Miss Tattoo Australia makes my eyes bleed
Yesterday I stumbled across a gallery for some competition called Miss Tattoo Australia. Not only was my beer belly rule instantly shattered but how I wish I could take the visual experience back.
Oh god how I wish I could take it back.
I like tattoos on a woman as much as the next guy. Something about them whispers to me that this girls not just your run of the mill everyday come boring Betty. At least once in her life she’s decided to do something stupid and hey, that’s good enough for me.
Combine that allure with beer bellies, tan lines, beer bellies, muffin top bikini bottoms, beer bellies, breast flabbage, beer bellies, thunder thighs, more beer bellies and you’ve essentially got Miss Tattoo Australia.
It’s bad enough that we hold regular beauty pageants which make contestants “cry for hours each night“, do we really need to be giving superficial people like me opportunities to shoot fish in a barrel?
Having said that I assume if you enter yourself into a beauty pageant you’ve kind of gotten over the idea you’re no longer daddies little princess anymore and that you’re being judged. What I can’t understand is are we supposed to be judging the artwork, the body the artwork is on or both?
Surely the body the tattoo has been inked onto plays some part in it’s artistic value. I don’t have much experience in the area but there has got to be some tattoos that are look good on some body types and not on others.
For example I can’t imagine a rose thorn tattoo looking any good on an obese person. Rose thorns are relatively thin and if anything you’d just be drawing attention to your wide open spaces.
Conversely little skinny people with large grand scale tattoos tend to be drowned out and it’s easy to forget you’re actually looking at a person, rather then an upright canvas of technicolour vomit.
With this in mind some of the body types in the photo above are in my opinion just not meant for tattoos. I mean sure get a tattoo if you want one but to enter a tattoo beauty pageant and be judged? Lady you’ve got more balls then I do.
I’m sorry to all the tattoo lovers out there but if these are the best canvas displays New South Wales could come up with to enter into Miss Tattoo Australia then something went horribly wrong.
Honestly I’d rather stare at an eye rolling line of women sporting cliched Japanese character tattoos on their ankles. Hell so long as their bodies were a little bit better taken care of I’d rather be staring at anything, even transexual Thai males.
I tried really hard to be objective in deciding which one was my pick of the bunch. I tried so hard I even stared at the photos through alternative black thick rimmed glasses but still wound up settling on the bleach blonde Sarah Keirs.
Not because I have a particular liking of the bleach blonde look but because of the complete and utter lack of competition.
I did try to see what the fuss over the actual winner Mae Cheung was (second from the right in the first photo), but I couldn’t get over the fact that her nose was probably longer then my entire face.
I’ve seen that look before in Grey’s Anatomy Sandra Oh and it just doesn’t do anything for me, tattoos or no tattoos.
If you ignore the stereotypicalness, Keirs on the other hand at least has the semblance of a well sculpted canvas to house her body work with respectable dignity.
For a pageant that is supposed to promote tattoo body work I can’t help but feel like the entire visual experience was a giant exercise in reverse achievism.
Kudos for giving it a go though ladies, better luck next year.
August 5th, 2009 at 9:04 am Martin(Quote)
Looks like theres a couple of ‘sixfigurechicks’ like tatts!!
August 5th, 2009 at 3:03 pm Chris(Quote)
Ugh. Thanks for making my eyes bleed as well.
August 7th, 2009 at 9:52 am Brad(Quote)
Victims of fashion stereotypes, i feel so for you poor simple people.
August 7th, 2009 at 9:54 am Brad(Quote)
To clarify, the author and like minded are the simple fools.
August 7th, 2009 at 10:17 am ozsoapbox(Quote)
Oh yes anyone who doesn’t like flab and tattoos is a simple fool.
ALL HAIL OUR NEW FLABBY OVERLORDS OF CUTTING EDGE STYLE!
August 7th, 2009 at 12:57 pm Citizen D(Quote)
Brad – I would have thought the simple fool would be the one who has to post a second comment because he couldn’t convey his thoughts properly in the first.
I wonder what the rules are for judging Miss Tattoo Australia because Gigantor on the end there (the book end on the right) clearly has an unfair advantage having more canvas to work with.
November 11th, 2009 at 5:28 pm edla(Quote)
I wish I could take the experience of reading this blog back.
September 18th, 2010 at 9:53 am Frank Mitchell(Quote)
Tattoo Parlour: A place where a woman goes in looking like a couple of billion dollars and comes out looking like a couple of hundred….
