One of the worst experiences of my life was a few years back when my mum’s then artist boyfriend decided to host an exhibition of his work. Primarily the works that featured my mother, naked.

When I heard the news I had one of those classic ‘face in the palm of your hand’  moments and all I could think was ‘oh great, a whole bunch of people are going to rock up and see my mum naked. Awesome, my life is now complete’.

From what I heard the exhibition was a great success, yet I couldn’t bring myself to attend. The thought of walking through a studio staring at the many paintings of my mother in the nude did absolutely nothing for me, upstairs or downstairs.

Enter New Zealand teenager “Michael”.

It seems times have changed and nudes of your mother are no longer something to be cast out into the darkest corners of your mind. Generation Y apparently sees nude photos of their mothers as commodities to be sold and traded freely on the internet.

So the story goes, after an argument Michael decided to auction off ‘nude’ photos of his mother, Jennifer. The photos were taken roughly eight years ago but what on earth the son was doing in possession of them is anyone’s guess.

Perhaps that’s what Jennifer and Michael were arguing out. You know…

‘GIVE ME BACK MY FREAKING PHOTOS!’

‘NO! *fapfapfap* I can’t, they bring *fapfapfap* me too much happiness!’

‘Godamnit this isn’t normal, now hand them over or else’.

‘I said NO! *fapfapfap* Now leave me alone *fapfapfap* or you’ll be sorry.’

I guess Michael then decided to teach his mother a lesson.

Further to that what the hell kind of family friend takes nude photos of your mum?! I know people get up to all sorts of weird shit but I mean what? Did it just happen after a few drinks? Was it a male or female family friend? Was Michael involved in the photoshoot?

So many questions!

The photos were viewed over 11,000 times before they were pulled down by Trademe. Trademe being New Zealand’s local mishmash of Ebay and the Trading Post.

How Jennifer found out about the initial auction isn’t revealed but astonishingly she then encouraged her son to put them up a second time but instead to label them as ‘glamour shots’. In exchange she asked for a 50% cut of the sale.

I wanted 50 per cent of the sale but more than that, I miss the nice comments.


Does the sound of a million guys jerking off in harmonic unison to naked photos of you on the internet count as nice comments?

Lady no guy on the planet is going to want to give nice comments let alone go out with a woman who’s son could be filming the both of you at any given time ready to upload online. Any child who unreprimandingly plasters naked photos of their parents on the internet is a disaster waiting to happen.

The really creepy thing here is that the original photos were hardcopies, so Michael has had to scan them in which means he’s obviously done some post processing editing and had a good look at the photos. Cmon, teenager + naked photos? You know the thought has crossed his mind at least once.

It’s like a tissue’s worst nightmare.

‘Oh my god I used to be part of the Amazon forest, and for what – THIS IS HOW IT ENDS?’

After my mum and her then boyfriend broke up I have no idea what happened to all the naked paintings of her. It’s not something I’m ever going to bring up and quite honestly the last thing I’d want is for them to somehow make their way onto the internet. Whether I made some money out of them or not!

I’m no psychologist but there’s something just ew about teenagers who are in their hormonal prime deliberately exposing themselves to parental nakedness. Even if you’re mum’s unbelievably hot it’s still a giant NO.

Shame on New Zealand for trying to make a quick buck out of it!

1. Co-Worker dupes hot nurse into sending sexy photos
2. Marge Simpson's Playboy photos: who gets off on this?
3. Lying to the media and profiting. Who's to blame?