5 reasons to tell people at work why you have red eyes
I woke up last Friday and after shaving noticed I had an inexplicably red eye that wasn’t red the day before.
It didn’t hurt, it wasn’t sore or itchy but there it was – bloodshot red eyeball looking like I was high out of my mind first thing in the morning at 7am.
Awesome.
As I cycled to work I began to dread the inevitable ‘HEY DO YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A RED EYE?’ ‘OMG WHAT HAPPENED?!?’ questions I was going to be answering all day.
Inbetween working (yeah it was Friday, not much gets done) I decided to write down some excuses to start giving people.
Here’s what to tell people who ask you why you have a red eye when you have absolutely no idea yourself. Deliver them deadpan serious and then continue on with what you were doing.
1. I’ve developed a heroin addiction. I’ve started injecting directly into my eyeball.
2. My wife/girlfriend said I walked into a doorknob… help me.
3. I’m trying some novelty contact lenses, they cost me $400.
4. STOP LOOKING AT MY EYE, YOU’RE MAKING IT WORSE!
5. I have aids.
I even started coming up with things to strangers who were just staring (hey lunch lady, I’m looking at you).
Whilst I’m sure there’s a biological reason people’s eyes just decide to go all red all of a sudden as far as I’m concerned I have no idea why it happened. It’s Sunday now and my eye has gone back to a normal white without any intervention on my part.
The next time you see someone with one red eye, be it at work or anywhere do them a favour – don’t ask them why they have a red eye.
Chances are they don’t know anymore then you do!
September 27th, 2009 at 9:02 pm Steve(Quote)
You could tell them you participated in some research for developing a bionic eye. They ahd to temperorarily attach an electrode to the surface of your eyeball and then shock it to see if you saw anything. They they did the same thing, but this time made a small incision in the white of the eye and stuck the electrode inside.
That’s exactly what made my eyeball look like this: http://i33.tinypic.com/1tpi50.jpg
September 27th, 2009 at 9:36 pm ozsoapbox(Quote)
omg that sounds hugely painful and that photo doesn’t help.
How long did that take to heal, were there any side effects??
September 27th, 2009 at 10:00 pm Steve(Quote)
The procedure itself wasn’t especially painful, though when they cranked up the current being pumped into the electrode, that did start to get unpleasant.
It was rather irritated later, and my eye watered and gummed itself shut a bit over the next few days.
I don’t recall how long it took to heal, but it was definitel ya few days before the discomfort went away.
September 27th, 2009 at 10:21 pm ozsoapbox(Quote)
Did you have problems with your eye before the research? Seems pretty full on. Hopefully something comes of it.
(ever since I saw Terminator 2 I’ve been hanging out for a glowing red eye myself)
September 28th, 2009 at 7:15 pm Yi(Quote)
i forgot which comedy movie it was, but there was a scene where some guy farted on the pillow belonging to another guy and when he woke up the next morning he had red eye (apparently due to the poo particle infecting the eye).
September 28th, 2009 at 7:39 pm ozsoapbox(Quote)
No offense, but what the hell kind of movies are you watching in your spare time?!