December 24th, 2010 at 12:41 am Some girl(Quote)
LOL, like a tattoo competition of men would be any better. I like that these girls had the “gutts” to wear a two piece and show off their tatts. More power to them! It’s time women stop worrying about their figure and have fun. Show off your beer guts women!
December 28th, 2010 at 2:28 pm ozsoapbox(Quote)
Of course it wouldn’t. I don’t want to see fat trogolodyte men prancing around showing off their tattoos any more than I do women.
Who suggested a men’s tattoo competition would be any better anyways?
If beer gut women want to show themselves off then by all means do it, just warn us first or something.
January 23rd, 2011 at 5:25 pm Eva(Quote)
It’s men like you that make real women look for real men and not little men over compensating for his own insecurities…
I say bravo & more power to you girls, for loving who you are..
Men like you are the reason we have anorexia in society and in schools with girls as young as 10 years old, starving themselves and throwing up what resemblance of food they were forced to eat by parents..
Think twice before you open your mouth and then take a long hard long look in the mirror.. Viva la feme revolution
January 23rd, 2011 at 9:38 pm ozsoapbox(Quote)
Real women can be real women and not look like overweight zoo animals.
When did the term ‘real women’ come to encompass only unattractive women?
Yeah, because it’s not like women are competitive or anything when it comes to looks. If skinny guys became all the rage you wouldn’t see me out there starving myself to death (not that I’m overweight either).
April 17th, 2011 at 8:24 pm Yes i am a real girl.(Quote)
Men like you disgust me so much. if your single; no wonder. if your in a relationship; i would assume shes some stupid blonde skinny bimbo that probably has an eating disorder because shes afraid you wont love her for being “skinny”. i feel sorry for her.
Mate, you really need to grow up. they were brave for what they did and no one is perfect. INCLUDING YOU! and you don’t even know these women. the “bigger” women are probably some of the nicest and lovely ones you’d ever meet.
stop being so judgmental on something that wasn’t mean to be judged in the first place. sincerely, a real girl.
April 17th, 2011 at 8:39 pm Yes i am a real girl.(Quote)
Oh and by the way. I am an australian girl. Born and raised in rural S.A. I grew up on blocks, riding motorbikes, farting, out drank my guy friends drinking jack daniels, camping, shooting rifles, changing tyres on cars, and even drifted those cars out in paddocks.
i have a bit of a tummy, thighs and arse. im a size 12. now, i bet you have this picture of an obsese chick tomboy who wouldnt know what class is. WRONG. im a hairdresser, im worker in the fashion industry. if i had a photo i could sit here and tell you exactly how wrong your “fashion” is.
please, i think you should upload a pic of yourself and “prove” yourself how perfect you are. You arent. get over yourself, us girls are perfect the way we are. Stupid city boy.
April 18th, 2011 at 12:24 am ozsoapbox(Quote)
Why the instant implication that if I don’t accept thunder thigh muffin top oversized girls that I have to be with a skinny blonde?
There’s plenty of room between too skinny and being an elephant.
Since when is entering a competition brave? Anyone who goes down the beach does the same as what they did.
Brave is staying and trying to keep a nuclear reactor from melting down. Prancing around showing off your overweight body hardly constitutes the same thing.
I do acknowledge nobody is perfect though, myself included. That doesn’t mean people are above criticism though.
I don’t really care if they are. I wasn’t commenting on their personalities, just their looks.
If you don’t want to by pysically judged, don’t enter competitions where you have to publicly walk around in your underwear.
Glad you had a bit of a life there… but I’d hardly say any of that is a measure of being a ‘real’ girl (whatever that is). If anything, regardless of gender. you sound like a bit of a redneck yobbo.
Good luck with that.
Yeah, because being a hairdresser and working in the fashion industry automatically means you couldn’t possibly be overweight or ugly.
That’s simply not possible.
I’ll be sure to let you know if I enter any fashion competitions…
I never claimed I was. You don’t have to be perfect to criticse others.
It’s a shame you value being perfect so highly. Setting perfection as a goal is something you’re never going to achieve.
Better to just accept the fact you’re an overweight bogan and get on with life.
April 20th, 2011 at 4:02 pm jack's raging mind(Quote)
I find your fixation with beauty pretty disgusting.
I honestly don’t know where to start…
You think you’re more expert than the judges in judging this competition? i really doubt that. To be honest Sarah, despite being very fit and tanned etc… was pretty mainstream in terms of her body art. It was nothing really out of the ordinary. This is not a competition for you. It’s not for YOUR eyes. It’s for people interested in body art (which your’e obviously not) and it’s about the art.
