So… how bogan are you?
When I woke up this morning one of the first things I read was a ‘How Aussie are you?’ meme over at Daniel Bowen’s blog this morning. Daniel saw it somewhere else and they saw it somewhere else etc. etc. you get the idea.
Anyway, as I read through the meme I couldn’t help but wonder how half the things on the list had come to be associated with being an Aussie. There was also a bit of age exclusionism going on to. I got the feeling whoever wrote the list probably did so from a basement somewhere clutching a federation flag and wearing nothing but AC/DC undies.
I mean it wasn’t like I hadn’t done a lot of the activities on the list but it kind of more seemed like a list those idiots who have southern cross tattoos might rattle off to ‘dem darkies’ on Australia day or something.
Judge ‘How Aussie bogan are you’ for yourself.
1. Heard a kookaburra in person. — Well yes, they’re everywhere…
2. Slept under the stars. — Yes. Not terribly difficult or particularly Australian to do. Anyone who’s had a big night out anywhere has probably done this at one time or another.
3. Seen a koala. — Been to a zoo? Yep.
4. Visited Melbourne. — When was the last time anyone visited Melbourne to feel more Aussie?
5. Watched a summer thunderstorm. — Are we the only country on Earth to get summer thunderstorms or what?
6. Worn a pair of thongs. — Flipflops, thongs… half of bloody Asia wear them as a national dresscode. Guess they’re Aussie too.
7. Been to Uluru (Ayers Rock) – Turns out pissing off Aboriginals is fair dinkum Aussie.
8. Visited Cape York. – Again since when was going to places an indication of being Aussie.
9. Held a snake. – I think every kid gets to do this in primary school. Schools still go to Healesville Sanctuary and the like yes?
10. Sang along with Khe San. – I had no idea what this song was but after hitting up Youtube recognised it. Turns out Khe San is about some Vietnam vet who comes back to Australia, hates it and buggers back off to Asia.
How uh, Aussie.
11. Drank VB. — This one needs no bogan explanation.
12. Visited Sydney. — If I visit some other country’s main cities does that make me more X’ese/an?
13. Have seen a shark. — On a beach ok maybe… although I don’t think too many people who’ve seen sharks at the beach lived through it.
14. Have used Aussie (and NZ) slang naturally in a conversation. — If mate counts then yes but an awful lot of English people use it too. 99.9% of ‘Aussie’ slang makes me cringe, so no.
15. Had an actual conversation with an indigenous Australian (Aboriginal). — Does it count if it was about how much I pissed them off climbing Ayres Rock?
16. Eaten hot chips from the bag at the beach. — Chips yes, beach no. Sand and chips no thanks.
17. Walked/climbed over the Sydney Harbour Bridge. — Ok I’ll pay this one as something to do in Australia but not necessarily making one any more Aussie.
18. Used an outside dunny, and checked under the seat before sitting down. — I guess whoever wrote this list has never been to the third world. You even check the under the seat of the inside dunnys there.
19. Seen Chloe in Young & Jackson’s. — Know what Young & Jackson’s is, no idea who Chloe is. Been to a pub recently? Congratulations you’re now Aussie.
20. Slept on an overnight train or bus. — Do these even exist in Australia anymore?
21. Been to Sydney’s Mardi Gras – Again, probably something on a things to do list in Australia, but hardly an indication of being Aussie.
22. Have gone bush-bashing. — I’d like to think being Aussie would mean having some respect for the local environment. Most people that live out bush seem to get annoyed at anyone who randomly bush bashes through the bush.
23. Taken a sickie. — Being Aussie means lying?
24. Been to see a game of Aussie Rules football. — No. Attending a ball game that’s only relevant in one state is hardly an indication of being Aussie.
25. Have seen wild camels. – Because camels are Australian right.
26. Gone skinny dipping. — Cmon, this happens everywhere around the world.
27. Done a Tim Tam Slam. — I’ll pay this one. Haven’t done it myself because I think it’s a waste of a Tim Tam!
28. Ridden in a tram in Melbourne. — Uh, don’t think anyone’s ever thought how Aussie they are for riding a tram.
29. Been at an ANZAC day Dawn Service. — I’ll pay this one. The Dawn service is the nice part of Anzac day, before it’s over run with the Australian flag wearing yobbos.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset. — The next question is going to be ‘breathed any air’ isn’t it.
31. Held a wombat. – I’ve seen wombats dead on the side of the road. Some of them looked big enough to hold me, so no.
32. Been on a roadtrip of 800km or more. — Not sure if this is Aussie or not. Here in Taiwan people go wide eyed when I tell them I cycle more then 50km in single trip. Perhaps that’s a result of me being conditioned by long trips back home.
