… just different. Maybe it’s just my boring pallete but I’d rather have had some chocolate sauce…

In the centre of Golden Mountain is a massive koi pond. This pond goes under the actual sitting areas to give the illusion that you’re dining out on a lake.

Architecturally it was quite impressive for the middle of a city.

The pond had a good selection of koi and once again made me homesick for my goldfish tank.

I’m not exactly sure what the price was for our feast but I’m assuming it wasn’t cheap. Golden Mountain makes for a nice change from your standard beef noodle cafes and is definitely a place to go eat for special occasions.

There’s no English at Golden Mountain though so make sure you bring someone who speaks Chinese.

In my latest channel surfing adventure I happened across what appears to be the Asian wrestling equivalent of what we know as wrestling.

Forget flashy intros, cunningly witty dialogue, themed characters and Emmy award winning plotlines, when it comes to Asian wrestling you’re pretty much looking at two women fighting it out in what appears to be someone’s basement.

You’ll have to excuse my voice in this one, I was on the tail end of a nasty headcold (did my best to not cough during recording).


I mentioned it in the video but what surprised me the most was the lack of enthusiasm by the audience. From the few western (WWF, WCW et al.) wrestling matches I’ve seen on tv here the audience is usually made up of teenagers and young twenty somethings. Like or hate wrestling it’s hard to argue that they don’t get involved and make up a decent atmosphere during the match.

With Asian wrestling the audience appears to be made up primarily of business men in suits who… well I’m not sure if they’re getting off on watching them women or what exactly they’re getting out of it.

Their eyes are glued to the ring but nobody seems terribly excited. Maybe they’re all heavy gamblers and there’s a lot of money riding on these games so there’s little time to express any kind of involvement who knows.

Meanwhile I’m kinda worrying about the health of those women. Some of those blows looked suspiciously real… and the hair pulling… ouch!