I have no idea who you are, but when i read your article i immediately thought of primary school boys… like 9 and 10 year old kids. I know teenagers who show more maturity and insight in a single sentence than you have in this entire article.
You’re trying to be funny or witty or something? well it’s not working. You’re opinion is outdated and juvenile.
These women aren’t even particularly overweight. Step outside, turn on your tv. these women are in the middle range of adult weight. Women come much skinnier and much heavier than that.
I think your making a huge deal out of something that has absolutely nothing to do with you.
If you could summarise your article in one sentence what would it be?
Average sized women should never show their bodies?
Women should never step out of the expectations that we have given them in decades past?
grow up mate.
April 20th, 2011 at 10:57 pm ausGeoff(Quote)
Ah yes… the old “drink any bloke under the table” boast…
One of the ultimate proofs of a woman’s femininity presumably?
April 21st, 2011 at 2:58 am ozsoapbox(Quote)
@jack’s raging mind
Damn right I do, not that they were judging what I was judging anyways.
(oh no, there I said it – I am better than the Miss Tattoo Australia judges.. has the sky fallen on our heads yet?)
I’m pretty sure her body art was not why I declared her to be the winner.
I did so because she was the least trogoldytey looking out of the bunch. The fact that she’s ‘very fit and tanned‘ also no doubt played a role in my final decision.
Mate it was published in a national newspaper, it was for everybody’s eyes. If Miss Tattoo didn’t want people commenting on the competition they should have banned all national media from attendance.
Yes, because anyone who disagrees with you is automatically immature and a child.
I was merely expressing my opinion. As for an outdated opinion yes, I see where you’re coming from. Sadly with 60% of the Australian adult population being overweight being on the chubbier side is far more accepted these days.
No doubt as Australian’s waist lines continue to bulge so will their acceptance level for the fatties and fuglies in our society.
And what now, I can’t criticise the so-called average? I’m not saying everyone should be supermodel skinny, of course not. But seriously, look at those freaking pictures!
Oh my god if you have a body like that (male or female), PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST STAY AT HOME! Do not enter yourself into images where you’re flabs will be on display for the whole world to see!
I don’t care how ‘beautiful’ your body art is or how proud of it you are.
Probably as above,
If you have a body like that (male or female), PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST STAY AT HOME! Do not enter yourself into images where you’re flabs will be on display for the whole world to see!
Women or men. It’s not terribly difficult to keep the flab off these days. Just laziness, poor diets all round and bleeding hearts like you running around telling everyone they’re beautiful when they are clearly not.
April 21st, 2011 at 10:23 pm ausGeoff(Quote)
As a matter of interest Oz, do you reckon the “person” on the extreme right of the photo is a male or a female? Or maybe a drag queen?
Seems to have a bloke’s biceps and lacks an arse.
April 22nd, 2011 at 1:18 am ozsoapbox(Quote)
The face looks female.. but as for the rest of her yeah. Questionable is an understatement.
May 8th, 2011 at 9:50 pm jack's raging mind(Quote)
couple of things to clarify… thought it was pretty obvious, but it seems you need a hand.
1. a tattoo competition is about TATTOOs, not sex appeal or any other such thing you have been programmed to expect of semi naked women
2. i don’t class everyone that disagrees with me as immature and childish, you happen to be one of the first
3. as for the outdated opinion thing… it is your fixation with gender stereotypes that is outdated (not anything to do with weight). eg. changing a car tire or owning one pair of shoes
4. it is ok for average sized women to reveal their bodies whether or not you believe it is.
5. Also, you referred to me as a bleeding heart? this label infers i have some sort of passionate sympathy for this women. well i don’t. i have no reason to pity them at all. i just think it’s narrow-minded of you to expect every women who wears a two piece to be the size of women that you would prefer to look at.
pick holes in THAT. i dare you.
May 9th, 2011 at 3:34 am ausGeoff(Quote)
Picking holes is too easy…
If that were the case, then surely as “works of art”, these tattoos would have the same relevancy as if they were simply etched on to a piece of paper.
To presume that there’s allegedly nothing akin to “sex appeal” going on here raises the obvious question: Why is it that these freaks are inevitably semi-naked (or in some cases nude)?
So. according to this, you do class some people who disagree with your opinions as “immature and childish”. How exactly do you make that subtle distinction?
Do you reserve it only for people who expose your silly ideas on a public forum? Or people who make a fool of you (as Oz has done here?)
You also acknowledge that “9 and 10 year old kids” allegedly and repeatedly behave in immature ways, but, apparently teenagers seldom do. That’s not only patronising to 10-year olds, but also vastly overstates the maturity of teenagers.