33. Seen the Great Australian Bight in person. – Ok enough with the ‘have you been here’ type questions already.
34. Had a really bad sunburn. – When did this turn into a ‘how white are you’ meme?
35. Visited an Aboriginal community. – No thanks. Aboriginal communities these days are mostly hell holes and have nothing to do with being Aussie.
36. Seen a redback spider. — I have a squash first, look later policy on spiders… so maybe, maybe not.
37. Have watched Paul Hogan. — *cringe*.
38. Seen Blue Poles in person. — No idea what these are. Maybe it’s some obscure reference to hanging around men’s showers in winter…
39. Wandered barefoot in the bush/outback. — Cmon anyone can do this.
40. Eaten Vegemite. — Vegemite is American.
41. Thrown a boomerang. — I’ll pay this one. Only for the reason that everyone only does it to see if it works or not. Mine didn’t.
42. Seen the Kimberleys. – Travel question again.
43. Given a hitch-hiker a lift. – Universal practice, hardly Aussie.
44. Been to Perth. – Travel question again.
45. Have tried Lemon, Lime and Bitters. — Aren’t these served everywhere?
46. Tried playing a didgeridoo. — Again I’ll pay this. Everyone tries them out because it looks so easy! Then it turns out there’s some actual skill involved…
47. Seen dinosaur footprints. – I assume this is a reference to our growing obesity epidemic, in which case yep… seen plenty of these down at the beach.
48. Eaten Tim Tams. — Well yes, but I’ve also eaten nearly every other type of chocolate out there too.
49. Been to Darwin. – Yawn, travel question.
50. Touched a kangaroo. — This usually happens in primary school along with holding a snake. Unless we’ve completely cotton balled Aussie children up…
51. Visted the Great Barrier Reef. – More travel…
52. Listened to Kevin Bloody Wilson. — Heard a sermon from King Bogan himself? Well yes I have but I was massively embarrassed every second of it.
53. Killed a Cane Toad. – We don’t get these down south so no.
54. Gone to a drive-in theatre – Aren’t drive-in’s distinctly American?
55. Have read and own books by Australian authors. — Australian’s still write books?!
56. Visited Adelaide. — You know, they could have just summed this up in one question ‘Have you visited every Australian capital city?’
57. Know the story behind “Eternity”. — No idea. Hoping it’s not a bible reference.
58. Been camping. — Aussies didn’t invent camping!
59. Visited Brisbane — (that’s about all the capital cities covered now isn’t it?)
60. Been in an outback pub. — I’ll pay this one as our outback pubs aren’t like any other country’s watering holes. Most are sadly deserted these days though (well from my experience anyway).
61. Know what the term “Waltzing Matilda” actually means. — I’d put this down to educated rather then being Aussie.
62. Gone whale watching. – Huh? What does watching whales have to do with being Aussie?
63. Listened to Slim Dusty — I’m sure this belongs on the ‘Are you an old bogan?’ list.
64. Own five or more Australian movies or TV series. — Do you have to have bad taste to be an Aussie?
65. Sang along to Down Under. — I’ll pay this one, only because it’s hard to confuse the song with anywhere else.
66. Have stopped specifically to look at an historic marker by the side of the road. – What’s a historic marker? Those brown tourist signs?
67. Eaten a 4′n’20 pie. — This one I’ll pay. I miss pies over here, they don’t exist in Taiwan. Now I’m hungry.
68. Surfed at Bondi. – From what I understand Bondi was over run by snotty entitled 20 somethings years ago. What’s Aussie about that?
69. Watched the cricket on Boxing Day. — Cricket is utterly boring, so no.
70. Visited Hobart. — That’s got to be all of them by now.
71. Eaten kangaroo. — Definitely done this one, if more so out of curiosity then anything. I guess eating out national animals is uh… Aussie.
72. Seen a quokka. — Due to the localised rarity of Quokkas I guess seeing one could help with the Aussie points.
73. Visited Canberra. — ARGH.
74. Visited rainforests. — Ok now we’re just scraping the bottom of the barrel.
75. Used a Victa lawnmower. I’m glad this one’s on the list. With the increase in urban housing lawn mowing is a dying art. Victas are a sort of tribute to a dying era.
