It all started with the headline “Recession ‘deeper longer’ than expected” and the accompanying image of an hourglass full of a dubious white creamy substance. I was sitting here reading the news trying to be all mature and everything but something deep inside of me just couldn’t let it go.

I don’t know if it’s the end result of watching one too many pornos, a childhood fear of change rooms or just the fact that in some ways I never really grew up but as I read the headline I had a mental roadblock at ‘deeper longer’.

“If you swap recession with penis, that headline is awesome!” I realised and then I giggled like a young schoolgirl who’s just found out what her vagina is really for.

I couldn’t help but wonder if all the recession headlines on news.com.au were as penis friendly;

Turns out they are:

Rudds go gourmet as penis bites

Penis pain will be widespread

Rate cuts, spending keep South Korea out of penis

Rudd’s take on penis, a lesson learned from Keating

Ireland’s official penis Survival Guide released

Prime Minister Kevin Rudd says country ‘dragged into penis‘

RBA, government pre-emptive strikes could make penis ‘less damaging’

Job advertisements fall to penis levels, says ANZ job survey

This one had me wincing in pain:

Japan’s mafia yakuza bite the penis bullet

Penis? You’ve never had it so good

Penis virtually impossible to avoid, says Prime Minister Kevin Rudd

And my personal favourite:

Penis could create ‘lost generation’

I probably should get all this out of my head before I go to bed tonight and start dreaming or I might regret it for a very long time. Geez, I feel like such a dick after sharing all that.

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