From this I can only assume that you’re one of these gender-equality rationalists who refuse to accept that there are some handsome people out there, as well as some unattractive ones, as well as a multitude of in-betweeners.
You’re simply trying to assuage your left-wing moral conscience by — condescendingly — allowing that the uglies are really OK. That in reality, they really ARE great looking. That they have some sort of “right” to display their less-than-attractive bodies to all and sundry in public places, regardless of how grotesque they may be.
Haven’t you ever wondered why women (in particular) inevitably choose clothes to flatter their figures or cover up their bodily imperfections? In your Utopian world, we’d all let it just hang out LOL.
Well, let’s face it. It was YOU who jumped into the fray in your passionate defense of them — on their uninvited behalf. Do you always like to play the proverbial knight in shining armour? Bit of an ego trip is it? Enjoy being seen as an articulate, best-intentioned “hero” for the downtrodden who apparently can’t stand up for themselves.
I’m more than sure that these folks would be just as disturbed by your unwarranted defense as they would be about Oz’s insults.
It’s also common knowledge that the vast majority of women will choose bathing suits that actually flatter their bodies, rather than the converse. Most women know instinctively what looks good on their bods and what doesn’t. It’s not rocket science.
Doesn’t the fact that these tattooed women have (generally) chosen inappropriate and deliberately UNflattering two-piecers tell you anything? Or do rolls of white flab turn you on?
—How’s that for hole picking?
May 10th, 2011 at 2:16 am ozsoapbox(Quote)
@ jack’s raging mind
Yeah, because nobody discusses what people are wearing (or in this case not wearing) at other types of award shows.
A tattoo is a form of art, are you seriously going to tell me how I can and can’t choose to interpret it in my own way?
Gender stereotypes is off the mark, as ugly fat guys with tattoos would be just as visually insulting to look at.
My fixation is with the clear public display of ugly people that this tattoo contest seems to proudly showcase. I was minding my own business reading the news when BAM, those women kicked me in the nuts with their bodies.
Cmon, nobody deserves that. Surely you can see where I’m coming from.
No, no it isn’t. And if they choose to, don’t have a cry when people protest and complain about it.
Sympathy is not pity. Look it up.
I don’t care who wears a two piece, just don’t get your body splashed all over a nation’s national news if it’s truly horrendous to look at.
It’s too much to ask.
June 6th, 2011 at 3:28 am Touché(Quote)
You are a rude. Not at all nice man.
I hope when you get a beer belly people are horrid to you.
These women are getting recognised and looked up to. Youre just a judgemental evil so and so on a computer.
June 6th, 2011 at 11:48 am ozsoapbox(Quote)
Despite Australian obesity statistics being against me, not gunna happen (the beer belly).
Recognised and looked up to? Cmon mate it’s a tattoo contest not the Nobel Peace Price.
June 6th, 2011 at 2:25 pm ausGeoff(Quote)
Uh… no they’re not.
They’re being laughed at — in all probability all over Australia — by anyone with even the slightest amount of good taste.
September 9th, 2011 at 12:30 pm meh(Quote)
Who cares what they look like? The tattoo’s are all that matters and all that should matter.
September 9th, 2011 at 1:13 pm ozsoapbox(Quote)
Of course what they matters looks like. Would the Mona Lisa be as spectacular if it was painted on a cat’s arsehole?
Part of a tattoo’s appeal is whether or not it compliments the person it is on. If you look hideous then you ruin the tattoo… and that’s not fair to the tattoo.
September 10th, 2011 at 3:25 am ausGeoff(Quote)
Sorry; can’t agree with this at all…
In the early nineties, there was a totally degenerate American punk-rock performer by the name of GG Allin (who thankfully popped one too many speedballs) and who—as part of his stage act—used to defecate on stage and cover his naked body with his own shit.
Needless to say, this mental midget had an adoring following of fans, and often—unbelievably—”performed” to packed houses!
I trust that you can see the obvious correlation I’m drawing here?
The fact that people (as in the pic above for example) have a desire to cover their bodies with what they consider “attractive” decorations—in this case, tattoos—by no means makes those decorations—fundamentally—a ‘work of art’. And certainly not in the eyes of others. And I’m also guessing that a lot of these heavily-tattooed extroverts may just have the same lack of perspective on what defines the appeal of an attractive, normal, unadorned human body—as did GG Allin.
Several noted psychologists (Sarnecki, Herman, Graham, Stiles et al) have asserted that tattoos are a means by which an individual copes with “psychological distress and discomfort arising from a traumatic event they have experienced in their lives”.
