Why Africa is the worst place on Earth to live
I’m all about helping third world countries develop and progress up the modernity tree but a few stories about Africa recently have left me scratching my head.
Two of the stories broke in the last 24 hours alone!
The first story from Mozambique involved two young guys, a goat and the goats owner. Yeah you know where this going…
“One of the young men was naked and holding the goat’s head, and the other was having sex with the animal.”
The goat’s owner may also file a civil suit against them.
The owner was demanding the young men pay him damages and initiate a traditional wedding ceremony by paying “lobolo,” a dowry, a family member told Radio Mozambique.
What the hell kind of kangaroo court even entertains the idea of monetary compensation?!
‘Yo you’re honor my goat got all pig on a spit with two local kids, SHOW ME THE MONEY!’
‘Yes I agree, these two men should be made to marry your goat…’
What on earth are people in Mozambique sniffing?
The second story is out of South Africa. Having a constitution that guarantees human rights wasn’t enough to stop a school dormitory from being shut down.
The crack down came about after two girls were caught kissing. Upon further questioning they identified a further twenty five other lesbians. Presumably with no means of obtaining proof school officials took the two girls at their word and shut the 300 pupil strong dorm down.
You catch two girls kissing and assume they’re lesbians… then you ask them about other girls and take their word as gospel. It seems lesbians are wholeheartedly shunned but they are also the most trustworthy people in Africa.
Meanwhile in 2007 a bunch of female villagers in Kenya accused a rebel group of local monkeys of sexually mocking them and stealing their crops.
Every morning at dawn the mob of 300 marched on the unsuspecting villages, plundering everything in their path.
Attempts by female villagers to defend their crops were met with stiff hostility.
The monkeys grab their breasts, and gesture at us while pointing at their private parts. We are afraid that they will sexually harass us.
Even those trying to leave the country in desperation are spared no reprieve. Earlier this year a man was eaten alive by a ‘dinosaur sized shark’.
My husband had just pointed out how far the man was swimming from the other people. He asked what would happen if he was attacked by a shark, because he was so far away.
The words were hardly cold when the shark attacked that man. The shark attacked twice; it turned and attacked the man again; I just saw the blood on the water.
Over in East Africa girls are traditionally married off to complete strangers… in exchange for livestock and grain.
The sad part is most of the girls are teenagers and I imagine something like this pretty much ruins your life. Imagine the massive daddy issues baggage these girls must carry!
The good news is that some communities have began to cease the practice of arranged marriages. Instead,
We were invited to attend a special service at the church.The tiny building was crowded with young girls who were invited to approach the altar to be presented with certificates of their virginity.
The local traditional healer physically inspects all unmarried females above the age of 12 every month.
Those have got to be some messed up kids.
Speaking of churches, a pastor in Uganda took campaigning against gay rights to a new level when he screened gay porn in his church to an audience of 300.
“The major argument homosexuals have is that what people do in the privacy of their bedrooms is nobody’s business, but do you know what they do in their bedrooms?” pastor Martin Ssempa asked the crowd.
Pastor Ssempa then displayed a slide show of gay pornographic pictures.
Finally it seems Zimbabwe is pegging it’s economy recovery hopes on taking up the Harry Potter torch.
Regino Sveto was found stark naked outside her brother-in-laws house after flying 120km in a basket with her father in law and aunt.
Upon arrival her father in law and aunt asked her to kill her brother in law and when she refused, they bailed on her.
Sveto is a self confessed witch and has accused both her father in law and aunt of also being witches… what’s more,
During sentencing, Sveto went into a trance again while in the dock.
She regained her composure after guards rubbed salt on her face and hands.
Well alright then.
With most of these stories in the year 2010 and this month alone I can’t help but wonder just how long it will be before modernity comes to Africa.
What’s more where will the rest of the world be when it finally arrives? Most likely buried under radioactive rubble.
The next time you think you’re life is hard spare a thought for Africans still living in the dark ages…
February 27th, 2010 at 10:28 pm Jay(Quote)
The African way of life can’t be judged by our standards.
Soweto is always portrayed as a tragic place, the end result of Racist colonialism.
Problem is that every other concentration of Africans looks like Soweto whether they have a recent colonial past or not.
Indolence.Corruption.Superstition.
It works fine for them, the proof is that their population is always expanding.
White people share 66% of our DNA with a fruit fly.
We share 98% of our DNA with Africans.
Think for a minute about what that 2% might mean.
2% is a big number in genetics.
August 10th, 2010 at 10:44 pm Salem(Quote)
I’ve always been of the opinion that we should just kill everyone in third world countries and split their land evenly to the developed countries surrounding them. Fastest and most efficient way to rid our world of rampant AIDs and superstitions.
And Jay, you’re a moron. We share 98% of our genetics with primates, we share 99.99999% with Africans, which are our own species.
March 15th, 2011 at 11:28 pm Listen Up!(Quote)
One thing you should know, you are the biggest most ignorant fool I have encountered yet. Evidently not educated along with “Salem” (above).
So first get an education, then travel to Africa and see for yourself the nonsense you are referring to. Third, I hope to God you are never dumb enough to say this to an African’s face, it’s known as racism which is really not an option anymore.
Fourth, learn the history of your country and the so-called first world powers and learn what they did to Africa as a continent.
When you have learned what your heritage are responsible for i’d liek to see you yap your trap!
March 16th, 2011 at 12:01 pm ozsoapbox(Quote)
Check.
Travel to Africa to see two guys tagteaming a goat, watch a court decide whether they should pay the owner marriage compensation or not, investigate student dorimitory’s apparently choc full of lesbians and watch monkeys sexually harass female farmers…?
Sounds awfully entertaining and all but uh… pass.
Why, what are they going to do? Live up to the violent short tempered racist stereotype you’re alluding to?
Sorry, but when was it racism to comment on news stories coming out of Africa? I didn’t close down a dormitory because two girls kissed or made people have sex with goats.
Also I said ‘Africa’ is the worst place on Earth to live, didn’t say anything about race.