A study in the March edition of “Psychology of Addictive Behaviors” has concluded that “women believe men find excessive drinking sexually attractive and appealing, but it appears this is a giant misperception.”

There appears to be three sides to this debate, guys with social skills, guys with zero social skills and women. Being a reasonably confident guy prone to the occasional drink I thought I’d try and weigh in on the matter;

Are alcohol guzzling women more attractive then their sober counterparts or does 34 pints of beer in a sitting simply scream ‘hey guys my vagina is open for business’?

If you're female you probably see someone who needs a helping hand. If you're a guy you see an emotionally fragile 100% guaranteed root.

I unashamedly follow the school of thought that a woman openly beer bonging her way through the night probably isn’t the biggest challenge to get into bed and she’s more then likely to be damaged goods upstairs.

Just as guys drink copious amounts to escape things, whether it be their otherwise drab lives or personalities, I believe the same is true for girls. Obviously ask random girls about this and nobody is going to admit to it but underlying issues are always at the root of drinking problems.

I think we have to be careful here to distinguish between the desire for an easy root and actually finding someone attractive.

If you go to a pub or a bar the token attention whore loudmouth female drunk will always have a crowd of guys around her, not because she’s necessarily hot… but because guys are lazy and if she’s intoxicated out of her brains and remotely attractive, well even with ten other guys standing around Mr. Average’s odds are better then with Mrs ‘not-so-tipsy’ but well above average in the looks department.

I think once you strip away the appeal of an easy root you will find that there’s really not that much to be attracted to. There is a bit of a conundrum to be had though, for some guys being an easy root is an attractive quality in itself. Personally an easy root is a turn off for me but I’m not naive enough to pretend there aren’t guys for whom it’s a huge drawcard for.

So why does it happen?

Well I revert back to my damaged goods comment, somewhere at some point the binge drinking female has had it drilled into them that being shitfaced is desirable and key to attracting men.

I don’t know if daddy touched them when they were kids, or if previous boyfriends used them as punching bags or if they went through high school weighing 200kg and copped a metric truckload of mental abuse; but at some point in their lives their self esteem plummeted.

With little self esteem and possibly a little bit of clingyness you have the perfect candidate for a female boozehound. Scraping the bottom of the male barrel and a high blood alcohol content go hand in hand, you really can’t do one without the other.

The “beer goggle” effect has already been documented to have a longer lasting effect on women. If you’re a guy you’ve probably heard the expression or variants of “i’d hit that after a few”. Well the same is true for females, only replace few with “a couple’o'hundred”. Armed with this knowledge is it any wonder the not so aesthetically gifted lazy target the dipso brothel on legs?

Having said that as unattractive as I find the token inebriated female, I wouldn’t want them to disappear entirely. Cockeyed females do an excellent job of magnetizing losers.

For the rest of us able to pull our own weight in the club/pub scene and take on the challenge of sometimes aiming well above what should be our standards the guys crowding around in the corner trying to convince lady plastered to spread em means there’s less random hitting on everybody else. Less random hitting means females haven’t been completely turned off yet and your overall chances are better, all thanks to that trollop in the corner.

At the start of this piece I did mention guys with no social skills; I think it’s important to affirm that their opinions don’t count for anything. 99.9% of guys with no social skills will tell you they don’t like pubs, bars or alcohol and that girls who drink thus intimidating the crap out of them aren’t their thing. They’d much rather sit at home and play plasystation or watch battlestar galactica.

For this reason their opinions don’t count. I don’t go around debating which Star Trek movie is better then the other with any authority so please don’t enter the discussion on alcohol and women if you’re a dysfunctional loser guy. Sitting around with your mates drinking in your basement debating which beer tastes better from a list of beers nobody has ever heard of doesn’t make you an expert on the subject either.

There are women out there who specifically cater to your needs so you don’t need to drag down the rest of society. Someone like Yulia would be ideal;

If you suggest meeting dates or friends for drinks instead of for a meal or a snack and coffee or tea, you should reconsider your drinking habits.

Sounds delightful Yulia, I know I always make it a point to ask my dates out for a cup of tea. Yulia seems to think all men are homosexuals.

Now it would be irresponsible for me to leave the topic of discussion on that flowery note. Binge drinking is a hit on the wallet and probably doesn’t do your health any favours. I’ve already suggested that i’d rather the hammered hens not disappear completely, so what’ the alternative?

Turns out guys have the amazing ability to get turned on at the mere exposure of alcoholic words. That’s right ladies, ditch the beer gut and just get a tshirt with the word ‘BEER’ printed on it. Same effect as before but definitely less irritating. How simple we males are indeed.