Mohit Suri has announced plans to come to Australia and film the ‘based on a true story’ recollections of a friend “who has seen all these things”, presumably because he was present during every single attack on Indians in Australia that have ever  happened.

OzSoapbox can reveal the dramatic climax of the script below. It was obtained by accident when a young Indian man rang me up in the middle of dinner and asked if I was interested in buying a time share.

Feeling generous and with nothing better to do I requested some more information via fax and gave him my fax number. When the fax came through I spat out my steak and two veg onto the wall in amazement.

I definately wasn’t holding information regarding a timeshare opportunity.

After some quick research on the internet I soon learned the young man seemed to have accidentally sent me the COMPLETE script to ‘Bashing Indians in Australia – The Movie’.

Here’s a taste of what will be hitting our screens later this year:

**WARNING SPOILERS – DO NOT READ ON IF YOU WANT TO WATCH THIS MOVIE AT THE CINEMAS**

Scene – The 11:15pm Sydenham train has just pulled out of Flinders. The train is adorned with swastikas and whilst the Australian’s sit in their lounge chairs sipping chardonay all the coloured folk are sitting in the end cabin on their hard wooden seats; in other words it’s your typical Melbourne train.

It’s probably raining outside but we haven’t finalised that yet. Monsoons have killed millions of Indians over the years so in a lot of ways Australians are like the Monsoon – having it raining outside will probably anger our target audience and set the right mood.

Normally the train ride would be peaceful, with whites not mixing with non-whites. Tonight however would be different. One brave Indian Sanjeev Guptapal has had enough.


Inside the cabin -


Typical Aussie #1: Gday so I was out the other night and needed to grab some rupees for the auto rickshaw. I went into 7-11 and bought some smokes and paid with eftpos. When I asked for cash out the turban goes ‘oi mate use the ATM’.

“Fair shake of the sauce bottle mate” I says, “I’m paying by eftpos, it’s my right to get cashout if I bloody want cash out.”

Little bastard wouldn’t STILL refused so I lit a cigarette and burnt his eyes out. Then my phone rang and it was Kevin Rudd, he goes “‘good job mate!” and had a beer couriered to my house on air force 1.


Typical Aussie #2: That’s nothing Jacka, one time I walked into Curries’R'US and tried ordering a McAussie burger. They were like WTF? I’m like go back to your own country you spastics, it’s against the law here to not serve aussie food.


Sanjeev enters the cabin, he is draped in an Indian flag.


Typical Aussie #1: Crikey, that’s bloody ridiculous mate. They should learn to-


Sanjeev: Hello sirs, I was wondering if you would be having the time to listen to a great offer I was to be having on this new Nokia phone. It is elegant beyond description and is sure to be making the most of your telephone calls.


Typical Aussie #2: Piss off mate. Shouldn’t you be in the end cabin with all the other darkies?


Sanjeev: Oh no, I have been let out to provide you with this once in a great lifetime opportunity. What I am saying is tha-


Typical Aussie #1: Look mate we’re not interested, now we were in the middle of something if you don’t mind.


Sanjeev: But sirs I am not understanding. How is it you can be refusing my great offer. Some great features of the New Nokia-


Typical Aussie #2: THAT’S IT!


cue ACDC music and slow motion shots of Sanjeev being beaten. Connex security guards rush to help the typical Aussies beat Sanjeev.

The beating lasts approximately half an hour. At it’s conclusion Sanjeev lies in a mangled heap still draped in an Indian flag with a crown of thorns on his head. He is desperate for help.


Sanjeev: OH MOTHER OF GREAT GANESH THIS IS TO BE HURTING TOO MUCH! I have five medical degrees and am sure that my legs are not to be detached like that. Please will somebody not be helping me? I am in severe pain and require instant medical assistance.

You sir with the MX, I am to be sure that you can see me. Will you not be taking my phone and calling the ambulance?


Random Man: Aw geez, orright mate if I have to. Crikey you look a mess what happened did you walk into a croc’s arse?


Sanjeev: Oh thankyou thankyou. Wait what time is it? I am seeing that it is only 6:55pm. Would you mind waiting till 7pm when my Optus Yes time is to be becoming available and I am to be receiving such great rates on all of my emergency calls?… oh no I am thinking it is too late.

DAMN YOU AUSTRALIAN’S. You… you may be taking… my life. But you will never… be..taking… my….. sim card.


Musical climax, Indian national anthem starts playing.


Sanjeev dies. Indian cricket team enter the cabin to carry Sanjeevs body away.

/end scene


Now obviously I’m against racially targeted violence as the next guy but a movie,  really? Making a dramatic movie sensationalising violence against Indians is going to help Indians feel safe in Australia how?

Indians watching it are just going to get more angry and anybody else who watches it is probably going to come out the cinemas with a thousand accusing eyes set upon them.

Having said that I am kind of curious to see what Mr. Suri comes up with if he gets the green light and the film is released. It’s always interesting to see how Australian’s are portrayed through foreign eyes.

At least until Channel 9 buy the rights and bring us the local version, Dhelibelly 4 Retaliation:  How Indians killed Des Moran and ended the multi billion dollar ‘violence against Indians’ industry.

GROAN!

1. Indian students: How to not get bashed in Australia
2. Racism towards Indian students in Australia? Please.
3. ACMA Blacklist has been leaked!
4. Australian diplomacy massively fails Indian students
5. Please don't make us see another Sex in the City movie