kraft-isnack-2.0I’m not going to pretend I understand Vegemite. I’d like to think I have stereotypical tastebuds and I was born here but for whatever reason the black salty fish tasting spread has never done anything for me.

I’ll wrinkle up my nose when I walk past someone eating a Vegemite sandwich, cringe when I’m at lunch with someone who starts eating it, gag at the thought of eating it myself and kissing someone who’s just finished a Vegemite meal rates near the top of my ‘I just can’t do it’ experiences.

Having said that I can’t deny it’s popularity here in Australia. I know it’s marketed overseas but let’s face it, the only people buying it are expat aussies… kind of like the only people who  buy spray cheese in a can here are Americans.

Following in Cadbury’s steps after their gargantuan stuffup in changing their well loved chocolate recipe, Kraft appear set to follow in their footsteps having learnt absolutely nothing.

Worse still somebody there seems to have graduated from the same marketing school as the Cadbury moron who gave us ‘the shape of the chocolate changes the taste’.

Meet the new Vegemite, ‘iSnack 2.0′

No seriously, after running a naming competition and accepting 40,000 entries – iSnack 2.0 is the name Kraft have chosen.

Ladies and gentlemen the only thing this exercise has taught us is that you don’t let the general public name variations of your iconic flagship product. The general public are idiots.

kraft-isnack-2.0-dean-robbinsThe gentleman responsible for the new name is 27 year old Dean Robbins, of Western Australia. Clearly an example of why IT nerds shouldn’t be allowed to name anything ever again, Robbins reasoning for the embarrassment of a name?

The ‘i’ phenomenon and Web 2.0 have been recent revolutions – I thought the new Vegemite name could do the same.


To give you an idea of just how much of a technological backwater Western Australia is, Web 2.0 first debuted back in 2004. Anyone will tell you 5 years in terms of internet time might as well be a lifetime.

These days web 2.0 is nothing more then a buzz word used by has been marketers to dazzle the technologically clueless into purchasing online products that were obsolete before they woke up that morning.

Seriously iSnack 2.0?

‘Hi there, what would you like on your sandwich today?’

‘Have you got any iSnack 2.0?’

‘…get out of my store.’

Say it with me, eye sna-ck two point oh. WHO THE HELL IS GOING TO CALL A SANDWICH SPREAD ISNACK 2.0!??

Kraft claim the name iSnack 2.0 was chosen to “to align the new product with a younger market — and the “cool” credentials of Apple’s iPod and iPhone.”

Really guys? That’s how superficial we have become as a society?

Sorry but sandwich spread is never going to be ‘cool’. Kids aren’t going to gather around the playground to checkout some kids new sandwich, wake up early to watch the new show on sandwich spread tv or begin to start trading Vegemite trading cards anytime soon.

I predict nobody is going to buy this product. I mean if Vegemite tastes awful I can’t imagine how adding Kraft plastic cheese to the spread is going to make it any better. Imagine a mouthful of salty ocean water, one of those plastic slices of cheese and a tub of salty sardines.

Ew!

What I do look forward to is the costly mistake this will be for Kraft and the apology issued in 12 months time when they realise they’ve just made the biggest marketing mistake in the company’s history.

The product’s tag line reads: “iSnack 2.0, because it’s the next generation Vegemite.”


Whilst I admit Apple don’t own a trademark on the letter i prefixing a product name, I do hope their lawyers are chomping at the bit to give Kraft a run for their money. If not for anything then to teach companies to stop reinventing the wheel and pandering to generation: moron in the process.

I for one don’t want to have iMilk with iMilo for breakfast, go off to my iJob where I do my iWork and then pickup some iCondoms on the way home so I can bang my iGirlfriend after we both share some iDinner.

iSnack 2.0 – the worst product name in the entire history of the universe? Pretty much.



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