Never use football and fashion in the same sentence
Riding on the coattails of the Emmy’s yesterday morning, last night Melbourne’s Crown Casino played host to the annual AFL Brownlow medal award night.
I don’t know why but everytime there’s an award night the media try to make out like Australian ‘celebrities’ have some sort of glamorous fashion sense. As the Logies and all the other annual awards nights in Australia consistently show, the truth couldn’t be further removed.
I mean cmon, Crown doesn’t even have a red carpet – IT’S BLUE!
I’m not going to pretend like I’m some fashion guru or authority but I do know what makes me cringe. Last night’s Brownlow award was a perfect example of why Australia should keep our awards nights to ourselves.
The guys
Although Tom Harley on the right is rocking his suit, the other three clearly have that uncomfortable schoolboy look in their eyes. I imagine Joel Selwood, Stephen Johnson and Andre Mackie would be much more comfortable running around in fluoro coloured polo shirts posing at a bar.
Having poor fashion designer Godwin Hili do up your tie isn’t really helping either guys.
The girls
Chantelle Raleigh on the right here is a perfect example of why you should roadtest your dress before leaving the house (or preferably in the store before you buy it).
Functionality issues aside I do like the dress though provided you have the legs to pull it off which clearly Raleigh does. I guess if someone is going to have a potential wardrobe malfunction then it’s probably a good thing it’s her.
Meanwhile I can’t decide whether Hamish McIntosh is helplessly looking on or simply making the most of the moment.
Oh dear. Whoever told Brynne Gordon this was a good look needs hand in their fashion license immediately.
Seriously nobody thought to tell Gordon that looking like a Las Vegas Stripper dressed for the winter wasn’t a good idea?
Sure plastic sculpted breasts deserve their moment in the spotlight as much as any other breasts but there’s a time and a place.
…oh my god IT’S A SEQUIN BIKINI!
I’m going to hope that Gordon had someone tell her what to wear and that this wasn’t an organic creation. Even if it was, I hope she seriously considers hiring someone and then firing them just so she can claim it wasn’t her idea. That’s a career ender costume right there.
You know those curtains your parents used to hang over their windows? You might want to call them up just to check they’re still there, it seems Tania Hird has raided some poor pensioners lounge room.
The shape of the dress is nice and Tania’s body definitely does it justice, but why she chose a Franco Cozzo print I’ll never know.
Rolling it back further into the 80′s comes Justine Viney.
When you call your parents to check if their curtains are still there get them to have a look at the couch too, they might just find that Justine’s stolen their cover.
Hopefully whichever opshop Justine dug that dress out of does returns.
I don’t know if there was a gale force wind behind Donna Johnson but she seems pretty confident there rocking the power stance, all she needs is an air guitar.
Note to women everywhere: If you’re being photographed in a dress keep those legs closed!
As for the dress, it left me wanting a big tub of chocolate icecream…
I’ve been told the biggest fear of wearing a dress out is walking back into the room after a toilet break with some paper on your tail.
Sarah Williamson seems to have perfectly captured this feeling and encapsulated it into a dress. Now you too can spend the night with a mobile shit stain following you around.
Honestly which designer thought it’d be a good idea to create a ‘I just walked through a puddle of sewerage and ruined my dress’ look?
The stain even travels up the dress giving it that really soaked in look.
(from left to right)
Catherine Chappell: Again with the shiny? Jesus I know we’re in the middle of a financial crisis but do we really need to remake household furnishings into clothing?
Hayley MacCann: The studs on this dress make it look like a breastplate armour piece, very Xena Warrior Princess. Also, if you pay attention you’ll note the studs create arrows that all point to Hayley’s vagina (uh… not that I was paying attention or anything).
Tania Buckely: Unless you’re auditioning for a Peter Pan movie – NO!
(again, from left to right)
Rebecca Twigley: I know I know, plastic fantastic and all but credit given where credit is due. That’s a nice blended dress and she’s definitely got the figure to pull it off.
Lauren Tscharke: Lauren’s dress I think was the most ‘elegant’ out of all the ladies. It’s simple, has a rich colour and flows nicely.
Emily Marshall: Love the dark colour contrast. After the horrendousness of Gordon it was nice to see a darker tone dress done properly. Love heart attachment thing is slightly cheesy but I guess it adds to the cuteness.
How about next year we just let the guys run around in tshirts and boardies and fly in some professionals to pick out wardrobes for the women?
It’s not like it could be any worse.
You can see the full Brownlow Gallery over at news.com.au.
September 23rd, 2009 at 7:14 am Mezza(Quote)
I always thought Geoffrey Edelston was punching above his weight with Brynne Gordon…I think that the Brownlows proves that maybe he’s not.
