Nearly two weeks ago I asked

Being in Taiwan I can only go off the media reports I see, what’s the general feeling over there? Are things for Rudd (and by proxy Conroy) really that bad?

Although I didn’t get any replies it seems describing the political situation as ‘that bad‘ in Australia was a bit of an understatement.

By now you’ve no doubt heard of the downfall of Kevin Rudd. A guy who despite having record approval ratings was ousted by the Labor party recently in favour of Julia Gillard.

Gillard has long since lurked in the depths of vice priministerialship. When asked in May if she’d make a bid for Prime Minister she stated;

There’s more chance of me becoming the full-forward for the Dogs (Western Bulldogs AFL team) than there is any chance of a change in the Labor party.

Not that really follow the football but I’m pretty sure I didn’t miss Gillard adding playing full forward in the AFL to her already oversized parliamentary portfolio.

I guess whether she wanted it or not, what’s happened has happened and in light of the evident leadership change I thought I’d share with you why Julia Gillard will make a crap Prime Minister.

1. Julia Gillard’s accent makes her sound like she has brain damage

I make it no secret that I’m not a fan of the drawl Australian suburban accent. It’s Australia’s version of the stupidity plagued southern accent of the US.

Yes we don’t like to admit it but everytime we hear someone ‘drowne awn about haw they layke uhmuhrica soh muhch’ it instantly conjures up stereotypes of limited intellectual capacity.

Make no mistake Gillard has a solid education and suitable parliamentary credentials up her sleeve, but all that and more is undone whenever she opens her mouth.

So bad is Gillard’s drawly accent that after speaking to students on a trip to the US last year Gillard revealed

I have visited two schools in Washington where the kids asked me, after listening to me, whether or not we spoke English in Australia.

That Australian accent is foxing them a bit.

Uh, not that Australian accent, just yours love.

Even if he was a bit douchebaggy in his use of it (detailed pragmatic specificity anyone?), at least Rudd had a solid grasp of the English language.

God help us if Gillard takes her bownafyde awestrayan accent to the wuhrld staayge and maaykes us awl luhk lyke a bunch of guhlahs.

Speech therapist to aisle 3 please.

2. Julia Gillard is a ginger

Julia Gillard has red hair. Some people, like Nicole Kidman can pull off having red hair beautifully.

Julia Gillard is not one of those people.

There’s no way around this fact and quite frankly the prospect of an elected ginger Primeminister scares the crap out of me.

Gingers have no souls.

Do we really want to be known as that country with a ginger leader?

3. Julia Gillard is a feminist

I don’t mind feminists per say but the overtly vocal ones massively annoy me. Julia Gillard falls into this category. So much so that she’s publicly declared a war on nudity or tattoos.

In a frank and open interview about politics, feminism and her ambitions, Ms Gillard said of tattooed women: “I don’t like it as an image.”I worry for them, how they’re going to feel about it in the future.”

On the recent debate over naked, supposedly unretouched photographs of model Jennifer Hawkins, Ms Gillard said “I’m a big fan of Jennifer Hawkins, but it’s pretty absurd when we’re having a debate about whether she’s being a good role model in having a photo of herself taken naked and leaving it untouched.

Shouldn’t the opening question be, ‘How good is it to think that women need to have their photos taken all the time with next to no clothes on?’ Could we start there?”

Well yes we could start there but you probably wouldn’t like the answer. Women choose to have their photos taken all the time with next to no clothes on for money or because they are attention whores. Sometimes it’s a combination of the two.

There’s your empowering feminism right there.

I for one don’t look forward to an era of crusades against nudity and tattoos. Fat ugly people with tattoos make my eyes bleed but there’s definitely a subsection of the female species who can pull off a tattoo wondrously.

These women are national treasures and need to be protected from the soulless harpy claws of feminist gingers like Gillard.

4. Julia Gillard has too much on her political plate

Prior to knifing Rudd in the back and assuming the position, Gillard was deputy Prime Minister, Minister for Education, Minister for Employment and Workplace Relations and finally Minister for Social Inclusion.

It’s a little known fact but Gillard also runs the rather small township of Narnia.

Serving as the White Witch Gillard’s frozen stare blankets Narnia in sheets of endless snow.

Does anyone really think Australia’s best interests are going to be served by someone with so much on their plate? I mean cmon, at the very least there’s a conflict of interest here…

5. Julia Gillard isn’t a working family

For the past three years Australians have had the phrase ‘working families‘ shoved down our throats ad nauseum. Working families this and working families that is pretty much all I’ve taken away from the Rudd government.

As a fellow non-working family Australian, part of the reason I left Australia was the realisation that I was completely and utterly over being overlooked by the government and paying for other people’s kids.

Let’s face it, as far as the Labor government goes unless you’re an unemployed or low income husband and wife team with eighteen kids you inevitably get the short end of the fiscal stick.

Time and time again year after year.

Gillard’s deliberate barrenness isn’t something I hold against her but it does present a noticeable clash between herself and Labor policy.

I wonder what it feels like implementing family friendly policy that ultimately shafts you, the non-married working Australian.

I’m no fan of Labor and one of the problems this change of leadership has it that it’s just that, a change in leadership. Nothing else has really changed or I doubt will change as Australia inevitably gears up for a federal election.

The fact that Rudd has stepped down graciously and seems content remaining in politics either shows that this is a giant publicity stunt on Labor’s behalf or that Rudd was as spineless as he appeared to be.

I’m kind of hoping it’s the latter. The last thing Australia needs is for voters to be wooed on flawed policy riding on the coat tails of political firsts. No doubt it worked for Obama but I’d hate to see the idea replicated here.

Sadly Tony Abbott and the Liberals don’t seem to be offering much in the hope of a viable alternative so I guess we’ll have to wait and see what happens.

Oh and if anyone thinks the above five points don’t matter, have a look at what we as a nation have discussed about Kevin Rudd over the past three years. From temper tantrums to swearing to ridiculous use of the English language to his abundance of time spent travelling…

The days of grading politicians on political performance is dead. Not only does this stuff matter but it’s more important then the politics itself.