Indonesian police have just released sketches of two suspects they are after in relation to the hotel bombings last week. Now I’m not trying to be racist but I couldn’t help but ask myself ‘is this really the best way to go about looking for these guys?’

If I’m walking down the street I’d like to think I can tell the difference between a Japanese, Chinese, Malaysian, Filipino, Thai, Indonesian (etc. etc.) man.

Of course I’ve never really put this to the test and gone up and asked people but I’m pretty sure I’ve got a good idea.

Ok so I might have no idea who comes from where but the important thing is I can tell there’s something different! That at the very least puts me ahead of the entire white population of Queensland.

Looking at the sketches released by Indonesia though, a wave of hysterical paranoia began to creep up my spine.

Bombs are going off and now all of a sudden half of Australia are suspects.

You probably couldn’t get any more generic then Mr. Left and Mr. Right here and immediately two questions come to mind:

1. Can’t Indonesian police afford color ink cartridges?

2. Does everyone in Indonesia have some sort of horrible skin disease?

Mr. Left has no ears and looks like every second guy I see down in Chinatown in the city. Seriously there’s like no distinguishing features apart from wonky angled eyes. Not only is the left eye (from our side) at a 45 degree angle to the right eye, but Mr. Left’s eyelashes are wildly different.

How am I supposed to tell if that’s deliberate or the end result of the $2 rendering program Indonesian police seem to have used?

And what’s going on with the lighting? Mr. Left’s chin appears to be in shadow or has a peculiar type of chin beard that doesn’t breach the jawline of the chin area, ie. it appears to be growing upwards!

If it is a shadow though, why the hell did the sketch artist choose to completely obliterate any detail on the upper region of Mr Left’s face?

Was it random theme night at Indonesian police HQ and did someone pull ‘someone is holding a 5000 watt spotlight into the face of all suspects, OK DRAW!’ out of a hat?

Then there’s Mr. Right. Dear god.

Looking like something I created on my Wii the one thing I can’t get past are his GIANT TESTICLE SIZED NOSTRILS!

I know some Asian’s have flat noses but cmon, the guys nose bridge looks like the perfect perineum and then just dissolves into a triangle blob of ambiguity.

And then oh my god, WHO’S FREAKING IDEA WAS IT TO GIVE HIM BLOWJOB EYES?!?!

I’m sitting here infront of my pc and I browse over to my favourite sketch artist site and BAM! I’m thinking ‘wait hang on I KNOW THOSE EYES, HOLY CRAP THOSE ARE BLOWJOB EYES!’

Jesus Christ good thing puffy faced, blotchy skin Indonesian terrorists don’t do it for me or I’d be packing some serious firepower below the belt.

While I appreciate Indonesia’s foray into the twenty first century I think Asian facial recognition technology has got a hell of a long way to go. I mean sure it’s nice to feel like some progress is being made in hunting down those responsible but generic asian sketch ups? Really?

Not helping guys.

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