76. Travelled on a tram in Adelaide. — Are they any different to Melbourne?
77. Used a Hills hoist. — Yeah because drying your clothes is uniquely Aussie.
78. Visited Kata Tjuta – Assuming this is some Aboriginal site in the middle of nowhere so no.
79. Used native Australian plants in cooking. – I think a eucalyptus leaf fell onto a barbecue I was using once…
80. Visited the snow. — We’re talking about being Aussie right? When was the last time you associated snow with Australia?
81. Chosen a side in Holden VS Ford. — As in which side of the road to break down on? This one’s definitely for the bogans.
82. Visited the desert. – The beach has sand… close enough.
83. Been water skiing. – Why are Aussies hell bent on nationalising every sport we participate in.
84. Read The Phantom. – Read it yes but not sure why that makes me any more Aussie considering it’s an American comic.
85. Visited Parliament House. — If you went for any other reason then to have a go at politicians then this question doesn’t count.
86. Gone spotlighting or pig-shooting. – ‘Mah trucks bigger den yaw truck!’
87. Crossed the Nullarbor. – A lot of these questions associate being Aussie with travelling to remote out of the way places where there’s nothing to do. Anyone would think Aussies have a lot of spare time on their hands.
88. Avoided swimming in areas because of crocodiles. – No I haven’t gone swimming in the NT.
89. Listened to AC/DC. — Yes, but so has half the world.
90. Called someone a dag. — Unless you’re a female teacher, then there’s no excuse to use dag.
91. Voted in a Federal Election. — This has to be a trick question…
92. Have been swimming and stayed between the flags. — Only when I was younger. I think my parents told me stories about the beach police coming to get me…
93. Had a possum in your roof. — More common then you’d think. I’ll pay this one.
94. Visited the outback. — Wow, vague much?
95. Travelled over corrugated roads. — Bit of a stretch to claim councils too lazy to conduct road maintenance Aussie isn’t it?
96. Hit a kangaroo while driving. — Paid only for the fact that you can’t experience kangaroos lining the roadside early in the morning waiting to jump out infront of you car anywhere else in the world.
97. Been well outside any mobile phone coverage. — psh. Every country on Earth has at least one elevator in it somewhere.
98. Seen an emu. — They have emus in Taiwan believe it or not… not really an Aussie thing for me (seeing one, not the animal).
99. Have woken to the smell of bushfires. — Fire is fire wherever you are in the world.
100. Subscribed to RRR. — Cmon public radio isn’t an Aussie concept.
101. Patted a pure-bred dingo. – Again, every kid who goes through primary school should get to do this…
102. Seen the Oils live. — I don’t think Garett will be taking to the stage anytime soon.
July 7th, 2010 at 4:17 pm Debs(Quote)
I think I’ve done all but 25 of these (it was easier to count the ones I haven’t done)… and I only lived in Oz for two years. I think you’re more likely to do the “travel” ones if you know your time there is limited.
ps. Chloe is the portrait of that naked chick that’s on the stairwell in Young & Jackson’s. I only know this because my bogan bf pointed it out
.
July 7th, 2010 at 5:39 pm James(Quote)
Chloe is a nude chick upstairs at Y&J’s.
Blue Poles is a painting by Jackson Pollock (an American?) which is owned by the Aus Govt and is at the National Gallery, it is supposedly the most valuable painting in the world.
I assume the Eternity thing refers to the guy who chalked the word Eternity all over Sydney
http://www.nma.gov.au/exhibitions/now_showing/eternity/stories_from_the_emotional_heart_of_australia/
July 7th, 2010 at 6:43 pm Suzie(Quote)
I decided to do this one straight on my blog and not make too many snide comments, but it’s really interesting watching you pull it to pieces. I do like your comments.
Can’t believe you’d never heard of Chloe or the Blue Poles. Chloe is a really lovely painting and the Blue Poles is something I can do just as well.
July 7th, 2010 at 8:24 pm Yi(Quote)
40. Eaten Vegemite. — Vegemite is American. NO WAY!!! REALLY?!
July 8th, 2010 at 4:32 am ozsoapbox(Quote)
Thanks for the clarification guys. Is there any significance to Chloe other then it being a painting of a ‘naked chick’? Seems kinda odd so many people know about it.
@Suzie
I started to read the list on Daniel’s blog and got to about 20 before I figured it needed its own writeup.
Then once I started I realised there was over a hundred points on the list… almost gave up
.
@Yi
Dude Vegemite is made by Kraft. Kraft are more American than America.
July 27th, 2010 at 7:02 pm DarrenLS(Quote)
“24. Been to see a game of Aussie Rules football. — No. Attending a ball game that’s only relevant in one state is hardly an indication of being Aussie.”
