When I was at university I always secretly wondered where the magical department was in which all the whimsical studies get done. You know stuff like ‘men like rounder toilet seats then women’, or ‘females like larger gear stick knobs then males’ or even ‘wow! nobody wants to sleep with the ugly girl.’

Despite many years of searching I never found the elusive department of whimsical studies.

That didn’t stop them putting out study after study of absolutely ridiculousness though. The latest ‘study’ aims to tell us once again something most of us figured out years ago.

Women are crazy random in their tastes and men for the most part go for the confident body.

At least that’s how it’s supposed to work. I was a bit confused reading a weekend article that seemed to suggest Australian women had well and truly jumped the cliff.

The study I mentioned was conducted by a group of bludgers psychologists from a North Carolina university in the US (it’s always the US or UK who come up with these things). They found:

Men’s view on the attractiveness of different women was defined by physical features, with women who looked thin and seductive getting the highest ratings.

Men also were particularly attracted to women who appeared confident.

Women showed a more diverse range of responses, with some rating particular men very attractive while other women found the same men not attractive at all.


Obviously there’s no surprises there. Put Mrs. average and Mrs. gorgeous body together in a room full of guys and the only ones who are going to pay attention to Mrs. average are the ones who instantly write off their chances with Mrs. gorgeous and don’t even bother.

I’m a guy though, I know how guys think so what interests me in these stupid studies is usually what they find on the female side. Let’s face it, it doesn’t hurt to do a little superficial homework from time to time.

Women being diverse is nothing new. You only have to take a girl to an icecream parlour and stand around for three hours while she makes up her mind.

“Hey want to get some icecream?” instead of “Hey want to get some chocolate icecream or nothing at all?” is a mistake most guys only make once in their lives.

When it comes to women then, especially Australian women are they as diverse as the rest of the species seems to be? I’ve heard a million times before the most important characteristic of a guy is that ‘he must be able to make me laugh’. Yet you only have to go to some local comedy nights to see the scores of lonely funnymen.

Clearly laughter on it’s own isn’t enough.

So what is?

I read this weekend with much horror that for some women it’s the face of George Calombaris. You’ll probably recognise him from every second ‘Ready steady cook’ or more recently channel 10′s Masterchef.

If the article is anythin to go by, some women are after a short round clown who can cook but wouldn’t challenge them. A cuddly non-confrontational teddy if you will.The kind of guy who’s more likely to sour your dessert then tell you how much he hates it when you forget that the cutlery is sorted by strict colored alphabetical order.

How the hell are we supposed to compete with that? It’s not like there’s poncy ‘good guy’ classes you can attend to brush up your ‘background guy’ skills. Cooking I can manage, that’s a skill you can even teach yourself but really? Is George Calombaris really that much of a turn on for some women?

As I rode around doing my shopping last Sunday I couldn’t help but look at the ladies about and try to superficially pick out who’d be more likely to want some Calombaris pork barrel action.

Obviously I’d have just asked but despite short podgy cooks being in vogue, I doubted whether the same for tall and beaten to a bloody pulp was true.

As I rode home I thought about the phrase ‘there’s a women out there for every man’ and wondered if it was true. Surely there’s some guys out there who just aren’t going to score with anyone?

That night still thinking about it (not that I was obsessing or anything) I finally came to the conclusion I usually do but seem to forget each time until I’ve wasted a day or two thinking about it.

It’s ultimately hopeless to try and second guess what women want. It seems to change from month to month and any guy is simply going to go insane trying to keep up.

I mean a few months ago it was neosexuals and this month it’s George Calombaris?!

I think I’ve got more chance winning the 90 million dollar superdraw tomorrow night then figuring that one out.


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