Marriage in Taiwan is like a coin.

On one of the many days I had to myself when I first arrived in Taiwan I was exploring my new home on foot. I was walking around Taichung and began to get a strong sense of deja vu.

I’d been walking for a few blocks or so and suddenly realised that every store I’d walked past over the last ten minutes or so had something to do with marriage. There must have been no less then twenty odd bridal shops all lined up one after another.

One on side of the coin you’re presented with this idea of marriage in Taiwan and the fact that it’s serious business.

Then there’s the other side…

The general consensus here from the girls I’ve talked to is that you want to get married before you’re thirty. During my first relationship with a Taiwanese girl it didn’t take too long before the topic of marriage came up. Always somewhat of a sticky point it was in hindsight amusing how our different attitudes clashed on the matter.

For me marriage was something you decided on after a you were absolutely sure they were the right one for you. This would probably take years to work out.

For her, marriage was a given. If I was with her for the long haul marriage was going to happen whether I wanted it to or not.

I’ve only met one girl who didn’t subscribe to this idea when the topic of marriage came up in discussion. She was already well into her thirties and not married though so I’m pretty sure she was the exception.

Marriage for the most part is a big deal in Taiwan. Couples go and get their wedding photos taken up to a year before they even get married. Soon to be wives spend hours trying to find the right quilt to bring to the marriage and how they want to redesign their husbands furniture. Meanwhile soon to be husbands are constantly worrying about whether or not they’re earning enough money to keep their wives happy.

Unlike the west where we’ve diluted gender specific roles in marriage, the concept is still very much alive and kicking in Taiwan.

About a week or so after arriving I met a girl at a bar and we hit it off, we caught a taxi back to my hotel and one thing lead to another. We spent most of the next day in bed and didn’t wake up until the afternoon.

During this time she shared with me parts of her life. She’d been seeing some guy from England for the past five months or so but he’d gone back home for the holidays. Feeling lonely and wanting to forget him she was happy she’d met me.

Normally this would be way to much information for me after a one night stand but to be honest I was just happy to be speaking fluent English with someone.

In a nutshell she’d spent every weekend together with the guy since they’d started seeing each other. He was gone for a month of holidays, was then due back for a few months for work before leaving Taiwan for good. She missed him a lot.

When we finally decided to get out of bed we remembered we had to go back to the bar and get her scooter. She’d tried to start it up the night before to take us home but had left the lights on so the battery was dead.

Neither of us knew anything much about scooters so it wasn’t until the next day after she’d called her sister that it was explained to us that all scooters have a kick start pedal in case the battery dies.

After we’d retrieved it we set off back to the hotel and the topic of this guy came up again. Not that she needed much convincing but I told her if this guy was only coming back for a few months then it’d probably be easier for her if she didn’t see him when he came back.

If she did get back with him for the few months he was here she the eventual break up was only going to be more painful. And besides, she’d already slept with me which was an pretty good indication she was ready to move on.

Although I got the sense she wasn’t entirely convinced, she did agree with the points I made. She continued;

“Oh and there’s one more thing about this guy: he’s married and has a son”.

I sat there on the back of her scooter and froze up a little. She’d found this out quite soon into the relationship but his wife was back home in England… so she figured it was ok.

I had huge problems with this. Although I don’t necessarily see the benefit in rushing to get married anytime soon, I do respect the commitment between two people that is made.

At this point I struggled with the idea that I was potentially ruining some guy’s master plan to entertain himself while he was in Taiwan. After rationalising to myself that I’d never meet the guy, I told her she shouldn’t be getting involved with married men.

Of course she already knew this and agreed.

I spent the next few weekends with this girl. She didn’t live in Taichung itself but travelled there every weekend to see her parents. I learnt a lot of Taichung from the back of her scooter over those weekends.

One Saturday she told me that she missed dancing so we decided we’d go back to the bar I met her at that night. We’d avoided it up till now because she had memories of the other guy there.

By this stage she was feeling a lot more comfortable with the idea of not seeing this guy when he got back so she thought it’d be ok.

The night went pretty smoothly. We danced, we drunk and I got to meet some of her friends.

I was at the bar ordering another drink when I heard a ‘hallo!’ off to the side of me. I turned and there was a short little Taiwanese girl standing there. Not being one to knock back a hello, let alone after a few beers I said hi back and we started talking.

About ten minutes later all hell broke loose.

I got a tap on my shoulder and when I turned around the girl I’d arrived with was standing there with some of her friends.

“Why are you talking to this girl!?’ she demanded.

“Uh what? We’re just talking it’s what you do in a bar.”

“Fine it’s ok. Are you going to take her back to your hotel room?”

“What? We were just talking, she approached me what am I supposed to do tell her to go away?”

The conversation continued in this manner with the end result leaving her storming out of the bar with some of her friends.

Outside the bar frantic conversation continued in Chinese between herself and her friends but I have no idea what was said. Finally she told me that she wanted to collect her things that we’d left at my hotel beforehand and go home.

After that night I never saw her again.

I know people sleeping around with married guys isn’t something that’s unique to Taiwan but it does kind of hit you at just how blatant it can be. There doesn’t seem to be any middle ground as far as marriage and Taiwanese girls go. Either it’s this massive deal to them or, so long as it’s not their own marriage or husband cheating on them, they simply don’t care.

Apparently it’s ok to sleep around with married guys, but god forbid you talk to some random girl in a bar.



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