Since they were first published, men’s magazines have served one purpose and one purpose only: To get guys, (and confused women), off.

Editors fluff the photos with articles nobody reads jam packed with poetic license and written by guys writing what they think other guys want to hear.

You know, on the off chance one of their readers finishes their business but finds themselves wondering if the Playmate of the month prefers a cotton or synthetic blend gstring.

This month Marge Simpson features both on the cover of a ‘collectors edition’ Playboy and has been given a two page centrefold. My question is:

Who’s getting off on this stuff?

Let’s face it, the only people that are remotely interested in this are going to be those in it for the ‘whaaaaaat?’ (DO THE CURTAINS MATCH THE DRAPES???) factor and those who grew up with the Simpsons and for some inexplicable reason might still harbour unresolved ‘mother’ issues.

I guess if you never got together with your best friends mum, Playboy is kinda offering you the next best thing – Bart Simpson’s mum.

Not that I’ve looked at one in a while but from memory Playboy shoots tend to be pretty softcore, although I am curious about the centrefold which Playboy editorial director James Jellinek, described as “very, very racy.”

As of yet unfortunately nothing has leaked onto the internet other then the cover, I mean not that I looked or anything (That’s right Oz, just keep telling yourself it’s ‘blog reasearch’). Personally I think my curiosity will focus on how Playboy have chosen to depict a cartoon vagina (yes I’m that shallow).

I mean everyone (right?) has seen the non-licensed Simpsons porn out there at some stage (it was a banner advert that randomly popped up on a church bible page, honest) which always look a bit wonky. I think it’ll be interesting to see just what Fox have approved for Playboy to use.

Is it anatomically correct?

Brazilian? Air strip? 70′s amazon jungle?

Peach fuzz or hair?

INNY OR OUTY?!?!?!

There’s clearly a lot of unanswered questions here.

As for getting off on the photos? Probably not.

Blue hair really just doesn’t do anything for me. Also what’s with the red pearl necklace? If I even remotely try to sexualise Marge Simpson I can’t get that feeling out of my head that I should probably go and see a doctor for… y’know.

And have you seen Homer Simpson…? That’s some mountain to climb, I don’t think Marge maintains her petite figure by choice.

Personally I’d rather they did an expose on Lois Griffin from Family Guy. I don’t know what it is about her, by all rights that giant triangle nose should put me off but with every episode I watch the seed is subconsciously planted deeper in my mind telling me that I want to see more.

Growing up however for me it was always Jessica Rabbit, she was my first cartoon character crush. Even though I didn’t quite understand it, I remember the first time I heard about the infamous ‘revealing freeze frame’ incident where she gets out of a Taxi and apparently you can see more then you should, my err, heart exploded.

Wow, I guess on that level who am I to judge who gets off on a Marge Simpson centrefold. Fap away gentlemen.

(Why do I get the feeling this is probably going to be one of those posts where I regret revealing too much intimate information…)