A recent study by the Michigan Center for Forensic Psychiatry (July 08) found a correlation between tattoos and antisocial personality disorders, or ASPD. Of the 36 psychiatric patients studied, 15 had tattoos and 17 were diagnosed as having ASPD.
Of those with tattoos, 11 of 15, or 73% had ASPD, whereas only six of 21, or 29%, of those without tattoos had the same diagnosis.
—I rest my case.
December 23rd, 2011 at 9:57 am Phoebe(Quote)
Ok i agree with your point tattoos do look better on a tonned body and these tattoos aren’t very exciting to look at, but I think your being a little harsh.
It would have taken an enourmous amount of courage to enter being one of the bigger girls especially knowing you’d be up against smaller girls like Sarah. And insulting someones noes? You can’t choose what your nose looks like unless you get plastic surgery which in my opion is bad and your encouraging it with insults like that.
I don’t believe you’d be perfect how would you like someone picking at your flaws and writing a blog about them? Just saying.
December 23rd, 2011 at 11:47 am ozsoapbox(Quote)
Uh, you mean stupidity right?
What’s courageous about being a fugly and entering a competition where you know people are going to on some level take into consideration your body type when judging?
I mean I can’t play tennis to save my life, so if I went and entered a national tennis competition that’d make me courageous too?
I suppose people who can’t drive and get behind the wheel are also courageous – the list could go on.
How about we stop worrying about people’s feelings and just call it for what it is.
Mate if I ever enter a tatoo competitoon that requires me to bear nearly all, by all means be my guest.
December 23rd, 2011 at 6:04 pm ausGeoff(Quote)
I understand what you’re getting at with people’s natural-born features, such as noses Phoebe, but I think your blurring the distinction about chosen body defacement (tattoos) and the chance physiology we’re given at birth…
You then make a self-contradictory assertion; Tattoos are okay, but plastic surgery is not.
They both disfigure the natural human body; what’s the difference? In fact, I would’ve though that minimal, corrective plastic surgery to modify severely unattractive facial features—such as a nose—would be more acceptable than tattoos?
Carried out appropriately, rhinoplasty can vastly increase one’s self-esteem—more so for females. Conversely, tattoos applied in a person’s younger years more than often comes back to haunt them in their maturity, and can even lower there self-esteem.
I could link you to dozens of personal anecdotes penned by mature-aged people who got tatts as kids, and now regret them.
I quote from the US site “Discovery-Fit &Health”:
So… are you truly happy to carry forward those potential negative effects of a rash decision made as a young person—to satisfy a maybe passing youthful whim, or the peer pressure of your mates, or at worst an alcohol-induced bravado?
Or will you be one of 50 per cent of mature adults that forever regret it?
December 23rd, 2011 at 6:05 pm ausGeoff(Quote)
Aside here Oz… what’s with the default ‘italics’ font?
Coding glitch maybe?
December 23rd, 2011 at 6:13 pm ozsoapbox(Quote)
Ooer, I wasn’t seeing that from the backend.
A previous comment had an unclosed italics tag that was affecting everthing after it. All fixed now, thanks for bringing it to my attention.
December 29th, 2011 at 5:03 pm littleChick(Quote)
I am almost embarrassed to be female. That picture would make my dear old grans eyes bleed, and she was half blind!
I would like to clear up a few things from a chicks point of view.
To the ever so affronted farting hairdresser.
A) Hairdresser is to Hairstylist as tattooist is to tattoo artist. Downright Insulting!!!!!
B) I too grew up in the country. I rode dirt bikes, played soccer, kick boxed,swore like a trooper, drank with the boys, punched on with the boys and most importantly banged the bloody boys! Because I did NOT fart like the boys, have any size tummy, thighs or arse that wasnt toned. There is no excuse for being fat..bar laziness.
As for this bullshit it took courage to do get up on stage and those women are being looked up to?…by whom? Other fatties? its a copout!!.
It wouldve taken more courage and gained more respect had they got those beer bellies into shape! All those unmentioned obese kids out there might have thought they could achieve their own ideal weight. AND look cool doing it!
Insults are being slung back and forth as easily as fatties inhale a Big Mac… but the biggest insult is to the artists that spent hours on those pieces to have them turn out looking like that. I doubt my artist would continue to ink me if i didnt look after his work!!!
Will anyone accept bets on the farting barber having a 2cm rose or such stretched across a hip, ankle or flabby boob??
December 29th, 2011 at 8:31 pm ozsoapbox(Quote)
What… you mean she was being impartial?
.