September 23rd, 2009 at 8:18 am Citizen-D(Quote)
As the saying/quote goes – “all fur coat, and no knickers.” It’s a shame the night is now more about the ridiculous fashions and drunken revelry that our poor excuse for media slather everywhere than it is about who won and who polled well for the season.
I assumed the carpet was blue because the medal itself is blue – sort of a tie in thing.
September 23rd, 2009 at 9:25 am ozsoapbox(Quote)
Beyond knowing he’s the old guy in the photos I don’t really know who he is. I assume he’s got lots of money and has something to do with football?
Either way I think there’s a bit of golddigging going on there, she’s built like a Russian tank and he looks quite frail. Definately above his weight in the looks department but probably not in the brains.
In her defense though, looking at some of the other ‘couples’ she’s not the only one going out with a lifestyle rather then a person.
Would they recarpet the room it’s in though just for the event? Crown has a blue/white logo so I just figured it’s the normal decor.
I do vaguely remember the normal casino area havin a multicoloured horrible carpet pattern – maybe the blue is designated for the more ‘important’ areas.
September 23rd, 2009 at 1:40 pm Mezza(Quote)
Remember the Dr Edelston who got deregistered many moons ago, with the pink cars ,pink helicopter and baby grand in his waiting rooms?? Also spent a year in jail for hiring Chris Flannery to assault a former patient.Bought the Sydney Swans for his then wife…I think this was all in the late 80′s etc.. Still deregistered from the Medical Board, but apparently “runs” medical centres. All class!!
September 23rd, 2009 at 2:48 pm ozsoapbox(Quote)
I vaguely remember the pink stuff. There’s an interesting wikipedia article on the guy which refreshed my memory.
Kind of makes you wonder if his 24 hr super clinics were succesful why nobody else carried it on. Hiring dodgies to do laser surgery and hiring hitmen aside it seems that at least his medical practice model was a success.
Sounds better then the drab clinics I’ve gone too on the odd visit.
It also says Gordon is 25… WHAT? I thought she was forty something!
September 23rd, 2009 at 5:14 pm Mezza(Quote)
I know she did look a tad over that..
We’re just glad he moved to Melbourne!
September 26th, 2009 at 8:39 pm Elle(Quote)
Just a suggestion, how about you write an entry for girls on “What and what not to wear: what guys think of your latest fashion trend”.
September 26th, 2009 at 11:11 pm ozsoapbox(Quote)
But then I’d have to go and do research into women’s clothing and keep up to date with what the trends are in female fashion.
I’m all for suffering for your art and everything (stone massage therapy was borderline) but that’s a little bit on the too gay side for me.
Then there’s the problem of how to go about “research”.
‘excuse me sir.’
‘oh Hi. I was just looking at womens’ dres-uh… I mean hey so uh what’s with-no don’t call security honest I was just doing research. No wait that came out wrong ARGHHH STOP HITTING ME DAMN YOU INTERNET PEOPLE!’
September 27th, 2009 at 2:21 pm Elle(Quote)
I mean Cosmopolitan’s always publishing things like “What guys honestly think about your clothes. Read here!” and they’ve a bunch of guys on the judging panel dishing out advises, which I never read, because the dudes always end up wrinkling their nose at some skinny chick and call her anorexic. All PC-ness.
And I am seriously offended with that sorta statement, because I’m a natural size 6.
September 27th, 2009 at 3:24 pm ozsoapbox(Quote)
Yeah but are they actually guys or just women pretending to be guys?
Kind of like how in guys magazines there’s always ‘WOMEN TELL US THEIR FANTASIES, OMG THIS WILL BLOW YOUR MIND!’ and it’s just guys writing stuff they know other guys want to hear.
Not that I have tons of experience but by and large the guys that actually do work in the fashion industry tend to be hugely effeminate and are more worried about which designers shoes they might be treading on then giving an honest opinion.
I actually wouldn’t mind a gig like that, judging clothing… you don’t have to be Kyle Sandilands ‘YOU’RE AS FAT AS A BARN!’ harsh but if something is crap it’s not that hard to say so, and explain why.
I wouldn’t take too much offense, better to be naturally skinny then fat.
September 27th, 2009 at 6:01 pm Elle(Quote)
One of Cosmo’s resident writer’s Hamish, from Hamish and Andy:) I’m sure Hamish’s straight.
September 27th, 2009 at 6:46 pm ozsoapbox(Quote)
Yeah but you’re not going to see anything remotely honest from someone in mainstream radio with advertisers to answer to are you
?
September 28th, 2009 at 12:27 pm Elle(Quote)
Well you aren’t tied to anyone:) so you’ve lots of leway.
September 28th, 2009 at
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April 29th, 2010 at
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