I’ll assume that’s you being facetious Oz. Go ask how relevant Aussie Rules is in Northern Territory, Tasmania, South Australia or Western Australia. I would almost argue SA is more passionate about their aussie rules than VIC – see the love for their local SANFL comp compared to Vic’s lower tier comps.
My geography is not great but that’s the majority of the country covered I believe? Aussie Rules is pretty Aussie!
July 28th, 2010 at 4:23 am ozsoapbox(Quote)
Hardly. I mean outside of some Aboriginal kids playing some matches because there’s nothing better to do exactly how much of a following does it have?
Ditto Tasmania, South Australia and Western Australia. Take your kids to play it on Saturday mornings for a bit of peace and quiet and if you’re particularly bogan one of them might make it to the AFL.
As for widespread popularity, I don’t think so.
Kind of like rugby and Victoria. Yeah we have a team the Melbourne Storm but does anyone in Melbourne actually care? State of Origin or whatever the Rugby grand final is called might as well be in another country for most Melbournians.
Given that I’ve got no idea what SANFL is I can only assume it’s kids playing on a Saturday morning again because it’s cheaper then taking the kids out to do something. If it’s not, then a handful of diehards rocking up to watch some guys play football on random ovals is hardly nationwide interest.
Face it, outside of Melbourne the AFL and football in general is a non-issue.
July 28th, 2010 at 10:16 am DarrenLS(Quote)
SANFL is SA’s second tier comp (like VFL in Melb) and has a large and passionate following there.
Agreed rugby means little to Melbournians, as AFL means little to NSW and Queensland, but that’s just two states while large support for the game can be found in all others. (Hate to bring Wikipedia “facts” into this, but it does mention something the media states quite often; “It is the most popular sports competition in Australia when measured by average domestic sport attendances”.)
Anyway, the game being unique and (for better or worse) contained to Australia obviously makes it “Aussie” so it’s inclusion to this long and boring list of “Aussieisms” is actually one of the few that makes sense here!
July 28th, 2010 at 1:38 pm ozsoapbox(Quote)
State support aside, I guess on the basis of uniqueness and geographical containment it is part of Aussie culture then.
I suppose my original resentment was that the inclusion on the list was implying that unless you were a meat pie scarf wearing ‘I go to every game’ freak you were somehow less Aussie.
I find the game incredibly boring and hell I lived in Melbourne!
August 1st, 2010 at
[...] stole borrowed this meme from OzSoapbox who got it from Daniel Bowen and so on and so forth. I don’t generally do meme’s but [...]
January 15th, 2011 at 11:03 pm Tessa(Quote)
Wow, yeah, you ignorant, racist shit.
Loving the ‘aborigional communities are mostly hell holes,’comment. No, they are not mostly hell holes, and if you see it that way, might i remind you that Indigenous Australians what not living that way or in those conditions before European settlement.
Nonetheless, their culture and way of life is just as important as a ‘regular’ aussie’s is, and yes, understanding and accepting them as a part of our culture is completely a part of being an Australia.
This is all contrived bullshit, do the people in Taiwan appreciate your pseudo intellecuality? Racism and other anti-indigenous views disguised as Aussie pride is one of the main characteristics of a regular bogan, along with xenophobia and ignorance.
You might not have gotten drunk at the Grand Prix or attended Tafe, but when it comes down to it, you are obviously as blinded and plain stupid as any generic bogan. Thanks.
January 16th, 2011 at 6:42 pm ozsoapbox(Quote)
It’s got nothing to do with seeing anything this or that way. How else would you describe the remote communities where alcohol, drug and child abuse run rampant?
Yes and I’ve got no problems with this. Traditional Aboriginal culture is important, but the sad state of affairs it’s mostly degenerated into is not. Instead of propping up failed unsustainable remote communities let’s celebrate their once way of life and move on.
Getting on with the job of treating all Australian’s equally is the best thing we can do for Aboriginals, whilst at the same time being mutually beneficial to all Australians, not just a select few.
So taking a look at a difficult problem and offering a solution by which means Aboriginals are forced to take acount for their own responsibilities and join the rest of Australian society is anti-indigenous now?
If your head wasn’t stuck so far up your arse and ready to cry racism at any given opportunitiy perhaps you could take a moment and realise that what we’ve been doing clearly hasn’t worked. Isolating Aboriginals through policy is just as ineffective as isolating them geographically.
There’s no jobs out there and no way for them to be productive. Time to stop pretending there is.